Dss wanting gf to come on holiday

[mikemeg]

Dss is 15 and completely glued (in a matter of speaking) to his girlfriend also 15.

We are trying to book a summer holiday he wants to come but wants her to come too. Its a clear no for me. Dh is 50/50.

It seems unfair on our other ds who is 11, he would probably love a friend to come too but doesnt have that luxury.

Its becoming a whole thing, dss upset that we will be going without him, but he wont come without her.

I said we cant afford her, he said her parents will pay!

AIBU? I think its utterly ridiculous to even consider it

Nope

I would put my foot down and say no. They might not even be together by then. My ds’s girlfriend didn’t come with us until they were 18, well he was 18, she was still 17. We had a villa and she paid for her own flight. You need to get Dh on board here.

A friend of mine did this- by the time the holiday came around their DS did not want to be with the girl any more. Her parents had paid out for flights. It was so awkward all round. I would tell DH this and get him to say no so it doesn't come from you.

We were allowed to bring friends (occasionally) but NEVER boyfriends / girlfriends. What if they break up? Have an argument during the holiday? Not unlikely for 15 yos...

Also (if its not already mentioned) even if her parents were prepared to pay for her and the hefty single room supplement, would they really want her to be alone in a room. It’s a big ask for you to be responsible for her safety

Why do parents these days not seem to be able to give a flat NO to ridiculous requests?
I can imagine the the response from my parents if I had dared to ask if we could bring my boyfriend on holiday!! ( not that I would have dared to ask, even if I had a bf, which I didnt)

I would consider bringing a friend (not girlfriend) if no sibling and there was a spare bed so not much additional cost.

Definitely not for a girlfriend as they may split and unfair on sibling.

At 15 no. Too young and you’re right about your younger son it would be unfair on him.

It is your family holiday therefore you get to say who is going on the holiday.

Nope. They're too young.

Under 16 no way.

I would remind him that teen relationships are often fleeting and making big plans that far ahead is unwise.

I wouldn't. Too young, and as others have said, possibly fleeting.

Also, we took a dd's female school friend once, and it really did cost us a fortune. Don't forget that even if they pay their flight, you're paying for all meals, cafes, ice creams and treats. That's on top of extra car space and accommodation.

No not at 15, they are children. Where would they sleep? Are you going abroad what is the age of consent at your destination? I don't think he should even have the option not to go.
I don't think partners should be invited on family holidays until they are much older and its a serious relationship.

If your DH is 50/50 about it (can't say no as he doesn't want to be the bad guy?) I would absolutely spell it out to him that he'd be the one responsible at all times..day and night... point out that you want nothing to do with caring for the gf/checking up on them both/mediating between the brothers when DS2 (rightly) feels left out/is bored...
Tell him if there's any trouble at all you will not be dealing with it..
See what he says then..

I wouldn't allow it. When I go on holiday I don't want to be responsible for someone else's 15 year old, I go to relax and have fun. What if they fall out between now and then. What if they fall out on the holiday, it will be horrendous and spoil your holiday.

There's a very simple word to use here. It's NO. Not happening. So many posts sound as though the op and the other parent are nearly terrified at saying no to their kids and upsetting them. It's fucking madness.

You and your husband are in charge, op, just say no and the kid will deal with it. A 15 year old boy doesn't need his 15 year old girlfriend to go on holiday with him.

At 15 he's old enough to stay home if he doesn't want to go.

Imagine if they fell out on holiday 😬

Nope.

It's a family holiday.

Either you come, which we'd like, or you can choose not to come which we'll be sad about, and you'll have to stay with granny. But you don't get to dictate who comes on our holiday.

Just say no.

Why is this even a discussion point? Just say no guests.

I'd say no too.

They're 15, not an engaged couple in their 20's. Probably won't even be together by then and I think that it will create an awkward dynamic with your other ds, he will feel like a third wheel.

This is the approach I’d take.

Not at 15, no. When DS was 17 I allowed his 17 year old gf to come on holiday with us and offered DD she could bring a friend but she chose not to ( we were a family group of six in total)

Either let him stay at home or allow his brother to invite a friend too, making it clear that girlfriend sleeps separately. I think when girlfriend's parents are asked to buy a flight etc., there may be a rethink (i.e. they say no.)