To complain about how I was treated

[Sleepyevie9]

I’m on the Restart work programme to get back into work after a period of raising my daughter as a single parent and now I’m required to look for work.

I missed a few appointments due to my mental health which is awful at the moment. I suffer from depression and anxiety especially social anxiety which is diagnosed.

I’ve been trying my best. Applying for many jobs and had a few interviews recently.

ive also had a lot going on recently. Relative very unwell and has been told he only has a few weeks to live and I’m having to find somewhere new to live and threatened with homelessness due to landlord selling up.

Today I went in and was told I’m basically making excuses, my anxiety can’t be that bad and it’s only a valid reason if it’s crippling me which she says my anxiety clearly isn’t crippling me. She said other people with anxiety manage alright on the scheme. She said I’m not trying hard enough and basically dismissed everything I was saying.

She said other people come in several times an week and look for jobs on their computers and why can’t I. (I’ve never been asked to do this).

She asked me what was going on so I told her and she basically just raised her voice at me and basically just told me to suck it up and basically acted as if my issues weren’t real and I was faking it.

tbh I had already had an awful morning and was feeling rubbish so then I started getting quite upset because of how she was talking to me when I’m already feeling quite fragile and she didn’t offer me a tissue or anything, basically just laughed in my face and rolled her eyes at me.

The whole appointment she spoke to me like I was a child being told off and I felt undermined.

Aibu to complain?

TBH the number of issues DOES make it sound like excuses. Over-egging the cake.

OP may or may not have various issues that make life hard atm. But lots of people on mumsnet have had similar issues, or worse, and powered through. Lots of people I know have had awful times - particularly the last few years. We don’t all have the option not to work, as OP has had.

What the woman said was harsh. OP can complain if she wants to. It won’t change anything though - OP will still be unemployed and need to seek work and the woman will keep her job as there’s not enough people doing those roles.

And many many people with anxiety and depression don't manage to stay at work. You could say the same about many illnesses and conditions - cancer, arthritis etc. These things affect different people more or less at different times.

If OP had a job at the moment, it's quite possible she'd be signed off, or taking annual leave to deal with her relative's terminal illness / housing problems.

OP hasn't said she doesn't want to work. But a sensible and efficient use of public funds here would be to support her mental health first.

not a Tory but certainly drinking their koolaid.

Cost of living up, spending on benefits down.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/283954/benefit-expenditure-in-the-uk/#:~:text=Government%20expenditure%20on%20benefits%20in%20the%20UK%201948%2D2023&text=In%202022%2F23%20the%20UK,expenditure%20was%20234.2%20billion%20pounds.

As usual everyone is angry at the lowest in society when their anger should be directed higher up the food chain but as ever there’s no point talking to the daily mail eaters.

What a nasty cow Op.
She needs to be sorted out to treat people like that is disgusting.
Can you change her to someone more human?
Take a support person.
I hate these sort of people who think they are able to treat you like this why because of your personal circumstances.
Excuses or life happens she should be able to work with you in a more sensitive manner.
I would have asked to see her supervisor or find out where you can complain!
What a Bitch.
BTW, write a formal complaint.
Excuses...I have Excuses for being unable to do work days sometimes, do they want to know anymore why..no not at all.
Another government pushy paper pushing unskilled cow who is paid by the government! She's no better than the rest of us.
I hate these sorts of people.
BTW let your doctor know if she lays it on you for support or something so she can not tamper with your income of need be I don't know over their in the UK.
Aren't these types of schemes to help? Encourage, support or some such crap I imagine. Pfft.

YANBU

I'm not sure what the backlash on this post is all about (you don't see it on other posts where it probably is warranted).

She sounded like she was being a total cow, OP.

My DD gets one of these down the Job Centre, too. My DD does have a job and has trained and worked bloody hard to set up her own business. She has to go in for UC (I don't know how these things work anymore) but the woman is still a right cowbag. Power just goes to some people's heads.

Job centre staff are horrible. I’m diagnosed with autism and they told me I don’t look autistic because “you have a degree and you’re sitting here talking”. Apparently they know better than doctors do.

So when I said I can’t do x or y jobs they rolled their eyes and said oh yeah because your “autistic” (did the quotes with their fingers). Told me I just needed to try harder to overcome my autism.

I would find out their complaints process and put in a factual complaint. I would also go to your doctor for help with your mental health.

You might find that your mental health improves if you work. I have appalling mental health issues, currently seeing a psychiatrist after 3 years of ptsd, but have never stopped working-I think it’s what’s kept me going, along with my children.
No one should have spoken to you like they did, that’s never going to help anyone. I wish you well with your job hunt.

What are you doing to tackle your MH?

It sounds like things are difficult right now. Try keep in mind that it will pass (sometimes like a kidney stone) but how you feel right now won't last forever.

With kindness, from your post and use of the word 'basically' my take is that was how you felt, not that her intention was for you to feel that way. You felt dismissed and your struggles were being discounted which is an awful experience. Sometimes when we're in the midst of a hard time it's difficult to separate what was said vs how we felt about it. When anxiety is high/struggling with mh things can feel like a personal attack.

From your post I don't think I'd complain but perhaps would contact someone around your experience and how you felt. Maybe they need more training on how to support job seekers with mh problems. Her job is to get you to find work and I would expect to be asked about why I was struggling to attend appointments or finding job hunting difficult - which is what it sounds like she's done although not in an empathetic way.

If of course she has directly said to you that your making excuses and actually laughed and rolled her eyes at you then I'd ignore above and complain!

As a secondary issue what support have you for your mh and housing? Shelter have really good advice on homelessness and it might be worth approaching your local housing association see what support they can offer.

Maybe she is suffering from MH problems herself and you were the last straw? Complaining might push her over the edge. Like you, she might not be coping well with life. Maybe you should give her a break and not put in a complaint. When accommodating needs, whose needs trump whose?

please try and complain if this happens again. Apart from being spiteful it’s a complete lack of professionalism

The needs of the person supposedly being supported trump those of the person who is being paid to “support” them. Every time.

Exactly, but sensible posts like that usually bring in the oxymoron argument of 'but she's at her work!! She shouldn't be letting her personal issues get in the way of her working! She needs to forget her own issues and accept that op can't work because her issues would affect her'🤔

If she can’t do her job without being utterly unpleasant and exacerbating others mental health she should probably consider getting signed off herself or find a new job. And tbh even if she is say feeling under stress the likelihood is she always harboured ill-feeling against people like OP and her stress has just brought it out to the surface. This won’t have came from nowhere.

Either way that’s for her workplace to make those accommodations eg. Take her off customer facing work for a while or whatever.

It’s not for OP to assume, or manage - all she needs to do is report it and the work coach can discuss whatever is going on in her life/mental health etc with her employers and what they can do to make sure she’s not bullying vulnerable service users.

Jesus, some of the replies on this thread are breathtakingly cruel. It has actually made me really sad.

OP hasn’t said she doesn’t want to work, although tbh I don’t blame her if the prospect of finding and keeping a job seems pretty overwhelming right now. The back to work programme is supposed to help her overcome these barriers. And yes, it’s true that work can be hugely beneficial to mental health, and hopefully that will be the case for OP. But people like OP need proper support to get back into work. What they don’t need is to be kicked while they are down.

For what it’s worth I think OP is doing pretty well under the circumstances. She’s applying for jobs and getting interviews, so she clearly isn’t skiving. Have some compassion, for god’s sake.

@SisterSabotage

*I don't think that's the problem. The problem is that some staff are unprofessional.

And please don't make sweeping statements like "too many people play the mental health card". You might think that but you don't and cannot know the legitimacy of a claimant's health issues.*

Yes, some staff are unprofessional.
But I stand by what I said, there are thousands of people who genuinely cannot work due to crippling MH issues, & there are thousands that can but are too lazy. Yes those people do exist. The latter are the ones who ruin it for the former, they know they don't have to go back to work if they claim to have MH problems. So everyone gets tarnished with the same brush, resulting in a situation such as the OP's.

I do however disagree with the amount of pressure that is put on single parents to get back into work before the child is of school age, I had a friend who had this issue and it triggered her MH. She kept having to hand in sick notes to the job centre to the point they started asking questions. It's a vicious circle.

OP I have worked for DWP and re-start and other programmes get a lot of complaints. Please contact the jobcentre via your UC journal telling them you want to put in an official complaint about how you were treated. Give all of the info you have given here. I would also advise you go to your GP and get a sick note, this will then stop you having to attend the face to face restart appointments whilst you focus on your health.
I hope you can get some support in feeling better.

Well you’ve just heard that straight from the horse’s mouth.

OP, it may be worth seeing if your local Council has employment support workers. At a Council I know of, they are friendly and helpful, can help with training, job opportunities, applications, interviews etc and can also help with overcoming barriers to work. They will also have knowledge ofc and links to,other services within the Council that may be helpful.

Obviously you’d still need to jump through DWP hoops, but some proper support might make a big difference to you and it will demonstrate extra clearly to the DWP that you are trying your best.

This suggestion might not be what you need right now, but I thought I’d throw it out there just in case.

Well said. Some of the replies on this thread, re. mental health, have been disgusting.

OP what did you mean about it being voluntary?
I would complain, yes. I’d also second the advice of a pp and go back to the GP for a sick note and help to access further support. Are you taking any medication?

sorrry if you’ve already answered that somewhere

I definitely want to work to people saying I do not. Fed up of living month to month and barely getting by. I’ve had a few interviews and had some good feedback so that’s positive.

Worked before I had my daughter too and have qualifications. Just trying to find my feet again as my confidence isn’t great

Just feel like she wasn’t a supportive employment advisor

I should have mentioned I am currently on a fit note and my work coach at the job centre is very supportive.

I just feel my Restart advisor could have approached it differently

Of course she could.

There is a very unhealthy culture on here of kicking people when they are down. Looking for work is a hill to climb for sure especially when your confidence is low.

Keep at it, I'm sure you'll get your opening.