To get married when i have no friends

[Weddingwondering]

DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2 DC under 3. We've spoken about getting married for the past couple of years and decided we would like to do it.

I'm not fussed about having a big do, I'd just like us to be married and also to have the same surname as our children. DP has pointed out that our wedding would probably be a bit depressing as we don't have anyone to invite. DP has his parents who live very far away. I have my mum and I have two mum friends who I meet up with for play dates but we don't really know much about each other. We don't have anybody else.

DP is autistic and has social anxiety and so really struggles with socializing and therefore has no friends. We are quite isolated.

I am trying hard to make friends and I'm getting there but struggle with my confidence.

At the moment life is quite hard with two small children, no friends, not much money, etc.

Would it be really sad to just go to the registry office just us, our DC and two random witnesses?

Would it be better to wait a few years when we hopefully have friends we can invite? I'm not sure what to do. DP isn't bothered by it but I'm worried I'll regret not waiting until it can be more of a special day.

I think just go for something intimate.have your mum and 2 friends. Make it a nice day ,dc will enjoy .many big weddings are a bit impersonal, a few mins here and there to chat to people. It's what you make it after all

A tiny wedding could be lovely. Make DC bridesmaids/pageboys. Invite parents. Go to Gretna Green or abroad as PP suggested. Or stay local, tell your mum friends you are having a tiny wedding and ask if they'd be witnesses, then book a lovely lunch somewhere afterwards.

When I was at a hotel on a sunny island there was a couple there who were getting married with no guests. She had a wedding dress on and he was in a suit and they had a beach ceremony while the hotel took photos, then had a bottle of champagne and went off together down the beach. They looked incredibly happy and I felt like a right sucker having spent a fortune on a traditional wedding in a UK stately home buying food for guests I haven’t stayed in touch with.

Have a beach wedding then go for a swim 😃

I knew someone who got married with her parents, his mum and two friends as witnesses. Then they went to the pub for a drink. You don’t have to spend a fortune and you don’t have to have a lot of fuss.

Get married in the registry with your mum and your DP’s parents.

Dh and I got married in Gibraltar just the two of us and 2 random witnesses. It was super easy to book, just a few emails to the registry office, we only had to give one days notice of intent to marry which meant we could arrive the day before we got married and it was pretty cheap. I have complicated family relationships so this worked well for us, 12 years on we have never regretted just having us there.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need a wedding based on what you see in films and on TV. I knew I didn't want that kind of big wedding day so went abroad with DH and just our parents (we nearly did it with just the 2 of us but both sets of parents kept dropping hints about flights so we relented to them coming and it was quite nice in the end). The day was perfect. Relaxing, quiet, memorable and just right for us both. We organised it all so we could get the day as we wanted, nice and laidback. It was our wedding, after all. You only get one go of it!

What I didn't like was our evening celebration party when we got back to the UK. We thought we should have one but we didn't really want one. I was trying to please all the relatives who moaned about not being at the actual wedding. The wedding industry wasn't as big as it is now and not many places you could have wedding functions. We hired a room that was far too big because we thought that's just what you did, and then had to think of who to invite to fill it! So silly. Haven't seen some of them since and that was over 20 years ago!

I was stressed as hell with various things: cockup with room bookings of some of our guests at the hotel the function was at which involved me having to go down to Reception in the middle of putting my makeup on with wet hair etc. Ended up with no time to have anything to eat at all beforehand and then later after the party was in full flow and I'd just sat down to eat the buffet food my mum came over all interfering and told me to go and welcome some late-arriving guests. Insisted I went at that moment even though I had a plate of hot food in front of me. By the time I got back to the table i'd been sitting at, the plates had been cleared away with my food by then cold and uneaten and the buffet had all been cleared away too. I could have cried, I was so hungry, I hadn't eaten since lunch time. Drinking on an empty stomach resulted in me getting horribly drunk ( I was vomiting the next morning.) The DJ was rubbish, I just went with who the hotel suggested and he was terrible. I hated the whole thing and have bad memories of it years later. It was just completely taken over by other people's wishes, and my feeling that we should be doing things according to others' expectations , or a certain standard way of doing wedding functions, when it wasn't what I wanted at all.

OP, I INSIST that you have YOUR wedding day how YOU and DH want it! 😆 It's so important. You've got one shot at it. If for you both it means a very small intimate wedding day, then that's what you should organise. Do it your own way.

People always go on like a small registry office wedding is bleak, but I found mine really beautiful and lovely, had my son and one friend with me, and I wouldn't have wished for anything else. I literally didn't believe in marriage and saw no reason to financially as am the main earner etc. but actually officially promising to stay with DH forever was weirdly lovely.

The marriage is the most important thing to you so it really doesn't matter how many people come to the wedding. I really wouldn't be waiting around to see if I had more friends in three years time.
You can still make it special by incorporating wedding and family holiday and honeymoon abroad somewhere really special. And if that's too expensive you could find somewhere lovely in the UK too.
It does not have to be depressing just because it's just you and your child and possibly parents.

Yes, make it a special day by making it memorable. Do something out of the ordinary that you'll enjoy, be it doing it abroad, going on a special holiday in this country, going to a registry office then a really special meal with just a couple of guests, fancy hotel room afterwards. How many guests you have there shouldn't even be a factor in all your plans, it's irrelevant really.

https://www.weddingsatgretnagreen.com/faqs.html#:~:text=list%20of%20questions%20%5E-,Do%20we%20need%20witnesses%3F,of%20%C2%A340%20if%20required.

I avoid weddings at all costs so glad I have boys so I don’t have to get over involved if at all other than money.

Get married asap what about Gretna Green think they do packages and provide witnesses too.

Funerals are going the same way direct, box, burn and return.

Remember, also that the reason for having lots of wedding guests has completely changed oover the years. Historically it was about 2 families forging bonds by a member of each marrying. They were mostly religious ceremonies so the local congegration was often involved too. By the time we got to the world wars weddings for most people were fairly small affair as most people couldn't afford to pay for lot of guests or big fancy wedding dresses. It's only thanks to reality TV that we have the trend for big Bridezilla Hello magazine copycat weddings for normal people. Who really can't afford them. Just daft.

We got married abroad and didn't have any friends there. Just some immediate family. It was the best day ever.

Would it be really sad to just go to the registry office just us, our DC and two random witnesses?

Not at all. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Lots of people do this for many reasons. I sometimes wish I had.

Would it be better to wait a few years when we hopefully have friends we can invite? I'm not sure what to do. DP isn't bothered by it but I'm worried I'll regret not waiting until it can be more of a special day.

The situation might not have altered much (though I hope it has as you sound like you want to change the status quo) but if it has you could have a party then as a pp suggested. A shame to put off your marriage if that's what you want to do.

Have a small registry office wedding with just your parents and kids present and all go out for a lovely meal afterwards.

If you don’t have anyone for childcare you could have a mini honeymoon by going away for a few days, take kids with you and rent a cottage for a long weekend.
Do whatever works best for you. It doesn’t have to be conventional.

A special day is not synonymous with lots of guests. Inviting lots of people for the sake of having a big wedding would be meaningless if they weren't people you genuinely cared about. You have yourself, your DP, your children, your mum, and his parents. Find a location that works for you all to get together and have a special day with the people who really matter in your life. It sounds like you're marrying the right person for you, and really that is the only thing that matters.

Please Google celebrities who got married at the courthouse you will be in the company of some wonderful bride and grooms @Weddingwondering Matt Damon, Chrissy Teigen, Kristen Bell, Jessica Alba, Keira Knightley, Pierce Brosnan... I could go on but I think you get the drift 🌺 I wish you and your partner many blessing, few worries and forever happiness together 💖

I would go to the registry office then have a photographer take some nice outdoor pics with you and your children to remember the day (and remember how little they were). I’d then go a big family holiday the next day. Or don’t wear anything bridal and just sign the papers at the registry office then take a bridal dress abroad when you go on holiday and have an intimate ceremony on the beach with just your little family and have a photographer capture that

You could spend thousands on a wedding meal for a bunch of people you are not really bothered about.

Or you could get married abroad and have an amazing holiday at the same time.

Small intimate wedding with just people you really care about sounds absolutely perfect to me. You can party with your friends another time.

I will never understand have the kids then get married but hey that's just me, we got married 2019 and now 4 kids...anyway I'm autistic and we have tons of family and friends but I would never have coped. So we booked a registry went with my hubby's sister and a friend 3 weeks after booking. Went on a secret honey moon straight after...About 6 weeks later we arranged a buffet, invited the family and friends to that, had a bit of music.and that's how the majority found out they weren't there for our engagement but we had already got married lol. But it worked for us. Luckily they all fully understood about cost but mostly my autism and hubby is very shy in public.

I got married in the registry, just me, my husband, and a sibling and a friend as witnesses. I had both enough money and enough friends to have a larger wedding, but I never really saw the point in doing so. Never regretted it. I would do the same if I was to do it again. Go on and get married in the registry if you want!

If I were you I'd have a wonderful family day out somewhere you love or would love to go. Did you know that in Scotland you can get married anywhere, not just linsenced places? If it were me I'd go to the highlands and get married somewhere beautiful outdoors with my family, then have a great meal and a fun activity together. Treat it as an elopement, with kids too!

Don't wait for friends if you want to be married now. A small wedding with prescious family beats a large wedding with people who are just there to fulfil a preconceived idea of what weddings should look like.

Some break the mold wedding inspiration... https://www.rocknrollbride.com/

We pissed off to the registry office to get married. Didn't even tell anyone.
Had 2 witnesses sorted and that was it.
Best thing I ever did congrats x x

Would it be really sad to just go to the registry office just us, our DC and two random witnesses?

Not at all. I know 3 couples who did this and one of them went evern smaller scale by doing it in their lunch hour with two witnesses who were staff at the registry office and total strangers. They then came back to work.