Husband acting like I'm the hired help.

[gr8mama]

I'm a stay at home mum to 2 little darlings, 1 and 2 and a half. Things are very busy as you can imagine, I've given up paid work to look after the kids full time, with no plans to return to work. Husband has a stressful job and is really under pressure at the moment at work. Not sure what he means but husband just said that "a few basic things are being missed around the house". (Not sure what he's on about, house tidy, dinner ready when he comes in, laundry done etc etc. Basically we've run out of milk and I've asked him to get some on his way back from the gym!!) Anyway to that I said "who the hell do you think you are saying that" I felt like he's my employer complaining about my work. To which he said "I'm the one that pays your bloody mortgage thats who I am!".....I'm seething! I've just told him I'm not going to iron another shirt or make another packed lunch for him, am I being unreasonable?

yes with an arrangement that he financially provides and she is sahm so both equally important imo

what are you chuntering on about, trying to turn this into another sahm Vs Working.YAWN

Smile sweetly and don't buy any toilet roll. Nothing like a desperate dash around the house and ending up with scratchy kitchen roll to focus a man's mind on being a little more empathetic.

ha

No, scottish mummy, I believe that was you. Like being nasty to people when they are down, do you!

some men assume its easy looking after house and kids,mine did untill i went away for a weekend and he had to do it, he now thinks its far easier and less stressful going out to work

re-read gr8 post about feeling this thread has maybe misrepresented her husband (she wrote it) she sounds pissed off in op but hardly at end of tether

glazedkremedonuts - staing a divergent opinion is not nasty, its debate.and if you don't want a contrary view dont post on AIBU or any open forum discussion for that matter.goodnight

ffs stop bitching everyone. Glazed hope you ok. How is your ds now? Are the painkillers working? You will be ok you know. The bastard is out of your life now. Someday someone will come along and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Thinking of you x

I've been on both sides SAHM for 4 yrs and I've not too recently returned to work (10 mths)...I have to say going to work is friggin easier in mine and my DH's opinion...he tried the 'I work hard for this family,I provide what the fuk are you doing?' bollocks!...SAHM is 24hrs a day..no friggin breaks and at times relentless...he had to take care of them for just a few days when I was unwell...they managed to put the mobile down the toilet,cover each other in various creams and lotions...create a swing in their wardrobe from a dressing gown ...drive him nuts and that was a few days!!!...he had a new found respect for what I dealt with on a daily basis..and I respected what he was doing for our family and supported him 100%...but at the end of the day it's about respect pure and simple...

I think this is being blown up out of proportion. The OP's DH made a snidey comment because she forgot the milk which he shouldn't have done but we all have bad days. OP blew up at him, which was probably not the best response, but we all have bad days. And then he threw an answer back to her question. Emotional abuse? I hardly think so.

And as for this SAHM being 24/7 - yawn.

I am a SAHM 2 days a week and work in the City the other 3 and guess which is easier on a day to day basis - going to work, having a nice lunchbreak - dealing with adults who don't tend to have tantrums and throw themsleves on the floor at the drop of a hat.

Being a SAHM is no breze - that is why I chose not to do it full time.

So althugh he is proviing your job is just as taxing and you have 2 little ones whose lives literally depend on you - in a keeping them safe during the day kinda way and ensuring they are brought up properly!

agree with bozza
The OP's DH said something he shouldn't have done - haven't we all? Unless he does it all the time or it is indicative of worse then it's not abuse.
As for those saying bill him for the laundry, childcare etc, we surely it should only be split between the two of them?

i agree with bozza. You have both had it hard lately, you with the kid's colds, him with pressure at work and unfortunately you both need a bit more input from the other person just at the same time. Your tiredness has made you both tetchy and you both said things you would not normally say. Do you think if you had said- yes i know, i am really shattered not getting enough sleep at night - would have diffused the issue? I suspect from your second post it would have done. Also if he had responded more sympathetically it would also have settled the problem. A temporary miscommunication methinks- as long as you don't allow it to fester and acknowledge that you do not take each other for granted and appreciate each other's input.

WOHM/ SAHM not relevant in this discussion IMO, just how to get the balance right in any partnership- it can apply as much to WOHMs too.

Blimey. I can't believe men talk to their wives like this in the 21st century.

Going off on a tangent here, but do you think that households on benefits where NO adults work still have these kinds of arguments OR is it just the people who have strong work ethics that get themselves in a lather about who does the most work?
I know quite a few friends on benefits and they never have this type of argument, cos probably they have the stress of work taken off them...not surprising when some of them actually earn more than my DH! .
Sorry that should not be earn, more like take.
No wonder the country is going downhill.
AB

Why are you angry ripeberry, jealousy? You call them friends, do they know you feel this way? Dont some people need extra support? Im happy for my tax money (and dh`s considerable tax payments) to go towards helping those less fortunate. if I thought so little of someone I would not call them a friend, in fact I would stay clear.

Judgy! And nothing to do with the op as you point out.

Not to say that I think the OP was wrong to come on here and let off steam. We all need to do that sometimes. Hope things are better this morning gr8mama.

(sorry hijack)..Mehdismummy. thanks for asking, Im in a really bad way. My knee is now immobilised, I have crutches, and am waiting to see the orthapaedic consultant. I cant actually bend it, and walking is painful. The other cuts and bruises and healing, but look worse now they are getting better iykwim.

It has already got easier, he is out my life, mehdismummy! I cant say Im not struggling, but its alright

if you still in london can come round and help out if you need me to?

Im out of London, staying with friends for a short while, as I really cant do much for myself at the moment, but it would be nice to meet up sometime, when I dont look so awful. Thank you again.

Im planning on moving within a commute to London. So perhaps we could meet for a coffee sometime?

How do you use cat msgs?

you have to have paid for membership and then you go to contact a mumsnetter at top of page x

mehdismummy...here you go you can write to me at glazedkremedonuts at gmail dot com x

Now I work and I do have some sympathy for working parents who get stressed trying to do everything but....

"I'm the one that pays your bloody mortgage thats who I am!" would elicit the response "and I'm the one who bloody looks after your kids. Pay a bloody housekeeper if you want one".