To go on holiday with ex or cut my losses? WWYD

[Closingthedoors]

I was due to go Amsterdam next weekend for my birthday with DH and BIL. However we have separated and are living apart. Obviously it’s my birthday so I’m still very eager to go.

BIL said it’s to awkward now if I go and he would need paying back.

Me and DH have no bad blood and the separation was the best thing for us.

WWYD?

Cut your losses. You have separated. I couldn’t imagine spending a birthday with an ex and his brother.

BIL doesn't get to tell you it's too awkward for you to go, AND he wants the money for it. If you're paying for your place then you can still go. If for some reason BIL was paying for you to go, then it's fair for him to give the now spare ticket to someone else.
YANBU

Cut your losses and start to think about your birthday next year!

Let him and his brother go and you’ve only lost your share???

Where are you staying? Hotel or AirB&B? Could you invite a friend and spend the time with them whilst ExH and BIL do same? Flights shouldn’t be too pricey even fairly last minute.

I know I’m just gutted was looking forward to having a break away. If I don’t go I will loose my share if BIL doesn’t go I will have to pay half of his share and DH the other half.

I would go, separately, sleep separately and go out for the days on my own.

Why would you have to pay BIL’s share?
Don’t be a mug!

I split amicably with a long term boyfriend, and he sighed wistfully, “we never did go to Berlin” and we both went 💡 and “fuck it, let’s go!” It was a great weekend!

You know whether it’ll be OK for you and your ex to go or not. Then it’s got nothing to do with his brother 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm sorry but WTAF is BIL going on about...its YOUR birthday.

You're only in control of yourself. If you want to go, you go. Let BIL figure out his own reaction.

Tell your BIL to behave!

Personally I wouldn't go BUT you want to go so if your BIL doesn't want to go that's his problem. Why would you have to pay his share?? He's the one deciding not to go.

Is he paying your share if you don't go??

Can't have one rule for one and not the other.

It's your birthday! You're the last person who should step out.

What are the travel and accommodation arrangements?

It’s your birthday though- can you find 2 friends at this late notice to go with you instead, and pay exH and BIL back?

It's your birthday, you've paid for your share, if BIL decides to drop out he sucks up his loss.
It's not your problem, go and enjoy yourself

Presumably BIL & DH can share and you can have BIL's room. If he's not happy and he's bowing out that's on him.

If things are ok between you too, go.

I'd a holiday booked with EXH and dc and still went, it was horribly awkward but dc weren't aware of the separation.

Your newly single ex is going to Amsterdam.

I wonder what possibly your BIL has planned for him and doesn't want you there.

surely if you don’t go you only lose out on your share ?!
Why are you having to pay them if they don’t go ??

Why are they not paying you if you don’t go ?

Personally I’d cut my losses and not go … but don’t pay them !

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees BIL is gay 🤣

DH is saying because I’ve moved out and left him it’s all my fault so I should have to pay. Which is bullshit!

DH is saying because I’ve moved out and left him it’s all my fault so I should have to pay. Which is bullshit!

That's not the same as no bad blood. That leans more towards the awkward atmos argument that the BIL is making.

Regardless, you're all grown ups and if BIL chooses not to go, you don't have to pay him back. You aren't a travel company and he didn't take out 'OP and DH must stay together' insurance. He can find someone to replace him, but it's not your problem. You're going on your birthday trip as planned. What they do is up to them entirely and not your problem.

Still go if,you want to, they can do the same if they want to, you do not,owe them anything financially!

This! ^^

Your BIL doesn't get to dictate what you do or demand money from you/your DH if you decide to honour your commitment to go on a holiday you've all agreed on and you've paid you way. If neither of them want you to go get them to transfer you the total cost into your account before you cancel and book something for yourself. 🌹

If he decides not to go it's on him and he can swallow the loss of money he's committed.

What are the sleeping arrangements? Can your DH and BIL share a twin bedroom or can you see if you can book your own room? 🌹

Just ignore them and go. If you've got the plane ticket and know the hotel go. They can go as well so you don't need to pay anyone.

Do your own thing tween you're there.

If bil chooses not to go then that's on him, you don't owe him because he doesn't want to go

I went on holiday with my ex. We’d booked it while we were together. Didn’t want to lose the money and really wanted to go on the holiday. We met another couple there which made it bearable. But in hindsight I wish I hadn’t gone.

Can't you go and book somewhere else to stay - your ex and BIL can buy you out of your share of accommodation

It's awkward for the brother in law? Poor him lol. Go if you want but I wouldn't want to go with my ex husband and BIL for my birthday.