To complain about how I was treated

[Sleepyevie9]

I’m on the Restart work programme to get back into work after a period of raising my daughter as a single parent and now I’m required to look for work.

I missed a few appointments due to my mental health which is awful at the moment. I suffer from depression and anxiety especially social anxiety which is diagnosed.

I’ve been trying my best. Applying for many jobs and had a few interviews recently.

ive also had a lot going on recently. Relative very unwell and has been told he only has a few weeks to live and I’m having to find somewhere new to live and threatened with homelessness due to landlord selling up.

Today I went in and was told I’m basically making excuses, my anxiety can’t be that bad and it’s only a valid reason if it’s crippling me which she says my anxiety clearly isn’t crippling me. She said other people with anxiety manage alright on the scheme. She said I’m not trying hard enough and basically dismissed everything I was saying.

She said other people come in several times an week and look for jobs on their computers and why can’t I. (I’ve never been asked to do this).

She asked me what was going on so I told her and she basically just raised her voice at me and basically just told me to suck it up and basically acted as if my issues weren’t real and I was faking it.

tbh I had already had an awful morning and was feeling rubbish so then I started getting quite upset because of how she was talking to me when I’m already feeling quite fragile and she didn’t offer me a tissue or anything, basically just laughed in my face and rolled her eyes at me.

The whole appointment she spoke to me like I was a child being told off and I felt undermined.

Aibu to complain?

It's hard being a single parent.

I don’t think Op is necessarily annoyed. She’s just stating a fact that she is required to find work .

And to be fair, as a single parent it’s understandable one would want to be a bit older before going out to work. And she seems to be genuinely struggling.

That said, I do get what you mean generally speaking though. My former co-workers sons father deliberately doesn’t work to avoid child maintenance and so he can be around more to control whoever he is in a relationship with .

He was in good physical health when he was knocking my friend about before she left him, and sending death threats when she tried to escape etc but has been signed off long term sick since she left him 20 years ago. He can’t quite articulate what’s wrong with him to her, but he does like a drink and dabbles in recreational drugs so we suspect he’s spun some tale to the doctor. If he really wanted to work though, he would.

However your alway’s going to get people like that and OPs situation seems very different . Either way the work coach can’t be speaking to people like that. It’s not helpful.

From my small amount of knowledge of the Restart programme I understand that you are meant to receive support. That person sounded the complete opposite of supportive.

Sorry you’re having such a hard time OP. You should complain. I think a lot of people who haven’t been in the position to claim won’t understand. Just after Uni, my Mum was in financial hardship and I was worried I wouldn’t get a job fast enough to help. I went to the job centre just once and couldn’t believe the way they treat people. It’s the power trip that some of them are clearly on. I would never have expected this had I not seen it.

@honeyinwine Not everyone is the same. Your colleagues are employed and for that reason alone may have a number of treatment options that they are utilising that the OP does not have access to.

No don't complain, just tell her you will not be spoken to like that again. Ignore the patronising cow and give her no headspace. Good luck finding a job, god knows it's hard enough without patronising cows in job centres.

I think the problem here is that so many people who are required to look for work immediately pull the MH card, ruining it for those who's MH really is getting in the way of life & therefore job prospects.

Did you read where she said op had never contacted her… so op found the email evidence and no acknowledgment? If going in to apply for work is voluntary it needs to be very clear that it’s actually compulsory for anyone who hasn’t found work.
maybe the op could do better but this woman was biased and unfair. As well as failing to take any responsibility herself. This is her job and she doesn’t sound very good at it.

Yes complain. You have a right to be treated with respect. She is within her rights to remind you of your obligations but eye rolling, sarcasm and using phrases like suck it up is very unprofessional. Her opinion is beside the point, her role is to deliver a service.

I don't think that's the problem. The problem is that some staff are unprofessional.

And please don't make sweeping statements like "too many people play the mental health card". You might think that but you don't and cannot know the legitimacy of a claimant's health issues.

Do you want to work or no? You say it’s a requirement, this doesn’t sound like a choice you’ve made because you want to but rather because you feel forced into it.

OP how about a job at a preschool? You have obviously been caring for your 3 year old, there are loads of jobs available with the governments childcare expansion and works well with caring for you child.

Many of us very sadly have ill relatives/children/spouses etc and still have to work.

If you had more financial security you could have more choices re landlord and also you would avoid the work program you're on with this person. Win win win!

I think you need to change your way of thinking op. You need to get a job. Don’t feel victimised. It’s life. Working is the default. Working when you have kids under 3 is the default. Working 9-5 when you have kids under 3 is the default, it’s what most people do. It’s normal.

Take control. Decide what job you want to get and actively start looking. That’s the best way to get her off your back. And as someone who worked when having severe depression for many years, working in my tedious, dead end job saved me. It got me out of bed every morning, it made me get dressed and look respectable, it got me talking to people. Take control of your life. Show your daughter how to live properly and she’ll respect you for it later.

Mehmeh22 · Yesterday 22:56

I know the Restart programme with Ingeus (in Greater Manchester) and they are there to support you to find a job as you must have been referred by the Job Centre.

Work coaches are motivated by their £200 bonuses for every job seeker they get into employment, so people with MH issues are pushed to the extreme by their key workers.

• Job seekers being faced with a key worker who stands up, and yells abuse in confrontational and aggressive manner at them so if their MH was not bad before, it certainly would have been after I was told a large room full of people went silent and that This incident sent ripples of alarm through the whole room. This key worker was instantly dismissed and got another job with another provider where her prejudiced has continued.

• Job seekers whose hospital appointments are marked as absences.

• Sanctions being forced on job seekers who were not informed about the appointment so did not turn up, and lost weight due to not having enough money to buy food for some weeks whilst waiting for their next benefit payment.

Unfortunately, some suffer horrendously, it's the stuff of nightmares despite job seekers showing motivation and actively proving they are willing and seeking to work.

I know someone who has been through this so it's high time job seekers went to their appointments fully mic'd up the media would be buzzing if they knew what really goes on behind closed doors.

You need to seek treatment you are responsible for that and yes endless reasons or however you want to word it is excuses

You can complain all you like but you need to fix it, I am sure the staff hear constant excuses every day

My only experience of this is with a family member. Fortunately they were given a lot of support and understanding from the scheme so yes, I would complain. They were put through confidence and self esteem workshops before even looking at work. They did training for lots of different things which really helped and their designated worker was on hand to answer questions and give support.

Christ the lack of empathy on here is astounding

It dies sound like a series of excuses.

Why should we be empathetic? There are lots of people with lots of issues who go to work every day because that’s how bills are paid. The OP needs to join these people.

The sanctimony on this thread is sickening. People are actually expecting the OP to “power through” poor mental health, a dying relative and the prospect of imminent eviction and possible homelessness. Dead easy, is that. The latter 2 won’t make poor mental health worse at all…

On top of that, she apparently should just put up with some self important bellend telling her off like a naughty child and accusing of her lying with no proof of that whatsoever presumably.

Why should people be empathetic? Maybe because as humans we all should be? Rather than Tory robots.

And that’s a reason to kick someone when they are clearly down? When did we become such a race to the bottom culture? What kind of values are you instilling in your kids with this attitude? Your username really does say it all. This place has gotten more disgusting recently.

She was unkind and unfair, OP, and nothing in your posts suggests you deserved that.

People are reading all sorts of things into your post to make whatever points they feel like making. Please don't take it personally.

I would take away from this that you need help with your mental health for your own sake, not for this woman or for some of the hypercritical posters on this thread. You need that help because you are worth it, whether or not you have a job or make it to these appointments. You have a lot to deal with and you are taking care of others too.

Don't fall into the trap of taking that woman too seriously. Someone who behaves that way - unnecessarily loud, getting the information wrong and not apologising, showing disdain instead of empathy - has nothing useful to tell you about yourself.

Put the energy you have towards getting help and support. I'm not sure I would take on the emotional burden of complaining.

Hope things improve for you - please do whatever you can to get real support for yourself.

Many people have anxiety and depression and work otherwise they’d be homeless and starve. Their relatives die, they don’t just quit their jobs?

I don’t think you liked what she was saying as she didn’t sugar coat it for you.

It’s attitudes like yours that are the reason why we have crumbling public services. Do you know how much of our taxes go on benefits? OP doesn’t want to go to work cause she is depressed and anxious. This just pisses in the face of all of those people who are depressed and anxious but who get up and go to work because it’s the right thing to do.

Not a Tory by the way. I loathe the Tories and everything they stand for. I just think that those who can work need to work. We can’t have an endlessly rising number of people on benefits. OP is capable of working. She May not want to work. She may not enjoy work, but she should work. I want my taxes spend on better public services, not endless people saying they are not capable of working due to an anxiety and depression.

Ignore the people replying to you who clearly haven’t the faintest idea of the toll poor mental health can take. They’re just making themselves look silly and aren’t worth engaging with- there’s a very unpleasant flavour of commenter on this site that seems to revel in kicking people when they’re down. Nothing more infuriating than being told to ‘suck it up’ or that you’re ‘making excuses’ when you can barely function.

Definitely complain, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Well done for managing to go in at all when you’re feeling so shit, and I’m sorry about your relative.