To wonder why close friend hasn't told me she's given birth?

[Drumbleton]

I accidentally found out from another friend of hers (acquaintance of mine) that she'd given birth.
Do you think I'm right to wonder what that's about (have I upset her etc), or just put it down to the stress of the period, and that she and her partner have their hands full at the moment?

I'm really not asking in a 'who is right, who is wrong' sort of way, more do you think there could be anything to it? Or am I overthinking and should just send my congratulations?

I wouldn't dream of raising it with her right now as she's just had her baby girl.

She has probably forgotten who she's told and who she hasn't told. I would just send congratulations, assuming all seems to be well with the baby based on what your other friend says.

How long ago did she have the baby? How close are you? When did you last see her?

You are overthinking it. When you have a newborn baby the last thing on your mind is who you've remembered to tell. Just send her a message saying you've heard the news and congratulations.

How did her other friend out? Are they closer?
She may have only told family and closest friends or she may be exhausted and not thinking about spreading the news.

It's not worth making an issue. I'd just send a congratulations message saying you'd heard the good news.

YAB massively unreasonable and this is not something you raise at any time at all, not just now but ever.

She may have assumed that it would be passed on by other people she had told or she may not just have the energy or inclination to spend the first 3 days of her baby's life where she is probably exhausted and very busy sending messages to all and sundry.

Yes I’d just assume she’s possibly a little overwhelmed and send her a congratulatory message.

This

Yes this.. unless you think there must be more to it?

After you have a baby you phone some family, text a few friends and expect that everyone will find out sooner or later don’t you?

Thanks everyone - that's what I thought, just needed some input.

I will congratulate her.

Likely nothing to it at all. My friend's husband sent a round robin message on FB to all the people who were on my friend's list. Personally, I am not sure it would ever cross my mind to announce it to anyone but my parents. I would just tell my friends next time I spoke to them and people with whom I don't speak regularly would likely find out months/years after the fact. It's a baby, not a messiah. Not everyone cares to be informed, I'd imagine.

I once knew a woman on an online private forum who just announced one day she'd had a baby. It felt really off as we had been talking as a group every day for months about personal things so I get why you're upset actually. It felt like a power move or something... But ultimately it's up to people what they share and with whom so just put it to the back of your mind and send cheerful congrats.

Initially, I felt, what a friend! Then the next second I thought, firends is a two way thing and she could be very busy/worn out/overwhekemed /unwell/cocnered about bay just like many new parents are.
Therefore as others have said, contact her with a sincere - straight forward message, EG

Congratulations to both of you on your new addition to the family. We are really pleased for all of you and hope you are all doing well. I was going to ring but felt you must be really busy as most new mums are - or something like that - then see what happens

Being "close friends" is a two way thing, nothing stopping you checking - then take it from there - good luck

We barely told anyone. Sent out cards when we finally had time, about two weeks later.

Did you know she was pregnant and roughly when her due date was? If so I think maybe it’s on you to enquire if you haven’t heard and now you’ve heard on the grapevine just offer congratulations and keep in touch by message until she’s up to a visit or meeting up

Did the other friend maybe message first to ask how she is, not long now etc and your friend replied that she had the baby? It's so overwhelming I think you're right to send a congratulatory text and don't take it personally.

It may be a cultural thing but we always tell immediate family on both sides - we are Asian background - if you don't its seen as offensive - then the family spreads the word

Going back to "friends" it is a 2 way thing and at times friends can unfriend or have new, new close friends for whatever reason

I've not got any friends other than some of my family as I can't take the friends thing and social media so not on Facebook/titktok/twitter/etc/etc as its a road to problems from what I have seen with the family

I forgot to tell my best friend my second baby had arrived. It was before texts,emails etc so possibly a bit more tricky. The birth was horrendous, I was kept in hospital for several days and I wasn't great even when I got to go home. I rang her after a week. It was her daughters birthday so she immediately assumed they would share the same birthday. I could tell from her voice that she was a bit upset. We remained friends and have been friends for 40 years this year. I would send congratulations and wait to hear. If the friendship is meant to endure it will. If not then you will both move on to other things

I've just had a baby in October and one of my "closest friends" barely looked the side I was on when pregnant. She started texting for updates a couple of days before I was due.. probably because she wanted to be in the know and wanted to know first.
She was not on my list of people I announced to. I can't remember if I told her or she seen when I eventually posted a pic to fb. I contacted those who had bothered to contact me, I had a lot going on so it was limited.
Maybe you're not the close friend you think you are?

Surely once family have been told it's a cascade piece of information.

Did you know she was pregnant?

We didn't tell my in laws for 3 days with my second as my husband couldn't pin his mum down on the phone (they live the other side of the world and she is a shift worker). Although we also told noone else bar my close family.

I can't remember how we told our closest friends - alot I think was them messaging to see how we are and us going 'look here is a baby picture'.

I'd just message her and say congrats. You'll probably get a sorry I forget / too busy message back

If you weren’t aware of the pregnancy, I’m assuming you’ve not seen her for a while. As others have said, she may not have kept track of who she has and hasn’t told, so I would just send congratulations and go from there.

How did the other friend find out? A lot of people these days seem to just do an announcement on social media. That's how I found out. A friend and I had been texting all day after she went into labour because progress was so slow. Then when things started to happen she had to go. I heard nothing after that until a post went up on FB the next day. So I found out at the same time as the people she hadn't seen since primary school. That felt a bit weird to me.

How often do you talk? It's quite possible other friend was messaging her at the time and thus got the news there and then

I wouldn't overthink it

I was too wrapped up in the baby and nursing that I didn't announce it, until a week later. My husband told my parents, his parents and some mates. It kind of spread around to certain people, before I had announced it. Just send her a congratulations message, I'm sure she'll really appreciate it.