Dss wanting gf to come on holiday

[mikemeg]

Dss is 15 and completely glued (in a matter of speaking) to his girlfriend also 15.

We are trying to book a summer holiday he wants to come but wants her to come too. Its a clear no for me. Dh is 50/50.

It seems unfair on our other ds who is 11, he would probably love a friend to come too but doesnt have that luxury.

Its becoming a whole thing, dss upset that we will be going without him, but he wont come without her.

I said we cant afford her, he said her parents will pay!

AIBU? I think its utterly ridiculous to even consider it

Urgh teens. Until dss pays for a holiday imo he doesn't get to invite people.. Similarly my dd's 17 and 18 requested bfs came on our annual caravan week end. It was a firm no. They can function for 3 nights without a bf.. They were fine.

At 15 they probably won’t even still be together in the summer.

I would say no.

YANBU at all. DH flip flopping won’t help. If DSS won’t come without her he misses out. Oh well. Is he going on holiday with his mum? Is the gf going away with her parents?

Definitely doesn't get to dictate in that kind of way, threatening to not come without her. Dint give in to that!

Would dh be the 24/7 monitor that gf doesn't bring home a holiday 'souvenir'?

Nah it would be a no from me, it would completely change the dynamic of a family holiday. And also complicate the set up as I am assuming two 15 year olds wouldn't be sharing a room, so she'd need her own room...

Who is he suggesting will pay?

Where is he suggesting she will sleep? Would he be expecting her to share a room with him and his brother?

Going against the grain but why not of her parents pay? I don't see what's the big deal?

He’s 15. It’s not even a discussion point

I wouldn't let a teen bring a g/f b/f no matter cost or who was paying.

It's a family holiday and they're only 15. She definitely shouldn't come. His sibling will also left out if gf comes. It's a FAMILY holiday so a hard no. Who will your ds stay with if he refuses to come.

Would be a no from me. He might not even be with her then.

So forgive me for being naive but when the g/f is invited by DSs does this mean the g/f or her family are paying for flights and a separate room or is the deal here you pay for one more?

It would be a firm no from me. At 15 he does not dictate who comes on a family holiday. If he won't go without her, then he misses out!

You don’t see the ‘big deal’ with two co-dependent teens needing constant supervision in a hotel, let alone how it would change the dynamic of a family holiday..?

Nope. I agree they may not be together. I agree it changes a 'family' holiday into something else. And it leaves DS2 out.

Imo DSS can be told, 'This is a family holiday for the 4 of us. If you want to come, you are welcome, if not we'll just take DS2 and you can remain with your DM/DGP (whoever it is he will be with)."

End of discussion.

@Hatty65 has nailed it.

I think a holiday abroad is too big a thing to plan for with two 15 year olds who many not be speaking to each other in a month's time. I mean, I'm not sure I'd agree to it for two 20 something year olds who have only been together a few months either. Love is a fickle thing.

What I would do though is say you are happy to facilitate them spending time together over the summer and she is welcome to join to for whatever other thing you might have planned, but I would what it to be a low key thing - a weekend away camping or whatever. It puts a lot of pressure and emotion on the family holiday if that expectation gets placed there. What if they break up two weeks before? No, you won't lose out, but it will just put a damper on the whole thing.

We allowed DD to bring her boyfriend on holiday last year, both 16. His parents paid for flights but we ended up paying for meals, ice cream, day trips etc. It cost us an extra 5-600 pounds to provide all this for him and one day he didn’t want to do the activity planned so DD refused too. It really changed the holiday. As lovely as he was I would not invite him again.

They’ll definitely be sharing a room when everyone else is away…

As PPs have said, they might not be together by the time of the holiday.

Plus you would have the burden of responsibility for someone else's child. DSS doesn't get to dictate that you take that on.

You can’t have 15 year old girl/boyfriends on holiday but I find taking the kids friends makes for a happier holiday all round with less arguments. So it changes the dynamics, yes, but for the better.

I think the biggest issue is it changes the dynamic of the family holiday (would rooms be an issue as many hotels wouldn’t have two minors alone in a separate room surely assuming you’re not all in together so that’s a significant extra cost?)

It would leave out your other son - we went on holiday with partners when we were younger but all siblings took a friend/ bf /gf and we were all 16+. You’d be responsible for another persons child abroad without the ability to simply return them home without significant cost/ hassle. What if they argue out there/ break up before or during? What if she’s homesick or finds it overwhelming being “glued” to him for an entire week? It’s just a lot of unnecessary faff for what’s supposed to be a relaxing family break.

No don't be ridiculous if he wants to go on holiday with her he can next year when he's 16

Many dc here.. I never entertain the suggestions of any of them having overnights under 16...