To get married when i have no friends

[Weddingwondering]

DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2 DC under 3. We've spoken about getting married for the past couple of years and decided we would like to do it.

I'm not fussed about having a big do, I'd just like us to be married and also to have the same surname as our children. DP has pointed out that our wedding would probably be a bit depressing as we don't have anyone to invite. DP has his parents who live very far away. I have my mum and I have two mum friends who I meet up with for play dates but we don't really know much about each other. We don't have anybody else.

DP is autistic and has social anxiety and so really struggles with socializing and therefore has no friends. We are quite isolated.

I am trying hard to make friends and I'm getting there but struggle with my confidence.

At the moment life is quite hard with two small children, no friends, not much money, etc.

Would it be really sad to just go to the registry office just us, our DC and two random witnesses?

Would it be better to wait a few years when we hopefully have friends we can invite? I'm not sure what to do. DP isn't bothered by it but I'm worried I'll regret not waiting until it can be more of a special day.

I'd probably go even smaller and have the dc stay overnight with your mum.

Registry office with volunteer witnesses, then a slap up meal and a night at a spa hotel.

Collect the kids at lunchtime the next day

Just have a very small simple do at a registry office/church. Just your parents there, if need be.

Just a handful of people, then perhaps a meal in a pub afterwards.

Easy. Breezy.

As @mamatoTails says it's really about the 2 of you and as you have children about your family unit. Getting married is about formalising the commitment you feel to each other so have the kind of wedding which reflects who you are and don't give a second thought to what anyone else thinks@mamatoTails

Sorry I didn't mean to tag mamatotails twice 😰

We didn’t have any friends at our wedding. We only had family. It was more intimate, less expensive and a great day.

if we were to do it again we would have done it much smaller but dh is one of 4 so his side of the family is quite big.

have he day you want.

We have lots of friends, and enormous families, and we still got married with two witnesses in a register office because that’s what we wanted — having a big wedding isn’t compulsory regardless of how many potential guests you have! Getting married wasn’t ‘special’ to us. Our relationship was, but not its legal status.

God no, go to the registry office and invite your mum and his parents / siblings then go for a lovely dinner afterwards, that sounds so much better than spending on a bigger wedding and inviting people that you hardly know.
Friends in my opinion are a bit overrated, you don’t need that many, don’t force yourself to make friends with people if you are not comfortable with it

I know two people who have literally hundreds of friends who both had registry office weddings with just their parents because they couldn’t have afforded to host everyone, so it works both ways. The marriage is what’s important, the wedding is just a party.

I had a registry office civil partnership. We only invited close family, 7 of us in total there. We could have easily invited loads of people but I've never wanted a big fluffy wedding and I would have hated being the centre of attention. It was nice, and we had a fancy meal cooked by a chef at home after (COVID times so this was the best we could manage). Whole day cost less than £1k, including outfits etc. We then had a few days away (costing more than £1k, which is the right way around in my opinion!). I don't regret it. I think weddings are weird, boring and too identikit generally. It sounds like a big party wouldn't really suit you or your DP anyway so do something that you would actually enjoy.

I got married in Lapland with no one else there the hotel provided witnesses. Divorced now but it was a fab day

My friend eloped to a Scottish island somewhere. She looks so at ease and happy in the pictures, to me it looked like the perfect set up.

My husband and I got married in the Caribbean. Hotel staff were witnesses. Honestly it was the loveliest day! We had no one to please but ourselves and it was romantic and completely un stressful!

I wouldn’t hold out for friends.. as you say your DP has social anxiety then surely he won’t enjoy a larger wedding? What I would wait for is for your children to be a little older (perhaps when the youngest is 3?) and able to celebrate with you and understand/get excited!

some friends of mine went somewhere in the Scottish highlands that specialises in small weddings. Or you may want to go somewhere hot. Invite your parents and see if they will give you some child free time

DH and I married with 4 parents, 3 aunts, 1 uncle, Bman +1, bridesmaid +1, 2 friends, 1 cousin - and that was it. Sit down meal, cake and wedding dress /brides mum's dressmade made by bride. It was perfectly OK.

There were 10 people at dh and my wedding.

We still feel that was 8 too many...

I resent the implication just you, your children and two witnesses is 'sad'

It's what we did and it remains one of the happiest days of my life.

We all went for a pizza hut buffet afterwards.

If you are not working or have reduced income due to caring for your children, leaving your DP as the main earner, you need to get married as a matter of urgency to protect yourself.

Is there anywhere that is meaningful for you both? A holiday destination, either UK or abroad? I'd just get away with the kids, his parents and your mum, have a lovely weekend or week away together, wear a beautiful dress, eat some amazing food, get a photographer to capture the day with some gorgeous candid shots, and just relax. Maybe if you hired a villa or cottage, your mum could watch the kids and the two of you could book somewhere separate to stay nearby for your wedding night.

We got married with no one, we wanted photos and we found a photography couple that could take pics and be our witnnews, it was lovely and I wouldn’t change it.

I peraonally wouldnt do a registry if its just me and DH and children and maybe my mum. Only because its still an occasion. If I could afford it I'd do a wedding abroad so at least even if its just you do and kids its a lovely moment and nice memories as your abroad. Invite any family if they can afford to come.

I got married during lockdown in 2020 with just me, my husband and his parents, as mine live in another country. It was so special! My cousin has 3 kids and just got married last year, they took the kids to a 5 star hotel, had a registrar and got all dressed up, big white dress etc then had an amazing family holiday. A wedding is only about the people getting married, you can do anything you like. And congratulations!

I don’t have many friends and we got married last year. We had a lovely quiet day and celebrated in the way that was perfect for us.

We got married on our own at a beautiful hotel in the Lakes, got married in the garden on the shore of Windermere. Just the 2 of us, no guests. It was fab!
No regrets here. I bloody hate normal weddings so it was never going to be our thing. But we wanted somewhere beautiful that we could revisit. We stayed for 5 days.

I think it's very romantic just the two of you, I had a small wedding with ten guests including me and my husband and family only.

most registry offices have very small maximum numbers - the one in my city is 1 room with 2 witness, 1 with up to 6, and 1 with up to 20.
All are booked up months in advance.
Therefore I can't see how it would be 'really sad' to have a RO wedding with minimal guests, or at the very least if it is then there are hundreds of other 'very sad' couples getting married every day in the UK.

It's good that you are actively trying to expand your social circle (both for yourself and to demonstrate to your DC that it's healthy to have a number of positive social contacts), but honestly it's unlikely that you'll go from 0 close friends to enough to have a traditional wedding party within the next year or two, so I see no point at all in waiting for something that might not happen just because of some random idea that's what a wedding "should" be.

Just get married in a registry office and have a lovely family holiday afterwards to celebrate.