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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull out of this holiday?

55 replies

blessthishouse · 22/01/2024 17:04

We have some friends who've organised a long haul holiday for a special birthday, taking place early next year. We were invited, it was a fairly small group who we get along well with and we agreed to go (not really the type of holiday we would normally choose but thought it would be fun for a change). We've paid a deposit.

Found out today that there is another couple of people have decided to go that I'm not keen on (they're only really acquaintances of the person who's birthday it is but they've adopted a more the merrier approach)

I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I was invited to one thing and it's developing into something else that I wouldn't choose.

Would you just go ahead and see how it pans out/do your own thing (opportunities for this will be limited as it's a resort type of holiday) Or make an excuse and cancel? I don't feel like I can just say to my friend "we don't fancy coming now because X and Y are coming".

OP posts:
Makeitmakesensetoday · 22/01/2024 17:05

Just go with it, what is it you don't like about these people? Even in a resort you can somewhat 'do your own thing' so I'd just go for it.

duckpancakes · 22/01/2024 17:06

What don't you like about them? Can you avoid them? Maybe you'll be best buds by the end of the trip? Or are they like really sexist racists with terrible boundaries?

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/01/2024 17:07

If you no longer want to go then they can’t make you go, but you can’t expect your deposit back and they’d be justified in being annoyed about it if they can’t find anyone else to cover your spaces. It’s always a possibility if you’re invited to something where somebody else is in charge of the guest list that you’re not going to like everyone on it. If it’s just a case of you not being close to them rather than them being actively awful, I’d go on the trip. You don’t have to be their best buddies.

Harrietsaunt · 22/01/2024 17:08

I would be honest and explain you thought it was just the two couples, and you’re not up for a bigger group holiday.

Original poster
blessthishouse · 22/01/2024 17:11

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/01/2024 17:07

If you no longer want to go then they can’t make you go, but you can’t expect your deposit back and they’d be justified in being annoyed about it if they can’t find anyone else to cover your spaces. It’s always a possibility if you’re invited to something where somebody else is in charge of the guest list that you’re not going to like everyone on it. If it’s just a case of you not being close to them rather than them being actively awful, I’d go on the trip. You don’t have to be their best buddies.

Edited

I wouldn't expect to get the deposit back, we've all paid the holiday company individually so I'd have to suck it up.

I guess I was expecting a lovely relaxing holiday with a small group of close friends who I've been away with before separately and know I enjoy their company. Now there's some extras who I've only met on the odd night out and not got anything in common with, it will be a different dynamic.

I know for a fact that the organiser will want everyone to do a lot things as a group but I guess we can escape some of the time.

OP posts:
blackpanth · 22/01/2024 17:11

I would just go

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 17:12

I’d just go. I’m surprised at your anxiety on two extra people coming.

Allfur · 22/01/2024 17:13

Sometimes being oit of your comfort, one is a good thing, you'll most likely end up having a lovely time

LIZS · 22/01/2024 17:13

Even in a resort it is possible to find other places or activities to do. If you are in a group you won't all be together all the time.

CaineRaine · 22/01/2024 17:13

I’d pull out, I’d not spend time and money with people I’m not keen on. Already sounds like you were going out your comfort zone by agreeing and it’s actually rude of your friends to invite others without checking with you.

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 17:16

CaineRaine · 22/01/2024 17:13

I’d pull out, I’d not spend time and money with people I’m not keen on. Already sounds like you were going out your comfort zone by agreeing and it’s actually rude of your friends to invite others without checking with you.

What? It’s for their birthday. There will be other people in the hotel, they will I assume have their own room. The op was invited, not the guest of honour. You don’t get to decide on this instance.

IncompleteSenten · 22/01/2024 17:17

If you do go - why would you have to do group stuff if you don't want to?

It doesn't matter what the organiser wants. You can say no thanks, I'll meet you for dinner. Have a nice day.

Organiser can want as much as they like. They don't have a gun to your head.

You could say up front that you don't intend to do x,y,z and you'll be relaxing and plan to meet up for meals.

I wouldn't pay for a holiday I wasn't going to enjoy.

Original poster
blessthishouse · 22/01/2024 17:17

CaineRaine · 22/01/2024 17:13

I’d pull out, I’d not spend time and money with people I’m not keen on. Already sounds like you were going out your comfort zone by agreeing and it’s actually rude of your friends to invite others without checking with you.

I don't think it's rude of them, at the end of the day it was them who planned the holiday so they can invite who they like. I just thought it was all arranged and I knew who was going/what I was getting into (until the extras were added on)

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 22/01/2024 17:19

Unless you're sharing a room with them, YABU

Why don't you like them? Are they racists or something?

You sound quite nasty so far.

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 17:19

blessthishouse · 22/01/2024 17:17

I don't think it's rude of them, at the end of the day it was them who planned the holiday so they can invite who they like. I just thought it was all arranged and I knew who was going/what I was getting into (until the extras were added on)

Show quote history

Is it a social anxiety thing? Your friends will still be there.

if you really are that uncomfortable don’t go, but do accept they will prob have a brilliant time and it will be the last time you’re invited away with them,

Ifulikepinacoladas · 22/01/2024 17:19

Holidays are expensive and precious time. If you won't be looking forward to it I would pull out. Spend your money on the holiday you want.
I would feel exactly the same in your position. I love my friends and would go away with them without a second thought...but only them. Not everyone has a 'more the merrier' outlook.

WaltzingWaters · 22/01/2024 17:20

Still go but just do your own thing a bit more if you don’t like the company.

Talipesmum · 22/01/2024 17:21

God this sounds awful. Totally get how some people would be completely fine with it but you’d thought you were holidaying with a small group of close friends and now it’s including people you know slightly and don’t really like (the worst. Would be better if you didn’t know them at all imo).

Can’t really blame the planners as it’s their birthday, up to them, but I hate it when people assume “the more the merrier”. For me, “the more, the more closed and awkward, and less relaxed”. But that doesn’t have a nice ring to it.

If you can afford to spend money and time on a holiday that isn’t ideal for you then I’d probably go for it and hope against hope that it wouldn’t be too bad. But if you will be missing out on other things you’d much prefer for this, then I’d maybe pull out.

MILTOBE · 22/01/2024 17:21

No, I wouldn't go, either. I think you have to be really careful who you go on holiday with - it can be a nightmare with some people.

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 17:22

Ifulikepinacoladas · 22/01/2024 17:19

Holidays are expensive and precious time. If you won't be looking forward to it I would pull out. Spend your money on the holiday you want.
I would feel exactly the same in your position. I love my friends and would go away with them without a second thought...but only them. Not everyone has a 'more the merrier' outlook.

Really? It shows how different we all are. We go away regularly with friends, recently had a couple we didn’t know much join, we had a fab time, and I’d now consider them friends.

I can’t imagine saying I don’t want to come if 2 others are there, I will only spend time with you, that’s reminds of a school kids,

wutheringkites · 22/01/2024 17:22

Well it's up to you op but unless this couple have been actively unpleasant towards you or harmed you in the past, then it seems a bit over the top.

SecondUsername4me · 22/01/2024 17:24

I'd only pull out if (1) kids were suddenly coming too or (2) the new guests were people I actively worked to not be around anyways, eg if I hated them.

Otherwise I'd go along, dip into the stuff the host would be most bothered about but stand firm on other stuff that meant you got time to yourself.

ColdButSunny · 22/01/2024 17:25

I'm surprised that the introduction of one other couple has made you feel this way when you were previously happy to go. Personally I'd go ahead - and be firm if you want to do your own thing some days rather than join the group activity.

Ifulikepinacoladas · 22/01/2024 17:25

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 17:22

Really? It shows how different we all are. We go away regularly with friends, recently had a couple we didn’t know much join, we had a fab time, and I’d now consider them friends.

I can’t imagine saying I don’t want to come if 2 others are there, I will only spend time with you, that’s reminds of a school kids,

Show quote history

Exactly, people are different.....

Nothing to do with being like school kids 🙄 just being of the mind that I only want to spend my holidays with people I know and love.... what you want to do on holiday is up to you...

NoKateMoss · 22/01/2024 17:27

What kind of holiday is it? Are you all sharing a villa and sharing responsibilities for shopping and cooking? Or are you in a hotel? How much independence are you going to be able to get?

Do you just not know them or have they offended you in some way?