To pull out of this holiday?

[blessthishouse]

We have some friends who've organised a long haul holiday for a special birthday, taking place early next year. We were invited, it was a fairly small group who we get along well with and we agreed to go (not really the type of holiday we would normally choose but thought it would be fun for a change). We've paid a deposit.

Found out today that there is another couple of people have decided to go that I'm not keen on (they're only really acquaintances of the person who's birthday it is but they've adopted a more the merrier approach)

I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I was invited to one thing and it's developing into something else that I wouldn't choose.

Would you just go ahead and see how it pans out/do your own thing (opportunities for this will be limited as it's a resort type of holiday) Or make an excuse and cancel? I don't feel like I can just say to my friend "we don't fancy coming now because X and Y are coming".

How does your partner feel..does he or she also feel not keen on these people

you seem to barely know them, but have decided you’re not keen and have nothing in common with them, what’s the back story?

i think you know it’s only you who will suffer for this.,but would be good to understand how your partner feels, and why you aren’t keen on them when you barely know them,

Just go. You sound really cliquey, like you want your own little group. If it isn’t your birthday, it isn’t your choice.

But she’s still doing that, spending time with her friends?she’s not being asked to go with just these people,

It changes the dynamics though doesn't it? Lots of people on here would be ok with that, but the OP clearly isn't. So maybe shouldn't spend her money on a holiday she wouldn't look forward to?

Depending on how much the deposit was (£500 vs £5000 say), I would pull out of a trip where people I didn’t get along with would be attending.

Life’s too short to spend it with people you don’t like. A long haul holiday is not a night out, you will be spending a lot of time with these people.

If it’s a case of just not being close with them and they’re largely inoffensive, I would go, however.

Are you sharing a villa or just being in the same hotel?

Why don't you like this other couple?

Are you going with a partner?

How long is it for?

How much is it costing?

Fair enough, if you don’t think it’s rude then that’s all that matters! For me, if I’d agreed to go on holiday with what I thought was a set group of people, I’d not feel bad about pulling out if the goalposts were moved as I do think it’s rude unless they’d made clear they would potentially be inviting others too.

This has happened to me before but I only found out at the airport that there were loads of other people coming! None of whom I knew. I was really pissed off as I'd been anticipating a chilled out holiday with a few friends not a big group affair, but it was all fine. We ended up doing our own thing a lot during the day and just hung out as a big group in the evenings.

Most of your comments are irrelevant and miss the point I was making 😂 The OP was clearly unaware that their friends would be inviting others so if she was under the impression it was a small group, I do think it’s rude of them to invite others without checking if the original invitees mind. Nothing to do with being the guest of honour, having their own room, other people being in the hotel.

I think you will come across as pretty rude if you pull out - it will be obvious that you don't like this other couple, and may damage your original friendship. Unless the other couple are AWFUL, I'd just go for it. Could be fun!

How much money would you lose?
Id pull out if it changes the dynamic. Holidays are precious and can be sticky sometimes even with people you really like.

I’d still go, you can easily book a couple of extra excursions if you want to avoid the acquaintances.

I’d be wary that other couples will be invited and I didn’t act on the initial feeling when the first extra couple were invited.

I feel your pain op. DH and I are friends with couple A who we really like. However couple A are friendly with another couple (couple B) who I can’t stand.
Couple B are very loud and showy and any event has to revolve around them. They talk about themselves constantly and never ask anyone else a question. It feels like you are just an audience for them.
It’s really difficult trying to find out if couple B have been invited to events before we agree to go.

Why do people do this, it’s so rude? When you agree to something as major as a long haul costly holiday you should definitely know who is in the party before making a decision. One person changing things just makes it so awkward as we all relate to people differently. It’s a risk OP but if you can have other holidays, it might be great and you will make new friendships. If dynamic doesn’t work are there ways to spend time away from them?

We were invited to go with a pre existing group of friends and made it very clear that we wanted to know that the others we didn’t know were asked and it was OK withthem. They were so welcoming. We had a great time and felt really included. Wish people would be honest and upfront from the beginning but always ask who is involved if happens again. Also for supper (see another thread)🤣

I would pull out as well. I'd be too worried about how the holiday was going to pan out and how the dynamic would be totally different. I'm much more comfortable in smaller groups. If it was a night out, then fine, I'd suck it up. But a whole holiday what with the financial cost and annual leave? No, I'd pull out and explain you thought it was a smaller gathering, which is within your comfort zone. Don't be after if to assert boundaries. It doesn't matter what others think, only you know what you're comfortable with.

How much will you lose - for jet2 and easyjet holidays it's only £60 pp if it's more than 90 days in advance.
If you weren't too keen on the holiday type already- say it's a beachside all inclusive and you prefer city breaks - I'd probably cancel due to the addition of people you aren't friendly with.

I'm an introvert and can seem quite sociable to people I like in the right environment, but I'd be put off in this situation too

It's tricky. I've been away several times with a small group of friends, with and without husbands.

One in the group is more sociable than the rest and has suggested inviting another couple that she is friends with (and who want to come). In this case she mentioned it to us and we all said ugh no. So that is that.

OP in your situation I'd accept it and go along. It's for a special birthday so would be more tricky to extracate yourselves from than a normal holiday.

But next time clarify exactly who will be invited before committing! And make it clear why.

I’m sociable and a “the more the merrier” type, but this would put me off and I’d withdraw from the hol.

It would be totally ok for a night out… but not a holiday. I wouldn’t want to waste significant money (and annual leave) like this.

I completely understand where you are coming from OP. Unless I really disliked the couple, I think I would go and try to be positive and open minded. But I'd be annoyed to have been put in that situation.

As an introvert I find the replies to this thread quite upsetting, as if somehow introverts are just fucking miserable, close minded and unpleasant, rather than people who genuinely find social interactions more demanding than those who are naturally more extroverted.

This happened to me. I went on the holiday and it was just shit. Never again. They completely changed the dynamic and bulldozed the entire thing.

Yes, I could go off and do my own thing but the one time I went exploring for a few hours I came back to "oh here she is", "what've we done to make you run off", "can't handle the pace?" Etc etc. Ugh, speak to the holiday company and see if you can change resorts. Just get the bus in to meet them for a day/evening

But next time clarify exactly who will be invited before committing!

We did! The extra people have only just been added on.

Interesting responses, looks like an even mix of people who'd feel uncomfortable and those who'd just roll with it.

I'm not a nasty person at all (as suggested by a couple of posters). I do know who the other people are, and they're just not people I'd choose to spend time with. I'm sure they're not awful people, just a different outlook on life. I'll be looking a bit more closely on what there is to do in the area and have a think about it.

Yes, I could go off and do my own thing but the one time I went exploring for a few hours I came back to "oh here she is", "what've we done to make you run off", "can't handle the pace?"

I could totally imagine this being the case with us! Hence my reservations.

Oh I'd hate this too OP! I'm only comfortable going on holiday with certain people, this definitely changes the dynamic.

My other worry would be that they start adding other people on too! I'd give it a bit of time to think about it, but get your excuses ready if you decide to opt out.