My father-in-law is in his mid 70s and is extremely ignorant, and at times rude. There are many examples of behaviour outside of this situation that I have ‘let slide’, but I am at the end of my tether with regards to his comments about my neurodivergent son.
When I first met my husband, he repeatedly asked him what was ‘wrong’ with my son. My husband told him that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with him, he has ASD & ADHD, and whilst he struggles with social skills, he is brilliant at reading, maths, writing, is very kind etc. Despite this, he continues to use the terminology ‘wrong’ in private conversations with my husband.
Next, he was in our kitchen with my mother-in-law, and I overheard him referring to my son as strange. He didn’t think I heard the conversation, but I did.
Then, this past weekend, my son was watching TV in the living room, and I was sat with my father-in-law at the table in the same room. My father-in-law asked loudly if he’s educated with everyone else in his mainstream school or if he has to attend special needs classes. I told him that my son has no academic issues, in fact he is extremely clever despite his quirky social skills, so special needs classes wouldn’t be suitable for him. He then remarked that he was surprised! This was all in front of my son, who luckily was so absorbed in the TV that he didn’t notice the remarks.
My husband and I also have an 8 month old baby. On a few occasions now he has pretended to innocently ask if our baby is meeting his milestones. He does not ask these questions about other babies in the family. He’s obviously asking this because of my son. I’ve also noticed him ‘testing’ our baby for example checking his eye contact.
AIBU to tell my husband that his father isn’t welcome in our home unless he stops these remarks and behaviour?