To go on holiday with ex or cut my losses? WWYD

[Closingthedoors]

I was due to go Amsterdam next weekend for my birthday with DH and BIL. However we have separated and are living apart. Obviously it’s my birthday so I’m still very eager to go.

BIL said it’s to awkward now if I go and he would need paying back.

Me and DH have no bad blood and the separation was the best thing for us.

WWYD?

How about you go with some friends. If you're nice you can offer to pay them off. Otherwise fuck it they can cut their losses!

Hang on, so if you don't go, you lose your share but if BIL doesn't go, you (and ex) have to pay for his share? Why is it one rule for him and one for you? Surely, if he drops out he loses his share.

BIL is a CF thinking he can have one rule for him and another for you, if he doesnt want you to go then he pays you back the money you have paid.

But as you want to go, tell ExDH that you are still going, that you are not paying anything back to anyone and what they do is up to them. After that, no longer your problem.

Could you use your flight and book a hotel for yourself?

I’m happy to go to another hotel I’m not bothered. I will go and have a brilliant time in my own company 🤣 BIL seems to think I should just drop out on my birthday trip I planned. I’m not doing it he keeps complaining to DH everyday.

I hope your ex is telling the whiny fucker to jog on.

I’d be going out of spite now! Sounds like he either wants the extra cash or he’s decided he doesn’t want to go and using you as an excuse for that!!

Who arranged it and paid for it?

Whoever arranged it and paid for it should be the one to still go.

If that wasn’t you, then it doesn’t matter if it was meant to be for your birthday or not.

I assume brother in law is going to pay you back your share if you don’t go? As that’s what he expects if he doesn’t go 🤷🏼‍♀️

go, and don’t pay BiL any money. He and DH are being U.

If it were me I’d book my own hotel and go anyway. You’d just have to share the flight. They can do whatever they want with their tickets but if they chose not to go I would not be giving either a penny of my money.

Select a seat that isn’t near them when you check in. Book your own hotel. Is there a friend or family member who might be up for a last minute birthday trip with you?

Just have your own trip and ignore the fact that your STBXH and his brother are in the same city.

You don’t actually need to be communicating with your husband about this. Who cares if his brother is whinging to him?

State that you ARE going to Amsterdam for your birthday. You don’t care about his brother’s feelings on the matter

I wouldn't go. Ex sounds a bit of a twat saying 'you left him and therefore it's all your fault and you should pay'. Ex BIL sounds more of one.

If I'd already paid the money, then I'd write it off to not have to spend time with either of them frankly. If not, and BIL is telling you 'you can't come' I would say, 'Fine - but I'm not forking out money now, for a trip you say I can't come on. You'll have to swallow the extra costs'.

What are the arrangements with flights, hotel etc and what is refundable or able to be transferred to another choice? Who did the booking and have you all paid upfront?

There's loads to do in Amsterdam so not awful if you are on your own but I don't see why you all can't be mature about it and still go together but spend some time apart, have different rooms and so on. I guess your ex and his brother are in cahoots about stitching you up!

Says who? Who bought the tickets/made the reservation?

Personally I wouldn't dream of going but I wouldn't let BIL call all the shots either.

Go, see if a friend can get a seat on the flight, book a separate room if you were all sharing. Husband and BIL can stay in one room and do their thing, you and friend can stay in a different room and do your thing. It’s up to BIL if he’s not happy with that.

surely you weren’t all going to be sharing a hotel room anyway.

I cannot imagine wanting to spend my birthday sharing a single hotel room with my husband and his brother. 😱

Send something like this:
Hi Whinger Boys,
I’m letting you both know that I have no intention of backing out of the weekend to Amsterdam as it’s for my birthday.
See you after we get through security at the airport”

Great news OP !

Better your own company than the wrong company !
Have a great time !

Bit of an odd combo in the first place. I’d say it was less awkward now that none of you are in a couple. Why would BIL want to go away with a couple in the first place?

They don’t want you to come they can eat the cost.

You want to go, go! Have a great time yourself. It’s an excellent city.

Why are you losing your share if you don't go but you bil is getting paid back if he doesn't go. Tell him to suck it he can either go with you or not but don't give him any money.

Just book your own accommodation elsewhere and forget about the pair of them.

Let BIL and exDH go together, you don’t owe them any money. Have a holiday by yourself instead.