Higher earner should pay more of the bills?

[TTM123]

What are peoples opinion on this? If your partner earned more than you, would you expect them to pay more towards the bills?

We're married. Mid 40s. We both have children from previous relationships that are not yet adult.

DH has previously been in a DMP and burns through money.

We did have one joint account for bills and a sole one each for spending but when he got made redundant I switched to earnings and bills from my sole. That way I can make sure I save more. He's since found a job but it's a 50% decrease so we're keeping it that way.

I'm the only earner. All wages into the joint account.

I can't see how relationships can be fair if one partner has significantly more disposable income?

I fyoure not sharing all finances equally i to a joint account then i do beleive it should be proportional, unless one party is choosing to work less and expecting financial benefits from that and assuming the other partner will pay a higher contribution. So all being equal, bills split proportional to income

Provided one party hasn't deliberately and without agreement deprived themselves

Then "same spare cash" or "proportionate to earnings " are both reasonable

I'm the higher earner. We don't have a pot. We split bills and I tend to pay for food and holidays.

I think each person should have their own account and money and then a joint account.

In the joint account each person should put a percentage of their wage in E.g both put 50% or 80% of their wages into it depending on costs.
And then all shared costs like bills, food shopping, childcare etc all come out from the shared pot.

The lower earner will be contributing less but they’ll also have less in their personal account, so it’s fair.

You should both have the same disposable income if you're raising a family together

As PPs have said it also depends on why one person is a low earner.

One OP was working FT and paying the bills whilst her bf worked a handful of hours a week and didn’t contribute, simply because he couldn’t be bothered (no kids or disabilities).

Imo, in an ideal world a newly moving in together couple should have living costs that the lower earner can comfortably afford to pay half of, and that should be how it starts. Both working full time.

Once kids/marriage is on the table, the joint account with identical "fun money" is the best approach. It covers the woman taking mat leave off, covers for if either partner reduces their hours to mind children, and sees all money as everyone's.

Dh earns way more than me. We have a joint pot which pays for everything, and we have equal spending money. We consult on large purchases. We are both pretty frugal, so don't buy much and only spend on holidays. We don;t argue about money, usually.

I would never consent to having a lower standard of living than him.

First moved in together - split everything 50/50.

Living together, before kids - work out how much a typical month costs and split it according to take home pay (33/66) etc. Separate "main" accounts and separate savings.

Once married or after children - everything in a pot - each take out equal "fun money" - everything else is family money for bills, children's expenses, holidays and savings.

You have to find something which works for you but I do agree that the overall thing of the person who earns more should pay more. Otherwise you have one person who is skint and one person with lots of disposable income left.

In the past dh earned more and paid all the bills, direct debit type bills. I paid for food shopping and clothes for dd. I worked pt because of dd so it wasn't my fault I earned less.

We now earn the same and have carried on with the same arrangement but our direct debits are only £700 a month I spend probably around 400 a month a food. I also tend to be the person who buys stuff for the house, new front door, new carpets, etc. So it evens out.

We've always kept separate accounts and a joint bills account. But I guess if the relationship is newer, or there aren't kids, not married then maybe the higher earner would feel the low earner isn't their responsibility???? But would they be happier with a lower standard of living if that's all the lower earner can afford?

Yes, we do all money in joint account, joint savings and then each have our own ‘spend pot’ and had this since we bought our first house in our early twenties. Back then DH earned more than me, now I earn 3 x his wage and we still do the same. We’re a family, I can’t imagine being in a committed relationship without equality, especially now we have kids.

This reads like a journo trying to get story fodder.

Pre kids whilst living together in our earlier 20s, we split 50:50.
Post kids, I went PT for a few years. All money was paid into the same pot. It still is "family money" although I'm now back to being the higher earner.

We put both our salaries into the same joint account. All bills, mortgage etc are paid from this account. What is left is split between savings and our individual 'spending money'. Which is equal. I really don't understand these complex arrangements where something pays 61% of this and 42% of that. Just pool your money.

I don’t have an opinion on what other people should do with their finances but our incomes go into the joint account. The stuff we pay for come out of the same pot. We live together and are married with children.

We do this too, I honestly hate the idea of pooling our salaries into one account, it's so old fashioned in my opinion!

I’m the high earner, I’m also ‘in charge’ of sorting all our finances as I’m much more financially responsible.

Bills are split such that we both have exactly the same amount of money left at the end of the month for ‘fun’ things. That’s also after contributing to a joint account so we have a pool of money for variable costs - grocery bills, items needed for our child, petrol etc. We also have exactly the same amount in savings (though not in pensions).

If one of us individually has a very expensive month, we ask the other for help if needed. More often than not, I may need to give my husband a couple of hundred, or pick up some of his expenses. This doesn’t bother me in the slightest because he does more care for our child - my job is intense and hours can be unforgiving. When we had our baby he took a pay cut to go into a lower paid, but MUCH more stable and 9-5 job, allowing him to cover all pick ups and drop offs if needed.

Neither of us are fussed about pooling all money and having it in one shared account - I don’t necessarily want my husband to see how much money I spend on crisps. I assume he also doesn’t want me to see how much money he spends on coffee.

I earn more than my partner does, so we split our main bills 50/50 (mortgage, council tax etc) but I pay for food and other treats. He pays for bits too obv, but I do pay more which I think is fair when you live together, especially if you have children.

But then again, it's also fair to split 50/50 equally if you're both adults and childfree (as in one parent isn't restricted to how much they can work).

@ToDamp0rNotToDamp very intrigued by your crisp spending!😂Are they posh crisps?

This. We both put 50% of our salaries into the “bills pot” and 20% into a “savings pot”. He earns more so pays more.

We have a Joint account and put the same percentage each of our wages in it to cover bills. As my husband earns more he pays more in cash terms. What’s left is our own. In fact, my husband was generously paying 15% more than me when I didn’t earn a lot but I’ve evened it up again recently as things were getting tight and I have less play money now than I used to.

Thats too vague a question to answer fairly imho. Mumsnet is the land of people who think all money is ours, should be paid into a joint account and shared equally except when the woman earns more than the man then he’s a c**klodger 😂😂

DH and I don’t have a joint account, haven’t sat down and worked out an exact % split of bills by income etc but everything gets paid and neither one of us feels any resentment towards the other re money.

For any relationship to work you need shared values, open communication and a degree of compromise- this applies to everything including finances.