Changing the name of an adopted child

[Lospecesenelrio]

It's not about me, but because I am going to adopt my sd, I have been on lots of adoption forums. There's one thread that really caught my attention. 2 white American who adopted a little girl from the DR of the Congo and were complaining that her name was too "exotic" (their word not mine) and wanted to change it. The name is... Prospère!

But what shock me the most is that the child is 9yo. Am I completely oblvious or is this some type of abuse?

Surely it depends on the wishes of the child. Personally I wouldn't think to change the name of a child that age.

I don't think it's ever ok to change a child's name, whatever their age.

@Sapphire387 I forgot to mention that the child speaks French and is learning English. Idk how she would give any consent with the language barrier.

I think this issues goes beyond the name. I haven’t seen the original story, but if the child’s name is too exotic, presumably all of the child’s culture and heritage is also “too exotic”.

It's indicative of a certain mentality amongst some adopters (particularly in the US I've noticed) that when a child comes to live with you, their past to date can be erased and they can waltz into the sunset in this fairytale new life with you like the first 9 (or however many) years never happened. White saviour syndrome plays a part here too. It is almost never that simple at any age and certainly not at 9 years old.

Perhaps OK for a baby, as long as it is all explained to child when older and not hidden But for a 9 year old, NO, totally wrong, unless it is requested by the child.

This is spot on, there are some really odd Americans, particularly in the bible belt. Poor child.

Completely off topic but Prospère is a beautiful name.

There are situations where it’s recommended, including in international adoptions where the name might impede integration and enhance the child’s potential feelings of not belonging because its pronunciation is challenging in the language of the new country. There is a lot of debate in the adoption community about name changing, but in isolation calling it “some type of abuse” isn’t called for.

They said they want her to be American, to feel American and for that she needs an "American" name ( Whatever that means, DRC has lots of biblical names too).

@ComtesseDeSpair The child is not a baby. Does not speak English. It sounds quite abusive to me. So, once you're adopted you say Sayonara to your entire past? Prosperité is hardly an unknown word, the English equivalent is nearly identic. I could understand changing it to Prosperity.

They said they want her to be American, to feel American and for that she needs an "American" name

They have a very narrow view of what being American looks like considering most Americans are immigrants.

i was adopted when I was 7 - my name was slightly changed so it now ends in E and not A as original. My sisters name remained the same. We had other sisters who were adopted by other people, one of them was adopted as a new born and her name was changed.

Is it Prospère or Prosperité? Depending on where in the US they live, the latter could be quite challenging for pronunciation integration wise. A small town in e.g. Montana is very different to NYC.

Equally, they presumably know more about the child’s background than they’ve chosen to share on SM. Prospère / Prosperité could simply be a name given by an orphanage rather than the name the child has always had.

I wouldn't say it was abusive but at 9 it's just wrong and unfair. I would also be concerned about the mindset of adoptive parents about accepting and promoting the adoptive daughter cultural heritage. Huge red flag going forward.

A friend of mine was actually a divided to change the name of her adopted new born baby as it was a ridiculous made up name and they thought it would be too easy for family members to possibly track him down before he was 18 and cause problems. Friend did keep it as a middle name (birth mother had requested adoption at birth. It wasn't forced) as she felt it fair to the birth mother as she had choosen it made it up for her son very bravely gave him up for a better life.

It depends on the circumstances of the adoption. I have heard of people changing names if they are unusual and would identify them to the birth family. They must have a way of communicating with the child or they wouldn't have been able to take them home considering they wouldn't be able to meet her needs.

@BrieAndChilli it's unusual to change a name, even for a baby. Was the original name very unusual / identifiable on social media? Or was the baby living very close to birth family?

This happened to a friend of mine, and she didn't find out until the day she sat her O levels, (yes it was a long time ago!) and the register had a different christian name on it.

When she questioned the teacher, she was told that this was her official name and that for her exams to count she had to use that name. She told me that she always knew she was adopted, not least because both her parents are white and she describes herself as a bit more than tinted, but to find out they had changed her name was a huge issue. She felt like they had stolen the only thing she had that was hers.

As soon as she was 18 she started to use her original name, and went through a lot of therapy helping her come to terms with her adoption and identity battles.

I thought that this type of thing had gone away a long time ago tbh. And yes, I think it borders on abuse.

Sadly, I think this is true.

I've seen it in the community where I live (US) - children from Guatemala given names like Liam and Kevin, children from Russia whose names weren't Anglo enough (Igor, Oleg, Vitaly) all called Alex, and girls whose names were Svetlana, Oksana, or Lyudmila all given names like Elena, Sophia, or Anastasia - names you can find in Russia so preserving a part of the Russian heritage but not the specific name the child came with. To be fair, the adoption process from Russia (adoptions have stopped now) involved the Russian officials erasing the patronymic from the child's paperwork, but still...

This practice was part of the Russian government's objections to adoptions of Russian children (as well as serious and often heinous abuse suffered by many Russian children at the hands of their adoptive parents). It was all part of a very negative picture.

Children from China, Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam are often given their original names as middle names around here.

@CountTo10
Yes, the possibility of children being traced by abusers or their extended families can be a good reason to give a new name. I know people who moved to the other end of the US because the children they adopted were spotted by extended family members. Luckily they became aware of an attempt to contact the children.

Though actually, adoptions of older children now require the maintenance of contact between the children and their bio parents in the US, so changing names isn't possible, and unless terrible abuse has been proven, contact must be maintained, so the adoptive parents have to stay in the same state as the parents, or even the same area, as a practical choice to avoid long travel times across big states.

Blimey, I wouldn't even change the names of my adopted cats.

This is really interesting. Even if a child has “only” been neglected by their birth parents, I’d have assumed that continued contact would both be a continuation of their trauma and an impediment to them bonding properly with their adoptive parents.

I wonder if they’ve considered keeping her name and using a nickname like Perrie

I'm an American and frankly, the family who think that name is exotic and she should have an American name seem unAmerican - please don't be offended, but they sound far more British as I notice UK people have a lot of conversations about naming children (is it posh, is it classic, etc.) where here in the US, we assume a name just reflects whatever culture you come from and we have a lot of cultures. If you adopted a child from another country and she's 9 and you decide to rename her an Anglo name like Emma or Katherine, most people would think you were an asshole and a racist.