Changing the name of an adopted child

[Lospecesenelrio]

It's not about me, but because I am going to adopt my sd, I have been on lots of adoption forums. There's one thread that really caught my attention. 2 white American who adopted a little girl from the DR of the Congo and were complaining that her name was too "exotic" (their word not mine) and wanted to change it. The name is... Prospère!

But what shock me the most is that the child is 9yo. Am I completely oblvious or is this some type of abuse?

This is very wrong and it's unfortunate if they are allowed to do it.

Names can be very complex in adoption, sometimes it is very much encouraged, especially where a name is very distinctive. Interestingly the childrens act sees a childs surname as more important than their first name. It varies hugely by country, you also have to remember that private adoption is very very different to state adoption.

Our two are adopted, our son had his name changed on the advice of SS so he used to be John Smith and he is now David John Smith Jones. Our daughter wasn’t named by her birth mother, so her name may change in the future if her birth mother expresses a preference for a name, in which case it will become out daughters middle name. So she is currently Katie Smith Jones and hopefully one day will have a middle name added.

@Simonjt probably because arguments about surnames involve children who aren't adopted as well.

My friend's sister was adopted - they changed one vowel in her name. Think, Sophia - Sophie.

Poor little girl, they don't sound like suitable adoptive parents. Racist and white saviour-ist. Not learning your 9yo child's language, not liking names that 'sound' black or 'exotic', seemingly not consulting her in her name choice. It's like adoption practices from decades ago!
I hope they've budgeted for therapy, because it sounds like Prospérité is going to need it.

Btw Prosper is normally a boy's name, as I'm sure you know from your knowledge of French. I too am amused at the idea of Espérance being a Swahili word 😁 just because we can translate names, doesn't mean we should! My family's names would be mum Blind, dad Rock, and sibling Lightning...

There are some closed adoptions where names are changed to protect the child, but to change it just because you don't like it, especially in an older child, is awful behaviour

@Lospecesenelrio yes I totally agree.

Huh. The advice from adoption agencies is now very strongly not to change the name as it can mess up the child’s psychology. Either they used a shit adoption agency or they’re total wankers.

If I adoped a child with a name that I thought would hold them back (eg ‘Apple’), I’d possibly add an extra first name so their embaressing name became a middle name, or if the child was age 1+ I might suggest they use a nickname - but in general changing the name is not ok.

That said calling it abuse is extreme and I think a little disrespectful to victims of actual child abuse.

@Delphinium20

Your comment is offensive.

In the UK it’s heavily frowned on to change an adoptive child’s name. Even a baby.

How do you feel about the change? Did your feelings about it change over time?

Changing a name when adopted is personal and complex. For example, if you’re adopting from foster care in the US and the child has a very unique name, you may need to change it for safety reasons. When you’re adopting, you change the last name of the child and at that time you can change the name to anything you’d like, but I think kids should be a part of that decision. Personally I wouldn’t seek to change a name but if the child asked I’d support them.

Unless a parent is incarcerated, the bond is considered sacrosanct. I don't think it's a child centered policy, personally.

Some abusive parents are incredibly manipulative and volatile, and the poor children continue to get hurt, while the adoptive parents have to put up with all kinds of shit like explaining why meth head daddy didn't show up to the contact center...again.

Plus, you restrict the pool of potential adopters to a small number who are able and willing to commit to staying within the state or close to the bio parents. This rules out military families and many others who would be able to offer a good home to older kids, with ample health insurance, professional prospects, etc.