AIBU to want more photos from my child’s nursery

[HelloWorld2577]

To keep it brief. I’ve had multiple children attend this nursery over the past 5 years. My daughter is now there and has been for the past two years.

When my other children attended the nursery they would do daily posts which included a mixture of individual posts with photos of just my child and group posts where you could see what all the class were doing. Either way they were updating the app (tapestry) daily or at the very least 3 out of 5 days a week.

My older child left there last year and since the posts have really deteriorated. I’ve just had a look and since coming back from Christmas (my daughter attends full time) there have only been 2 group posts, one of those posts she wasn’t in it, and one you could see the back of her head.

I know it may sound trivial but I find it very frustrating that they charge £75 a day and I don’t even get to see what my daughters doing at nursery, I also have mum guilt for working full time & some mornings she struggles to go in so would put me at ease to just see what she’s doing. I raised it with management after my older child left and said I wasn’t getting many photos or updates on the app and they simply said they don’t have time to do individual posts now so they are trying to take photos of all children to post on one group post. This itself I find an issue because there are usually between 50 and 80 photos per group post and then I have to go through every photo like a detective searching for the side of my child’s head! It’s frustrating. when I raised it previously they said they were trying to do a couple of group posts a week but as I said above they’ve only done 2 posts over the last 3 weeks.

AIBU? I really want to raise it again but I don’t want to be one of those parents!! I understand they’re busy but if every other nursery do it why can’t they? It just seems lazy?!

How do I bring it up AGAIN?!

Let the child live in the moment and play, encumbered by a key worker thinking “hang on let me just put this toy down and get a photo of you and then ignore you while I upload it” every 15 minutes.

If a key worker is having to document every aspect of the day, it’s a lot of work for them. They’d have an iPad in their hands constantly when you think of how many children there are to care for.

I want all their focus on the children and building that special relationship.

They've said they don't have the time.

They can't make time for you specifically because you want more photos of your child.
A group photo makes it fair to everyone.
If you don't have time scrolling through group photos to search for your child, what makes you think they have time to take, and upload photos of just your child, just for you?

They've told you why they've scaled back. They shouldn't have to make an exception for you because you have mum guilt and you don't want to scroll through group pictures. Imagine if every parent requested this?
YABU.

You sound entitled.

DDs preschool doesn't even have an app.
I'd rather her come home with paintings and things she's made then fuss over an amount of pictures they have taken of my child that day.

As an EYP, the taking photos and running an activity is the easy part. It's the time to upload, hoping WiFi is working, the app isn't down for maintenance. Then writing the observation before linking to the curriculum. Proof reading then publishing, while trying to be in a team meeting, following along to training.

Sometimes it easier to upload a few photos with no linking and sometimes despite trying children don't want the iPad stuck in their face.

At our nursery, they go round with the iPad for a couple of minutes snapping what everybody is doing and then send all shots to everyone with a brief explanation of the main activity. They do this in the morning and the afternoon. I think that's a good way of letting us have an insight but without lots of admin and I think we're lucky to get as much as that. In the younger room it was a bit different, more individual shots and less often - maybe a couple of times a week? That was lovely too.

As a former teacher I know that apps used more than that would really be to the detriment of teaching and learning, and while I like having the photos, I know really that it's time taken away from the children.

I can understand you wanting it but equally as others have said I would rather them be focusing on being with my child then spending time taking photos and uploading them etc. But understand logical thought is not the same as emotional response!

Nobody got sent photos of their kids in nursery before about 2010, and they all managed just fine. Constantly taking photos of your kids is not childcare. Get a grip.

Sharing photos of kids in a group setting is also very complicated; some parents won't allow (or can't allow for safety reasons) their child to be photographed, so you can't expect nursery to keep taking them out of a group to take a picture of the other kids. It's a minefield.

I didn’t expect so many opposing replies so I’m glad you do agree!

Just to clarify a few things for all

• I do not post my children on social media so I am not wanting some glam photos to share with the world, I just want to see what she gets up to as the nursery do not allow us to go inside to collect, we collect from the front gate so it’s nice to see what she does.
• At collection they debrief on her day but all they usually say is ‘she’s eaten well, had an hours nap and loved playing with the babies today’ it takes 30 seconds, there’s always a big queue of 10-15 people. No time for a long debrief in the cold and I don’t want to hold the queue up.
• I don’t understand how it’s time taken away from caring for the children? For over 5 years (and likely longer that’s just when my kids started) they did individual daily updates. Sometimes it would just be a couple photos with no context. Sometimes it would be ‘she’s really enjoyed playing with our soft play today’. I’m not asking for the world. I’m asking for them to do what they have done for YEARS then changed. If I’m paying £1500 a month I don’t feel that’s too much to ask.
• Staff ratios have not changed to the extent that they’re now rushed off their feet. All nurseries are facing the same struggles and yet all my other friends kids nurseries manage to do individual posts. I don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable
• There are lots of comments which I feel are from older parents, 10-15 years ago photos from nursery wouldn’t be the norm but in these modern times it’s standard practice IMO. My friend even gets updates on nappy changes in real time. Times have changed and photos are expected.

They do not tag all the children in the photos this is one of my issues.

They post it to the whole year group which means I have to go through 50 photos of 15-20 random children I do not know having fun to then find out there’s no pictures of my child.

I find your bullet points quite argumentative especially the last point. You've heard from parents who currently have children in nursery and staff members who are currently working in these settings, times have not changed many of us are absolutely fine with no photos and they are not expected by everyone.

If you're not happy not having pictures of your child then move her to a nursery that prioritises taking pictures. For the majority of parents it's a nice extra and not an essential part of what matters most in childcare.

They had time to take photos daily for years before? Ratios haven’t changed much at all. The nursery was at capacity before, I had to wait for a place for my child. It’s not at capacity now. If anything they’re less busy so brings me to the conclusion they’re just not bothered. Fees have increased to £1500 a month for me for one child and the service provided is worse. I don’t feel I’m being unreasonable to ask for them to either ensure my child is in the group photos or that she has updates.

The facts are they told me they had scaled back to upload 1-2 posts per week of all children to save staff time. Ok. Say that’s fine… then why have they only uploaded 2 posts in the past 4 weeks. They’re not even doing what they said they would do.

It is interesting that something has changed. Can you ask what is different now for them?

I do think that if they're only going to do group photos every other week they should make an effort to include every child.

What I find is those that are happy with no photos have never really had them provided. If I moved her to a nursery that did not do photos and post them I wouldn’t have anything to complain about. But due to them previously doing them daily, then changing that out of the blue I feel I do have a reason to be irritated with them? That was a standard they set. I didn’t request them previously to take photos they just did. For years. And now it’s all changed

Try paying £1500 out each month for a service and then not receiving what previously was the norm. I’m not sure how that’s entitled. It’s an expectation they set for themselves.

Times have changed and photos are expected

But is it in the best interests of the child? Times have changed and it’s normal for the parents to be on their phones just scrolling for huge parts of the day too. Is that actually good for children to see that?

Was there a staff change? At our kindergarden it's very obvious that some staff take the pictures, and when they're not there it doesn't happen

I fully agree with you about the change, but take a step back. You do indeed pay them for a service - but that service is to look after your child, help their development and engage them in interesting activities. The photos provided to you were important to your day but they didn't actually change your child's day which is what's important. If the staff are spending less time uploading stuff to the app, their service may have actually improved from your child's pov as they'll have more time for the children.

I wouldn't be happy with a 30s handover at the gate though, ours always have time for a chat and a little story about their day. That helps us build a relationship with the women looking after our DC and is far more important to us than a photo. Presumably useful for the staff to know the parents as well and know who will or won't care if a hat goes astray or lunch isn't eaten.

Goodness me the more you post the more entitled you sound. You're paying £1500 a month for people to care for your child, yes photos are a nice extra, but you're not paying for them.

I will repeat what others have said, since you seem to be ignoring them. The rules and expectations around documenting a child's development have changed. It's no longer considered best practice to take a million photos of every part of a child's day.

In all due respect, in 2024 it is the norm. All nurseries these days (in cities at least) use an app, either tapestry or famly. It’s like saying in 1980 no one had a car so stop moaning yours is broken.

They set the expectations for themselves. I live in a city where every nursery provides daily or at least weekly updates detailing what their child’s been up to. Im not receiving this and I don’t feel it’s fair to say it didn’t used to be offered 14 years ago so stop moaning. It is something offered now so I feel my points are valid.

But it's such an insignificant change. You presumably didn't choose the nursery because they took pictures so why does the fact they no longer do it cause you such anger?

Would you be as cross if other things changed like a change of key worker, catering provider etc?

At the end of the day things change. It was something they used to do and now they don't do as much if you didn't chose the nursery because they took pictures and you're still happy with the care they provide it really shouldn't invoke such a strong reaction.

Hope like heck they rest during the 2 hour rest period. Add in cleaning, nappy charts, the floor book - you have to provide evidence on how you get the group experience etc. You make it work, you have to otherwise parents complain that they don't get photos etc and management come down.
I once had someone tell me all I do all day is play in the sandpit and eat apples. I wish.

YANBU. Our grandchild’s pre-school sends photos from every session.

@Whinge When I viewed the nursery years ago it was something they mentioned upon viewing. ‘We upload regularly to tapestry so you can see what they’re doing in the day’. They are not uploading regularly. So I would say it is included in the fee I pay. They told me they would do it and they no longer do. They never informed parents of any guidelines change etc. After a few months of minimal posts I questioned it with the room leader who said they have no time to do it so they are now moving towards group posts.

If guidelines and recommendations had changed she could have just said this to me. Their reasoning is ‘no time’

I would prefer that they were playing with the children and keeping them safe. There is a lot of pressure on childcare providers. Although it may feel like you are paying a lot, they will be struggling to make ends meet.