AIBU to think these nursery illnesses are taking the piss?

[Tangletweaser]

DD (nearly 1) started nursery 3 months ago. I knew and expected illnesses, I didn’t however expect so much and so many serious illnesses - she is my first so I wanted to know whether this is ‘normal’ and I’m being precious or whether this is a lot.

Illnesses so far
5 x colds
1 x glandular fever (which I am still suffering with!)
4 x D&V bugs
1x RSV (which was serious, required hospital treatment and DD was on a feeding tube for 3 days!)
2 x HF&M
1 x tonsillitis
1 x COVID (was tested)
1 x scarlet fever
1 x ringworm

she hasn’t had one full week (and she only does a 3 day week, was only 2 days the first month as well) since she started. Most of these illnesses DH and I then get, which is causing a lot of issues work wise as well (I have not had a full week back from mat leave since coming back too) for both of us.

AIBU to think this is a lot?

would putting her with a childminder make it less likely she’d get ill? Or would it not make a difference 😩

Just to add before it starts, DH takes equal time off for sickness with DD, but it’s hard to manage with our jobs atm and us getting unwell too

That’s not normal no! Amazing to get all that in 3 months, given the recovery time for some of the illnesses you have listed.

That's quite a bit of different illnesses. Mine just had colds and temperatures with the odd chicken pox thrown in

No that's not normal, DD started nursery at 9 months, she's now 2.5 and has only been off nursery twice, once with toddler diarrhoea (until we had a GP confirm that's what it was and she went back) and once with a D&V bug.

That's not normal. She must pretty much have been constantly sick. I would be concerned about her immune system.

That sounds awful!
You do expect to get illnesses, especially at this time of year and a small amount of parents do send their children in poorly to spread, but not that many.
Hope you’re all feeling better soon.

@Gemstonebeach some overlapped, so for example when she had RSV she also had a D&V bug and developed a chest infection (which I didn’t add to the list…they all blur into one after so many!)

DH and I then got the D&V bug so had to take it in turns at hospital, the other would be at home living on the toilet ☹️

@3WildOnes pretty much

Since starting she has only had one week of not being unwell (and that was the week between Christmas and new years so no nursery)

it’s a cycle, she gets ill at Nursery, works through it Friday - Monday (when not in) gets better for the Tuesday when back in nursery to catch something else :(

it takes 6 months for it to stop usually.
I think some nurseries are better than others though at not accepting sick children.

That is a lot! I'd be wondering about the nursery's hygiene standards. Mine started at 6 months and was ill a fair few times in the first year - colds, upset tummy, chicken pox but nothing to that extreme. It was enough that my boss got a bit pissed off. But after that first year, she's rarely been very ill since - she's now 19. I think she missed a handful of days in secondary school.

@MissAmbrosia after the RSV I had a bit of a meltdown on the phone to the nursery regarding hygiene (I must admit I wasn’t very polite and regretted it after) and they upped their hand washing etc. but it hasn’t seemed to help too much.

Thankfully (not meant in a mean way) a colleague in my team came back from maternity leave a week after I did and her little one has also been very poorly so it’s not seen as just me being an issue at work, so they’re not annoyed with me, it’s more I’m stressed as I have loads on and can’t ever seem to get anything sorted before being sick myself.

That's not normal and I would actually speak to a GP about her immune system. Endless coughs and colds - depressingly normal. Occasional d&v is expected but not 4 times in 3 months! COVID, yep sadly normal. HFM once is expected (although unlucky to catch so soon) but twice so quickly is strange. The others are definitely unusual, especially glandular fever which is largely a teenage disease!

Unless your nursery has appalling hygiene procedures (are other kids suffering in the same way?), I would be concerned about underlying health issues.

I think it could be really area dependent and to be honest in my experience, year and child dependant.

My first in the first 3 months was off alot - HFM, Chicken Pox, Scarlett Fever, D&V bugs (which is 48 hour each case alone). Add on top colds (which were constant between Oct and Mar really) but he didn't have time off for those. He probably didn't do a full week in the first 3 months - although I was part time for 2 of those months so I didn't have to take my time off as it always coincided with Thurs and Fri ready for the weekends. The first 6 months were hard with illness that then I get and some were very sick for.

My second has only been off 2/3 days in a whole year with a temperature. A lot of colds etc but nothing that required time off nursery. I've done a few early pick ups as she's 'not been herself' but I finish at 2.30pm anyway so haven't counted though. There have definitely been less 'sickness' notices at nursery this time around.

Same nursery, same amount of children, same nursery workers. I put it down to:

1. being 5 years apart (2018 to 2023)
2. having an older sibling makes the second more resilient
3. our area is not having any peak cases of anything at the moment - in 2018 I think we had the highest scarlet fever and chicken pox rates so the nursery said.

It will end. Your daughter is building up immunity. I had the same thing, it's so hard at the time but you'll look back in a few months and it will have passed in a blur. I'd advise sticking with it.

@ArtichokeAardvark yes the glandular fever was an odd one, so much so DH keeps jokingly asking who I keep kissing behind his back to catch it (tbh DD has a habit of putting her saliva covered hands into my mouth so I’m not surprised she passed it on, I’m more wondering how she got it)

@SJM1988 this is interesting thank you. Maybe I’m just unlucky and it will all end soon…I hope…

I’d definitely be wondering about hygiene and general illness policies of the nursery. Our nursery takes any outbreak of anything contagious really seriously eg when they get 2/3 kids get something like hand foot and mouth or D and V, they shut the room and deep clean it after hours and send kids home early when they start getting temps etc. coughs and colds are fine. They also have an air quality monitor in each room (from Covid) and make sure to air out the rooms when they get too stuffy. One of my reasons for picking this nursery was how clean it was and how often they made sure noses were wiped and hands wiped down. Not the defining choice obviously but I do think it’s made a huge difference to how poorly she’s been in her time there.

id also consider getting your daughter the chicken pox jab when she’s old enough, and we’ve introduced sambuccol as well as a multivitamin this winter and it’s helped reduce illness too.

My first caught everything going - our list was like yours, but she was born during Covid lockdown so didn’t get anything at all as a baby

we were told it’s totally normal, she had blood tests but nothing came back

My second caught every little thing going and had a runny nose from about 2 weeks in but never anything big

Mine were like that.

Then one got chicken pox and the nursery wouldn't take them so I had two weeks off and then the other one got it.

After that I stopped trying to work until they were in school because I was just not there so much.

@SunSparkle thank you for this, I’m going to re raise the cleaning with nursery as I was concerned i was being a bit precious about it!

And she is booked in for her CPox jab, she is doing the 6in1 vaccine trial so she gets it for free as part of that (thank god as if her track history is anything to go by she’d catch it very soon!)

@Tangletweaser
Sounds about right at least in my experience
My dd is still catching lots though not quite so often.
She was hospitalised last year with vomiting and the hospital investigations showed she was fighting 4 separate viruses adenovirus, rhinovirus and I think entrovirus and I can't remember the fourth. Doctors just tell me it's normal for the creche toddler years 🙈

Blimey OP! That's a lot of nasty bugs in a short time.

I remember when my DS1 started nursery he got 12 things the first winter and I got about half of them, but most were cold virus type things. Four bouts of D&V? Hospitalisation with RSV and then scarlet fever? I would be looking at ways to boost her immune system and having a chat with the GP I think. You and your DH must be on your knees after such a rubbish few months

Wow, that's a lot! I wouldn't have thought that was normal?

I was expecting a barrage of illnesses when my DD started in October but actually the first time she's been sent home with a temperature was last week. She does have minor colds a bit, and has had one sickness but (which we all got to enjoy) but I am 99% sure she got that from a softplay.

Dd is constantly unwell too. She started nursery at 2 and always had a bad cold/cough.

We've had a constant cold for 2.5 years, urine infections, chest infections, tonsillitis, chicken pox, scarlet fever, d&v, but that's within 18 months at this setting.

@Tangletweaser It will end don't worry! I always say Oct half term to Easter hols are the worst for illness - although this year hasn't been as bad for us bar me getting covid several times!. I totally feel your pain after going through it with my first.

I even socialised loads with my first to make sure I was exposing him to things and not keeping him at home in a bubble for when he did start nursery - didn't help obviously!

My only comfort is now my eldest is at school his is definitely a lot less sick than his classmates. He's had 1 day off since reception for sickness (he's now in year 1) whereas some have been off for weeks sick. Obviously joking before anyone jumps on this but it makes me feel better so it good.