I don’t like my daughter’s homemade tattoos

[strugglingsingle]

My DD (19) has a substantial amount of small tattoos that she has been collecting over the past SEVEN YEARS. Before you slate me for being a bad mother, I have NEVER taken her to a tattoo shop, nor have I taken her to any backalley hooligan tattoo artists who work on underage children. Instead, DD has been doing these tattoos herself using sewing needles and pen ink without my knowledge (for first few years) or permission.

I am not against tattoos in general on 18/19 year olds, but since DD did these herself, they are awful. Not to insult her, but she has zero artistic skill which has left her with illustrations similar to what a toddler might scribble on the wall. I am of course exaggerating but these are not professional level tattoos by any means and I fear that she will regret having them permanently on her body VERY SOON.

I expressed this fear to her this afternoon and the conversation ended in a screaming match. I was only trying to persuade her into ending this little hobby but she told me she had no plans in doing that as she is just trying to express herself creatively and has no funds to spend on professional. AIBU?

(PS. When DH and I first discovered these tattoos, we took her to GP and asked about potential ink poisoning. GP said she was fine but never to tattoo herself again, which obviously she didn’t listen to.)

Do you think it's another way of self harm?

Small professional tattoo shouldn't cost much.

I didn't know kids still did dumb shit like that. I gave myself a nice heart on my boob with a needle, razor and red Biro ink when I was 14. It lasted all of four months. She must have gone pretty deep with the sewing needle to get them to last 7 years.

If she's self halmed before then it's likely this is self halming as well, shes been doing it for a long time, and sges still really young. She may not see it as self harm

If she doesn’t see it as self harm, it’s not self harm. Self harm is done with intention.

If she started at 12, was it a form of self harm. A colleague of mine tattooed himself. (But with proper kit, and they are really good) but I couldn't help wondering if it was a form of DSH.

YANBU to be unhappy but it's done now, not a lot to be done about it. Obviously there's the option of removal in the future if she starts to regret it but it will cost a fortune and since they weren't done professionally it might not work.

This seems quite common nowadays and I think the stigma will be way jess so I do think you are worrying needlessly about this. If they are small they can easily be covered up in the future.
my sons gf has loads of small ones all over her legs and she has given my DS18 a cross in his hand too.
in certain circles every single person I meet in. That age group is covered in tattoos so I really do think it’s just going to be the norm in their lives.

You need to loosen the reins a bit or you'll have more problems than a tacky tattoo

I am wondering if this is a version of her cutting herself. I would ask her what she is feeling before, during and after when she is doing this. Is she desiginging these in advance and considering them or is she just picking up a needle and starting? Try and track when she is mostly doing these - at night, during the day, on weekend? I am wondering if her 'expression' is actually a signal something is going on mentally for her.

So your 12 year old never spends any time alone, even sleeping?

If she doesn’t see it as self harm, it’s not self harm. Self harm is done with intention.

Not necessarily.

Hmm, my bil did this when he was a young teen. Still very visible at 60.

I agree with PP. Probably a form of self harm, especially given how long she has been doing it for.

Your 12 year old is not given any freedom or time alone?! that's pretty bad for resilience and self management skills.

You need to take the sting out of it and say to her that she’s an adult, it’s her body and she has control over that. Don’t react to it, even though hard. Effectively the same as you should react if it was deliberate self harm. Then at some point you will hopefully be able to have a calm talk to her about why she does it.

This is my concern too.
Also, I'd be concerned about the infection possibilities

@JarvisRocker
I pity your dd, you sound suffocating.
At 12 your dd needs privacy and time to herself or with her friends, not you watching her every move.

🥱

Definitely self harm.

I was a cutter and when I get tattoos I still love the pain as horrid as that sounds. Many people get addicted to the feeling of getting tattooed.

Doing it secretly for years starting at 12 is alarming.

Self harm? Really? OR maybe the OP does actually know her daughter quite well and if she says it isn’t self harm, then it isn’t.
Sounds to me like she is just rebelling. We all did it in one way or another and there are far worse ways to rebel than this (yes, I understand that lack of hygiene could cause medical issues etc)

OP has your daughter expressed an interest in becoming a tattoo artist herself? Might be a good job choice for her and she could also get hers covered up (if she wants to, of course)

Wow. 12 year olds do not need or want 24/7 supervision like a toddler. Sounds totally stifling.

No, what @JarvisRocker describes is normal for a 12yo.

No it really isn't normal for a 12 year old to be supervised constantly and everyone on this thread is agreeing other than you. Mine didn't tattoo himself at that age but 2 days a week he was coming home after school and spending a couple of hours alone while I was at work. By that age they need to be gaining a bit of independence.

Exactly. Or a diversion/substitution activity?

My dc self-harmed. When they were trying resist the urge to self-harm they drew all over their arms and legs with makeup.

I have OCD and my daughter has OCD - I have to be very careful that I don't assume my daughter's OCD is like mine.
I think because you have self-harmed and your daughter used to self-harm you have closed yourself off to the idea that she might be self-harming now. In some circles there is overlap with self-harm and OCD - because of the compulsion. Her history of self-harming, the fact she has been secretive and going against medical advice despite the risks - suggests to me she is feeling compelled to do it rather than she is just doing it for fun / to rebel. People do things for a reason - she is getting something out of the behaviour and its very imporant to find out what she is getting out of it and consider she is finding a new way to acheive the feelings she used to get from self-harm.