to think my aunt, in a care home, should be allowed more than one shower a week?

[LuluBlakey1]

My aunt is 92 and has been in a care home for 4 weeks for respite care. The fees are £1300 a week. It emerged this morning that residents are only bathed or showered once a week. She washes herself with a flannel and soap every day- no help is available for this.

I asked the question of the 'senior' on duty and was told it is all they can manage and there is a rota. Some residents have alzheimers/dementia and can be difficult and some have medical conditions so must have more baths/showers. In the month she has been there she has never had a bath- not enough time for that and has only had 4 showers.

I was horrified. I thought they must be short staffed but apparently not.

AIBU to think if you are paying £1300 a week for a care home, you should have the choice of a bath or shower every day?

If people have dementia they can be highly resistant to having a shower at all. My mum was like this.

I've a young relative in a nursing home due to a serious neurological issue and unfortunately have had to complain on numerous occasions about his treatment. He's seriously underweight and I was shocked to see the meal he was given on an occasion when he was too unwell to go to the dining room. He has brain damage and what it did uncover was that they asked him what he wanted to eat and if he said he wanted one fish finger that was what he got. This is despite the fact that he'd have forgotten 2 minutes after ordering.
Numerous other issues which I won't go into but put complaints in writing and it's surprising how quickly they act upon it. The photograph of the single fish finger on a large dinner plate was hard to argue with.

I think this is dreadful!

We paid similar for mum's respite and they asked residents every day if they needed help with showering or washing.

That's one of the major reasons for the fees. That option should be available, surely.

Are they understaffed generally, is it a commercial thing or they can't get staff? If the latter, that's one thing but if they are taking that fee and choosing to be understaffed, that's dreadful.

I don't think there were any rooms with baths though. Mum was in that home twice.

What's it like otherwise?

Indeed. I spoke about care homes but I know hospitals are in the same position. Foreign staff with limited background checks and training. In the hospital where a friend works, one of the agency carers was getting booked in for the night shift and the nurse co-ordinator noticed the person gave a different name to what was on the ID - turned out they were not the carer but rather their friend was and had given them their ID. A bit like uber drivers swapping their IDs. It’s quite frightening.

When I was in hospital recently, I noticed that the ward residents (some there for weeks, some days) weren't offered hairwashes almost ever, but a strip wash daily. It wasn't enough, as people get older they can leak urine more easily, find it hard to reach round the back, and that's without mentioning the poor incontinent people. I don't think many of them were clean at all, and some had ulcers/things that really needed to be kept clean to stop skin problems, rashes, irritation at the very least.

I had my visitors help me with a hairwash twice, by asking for bowls/water, and had a full strip wash every day, again, asking for lots of water, bowls, soap, there was no issue if you asked, but it wasn't encouraged. I also quickly had a hairwash prior to surgery by kind of insisting. They did change the beds every day and did a good job mostly, but the more you ask, the more you get.

No-one would think aged 50 or 60 it would be fine to have one shower a week, and just wave a cloth around at other times (fine if you really can wash yourself thoroughly but many can't) so why at 75 or 80?

How often would your aunt like to have a shower? Speak to the Home Manager rather than a care assistant and see what can be agreed.

They must have been rich then. we didn't even have a bathroom until 1973, just a tin bath hung in the scullery that was filled every Sunday for everyone to bath in. My mother would wash her hair in the kitchen sink.

There are not many people living in the modern UK who would only shower/ bath once a week, so elderly people in care homes shouldn't be expected to be OK with this, either.

I would hate to only bathe once a week.

Sadly it's the state of care, but it's not good enough.

We all need to try and work to make this better - because we will all be there one day.

Care homes are usually very hot, so there's sweat.

Being less mobile means that pressure can cause sores on the back of the head - which need to be checked (and preferably prevented or stopped before they deepen or get infected).

It reduces the likelihood of tangles developing into matts that have to be cut out or stressful brushing.

Older people can still get nits. They can also have skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis, both of which can leave the scalp vulnerable to infection (from MRSA, for example), splitting and burning/itching sensations.

It soothes the scalp, preventing itching, which can drive anybody to distraction.

It involves close care, which enables the carer to observe any changes, perhaps in vision, whether facial muscles have dropped to indicate a stroke or TIA, neck strength, coordination and bruising (for any cause, including medical, accidental or even non-accidental ones).

It can be soothing and relaxing. It's gentle, positive and safe contact with another human being, warm water, shampoo and conditioner, an element of scalp massage

And residents are still entitled to dignity, which will mean being clean & fresh, which includes their hair.

Why wouldn't you want a vulnerable person to be given that level of care? The alternative is leaving them feeling itchy, looking dirty, perhaps with ratty hair or headlice, infection, never feeling a pleasurable touch, of nice scent and warm water and possibly something serious being missed.

She would like a shower every other day- that's what she has at home with paid for care coming in 3 x a day. She is paying the whole £1300 herself.

If I had known earlier I would have been more pushy but she is returning home mid-week . She has spinal problems that make washing herself difficult other than her hands and face but is not being helped at all.

There is a hairdresser and she has been having her hair washed and blow dried once a week at a cost of an additional £20.00.

£1300 a week is very expensive for a care home up here in the north-east. The room is very small with a single bed and a rickety chest of drawers that the knobs fall off when you pull the drawer, and a small rickety fibreboard wardrobe. There is one grubby looking chair and that's it. No tv in her room, no phone in her room. The other residents are clearly less compos mentis than she is and either sleep or wander the corridors not speaking to anyone, in a world of their own. She says her food is often presented cold and she was humiliated by the chef being called out because she commented on it being cold. A carer over heard and asked 'Are you complaining?' She said she was commenting rather than complaining. The carer brought the chef who she said asked 'What's your problem?' She explained and his response was 'I'll see what I can do next time to keep it warmer.' Didn't take it away and heat it up. She says it hasn't been any better.

However, the place is clean (if dated and very tiredand cheaply done) and most of the carers are very nice. She says there are two who are very abrupt and speak to her as if she is a child. Mind you she's no pushover and will speak up and can be very awkward if she sets her mind to it. She has complained about other residents going into her room and taking things (not from malice but she said once it happened at night and it's quite disturbing - they just pick up stuff.) My friend's mum is there and is one of the wanderers- she si very difficult to deal with.

I'm unimpressed with it . And it terrifies me that this is where and how we end up.

She is moving into an extra care setting near where she lives when a flat becomes available.

Not that she used it that often, but my mother's council (so originally Corporation) house that was built in the 1930s had a bathroom from construction, as did all of the houses in the street, irrespective of their layout. All downstairs, as that was preferred for workmen coming straight in and going to wash before entering the living room or kitchen, but richness had nothing to do with it.

This needs flagging to CQC and social services. There are some major safeguarding issues going on here.

That equates to £7.70 an hour. For 24/7 care plus food, heating, lighting, maintenance, equipment, laundry, staff wages, insurance, council tax, uniforms, entertainment, gardening etc etc.
I paid more than that per hour in nursery fees twenty years ago.
I was in and out of care homes for many years as a district nurse. The quality of care was massively variable but I don't know any that had the capacity to bathe patients every day.

I would think that warrants complaints.

We're in the SouthEast so it was slightly more than that. Furniture was fine. There was a phone and a TV. The carers were lovely but also lots of them.

Mum eats very little and has a lot of stomach issues. The people who took the food order used to ask if she needed adjustments to food.

Interestingly, the building next door was a care home. A couple of staff had left there after very short periods and told us it was not nice for staff or residents. Presumably a problem with senior mgmt that trickled down and affected everyone. I asked if it was understaffed and got a tight lipped "they just have a very different approach to care".

There was a six month gap, maybe more, between mum's stays and we saw mostly the same staff, which is a good sign.

In her circle, we've known four other people use that care home and they've all said the same, that it was good, that staff were kind. I know the nurse who did mum's second assessment for admission was quite abrupt but mum said after that she was lovely. They have a waiting list so she probably had to really justify each person she admits as being "in need", one person's money is the same another.

They have dementia patients on another floor, with coded exit and entry to prevent wandering. I presume those patients pay a lot more though.

I saw three care homes in the area though, and that was the only one I liked.

The Senior said they are not under-staffed. The staff all local and all were white that I have seen and speak with Tyneside accents- no language difficulties. The staff I have seen are patient and kind . Perhaps the staffing ratios are low.

For not much more than £1300 per week (yes I know, it's a huge amount) your Aunt could have an live-in carer who could help her wash or shower daily should she want to. A grant is available to make a bathroom accessible (although it depends on lots of other factors too, I know). I wonder how many people have been recommended to go into residential care when it's not the right thing for them, though? And then this and other even worse abominations is what they get.

I don't think she needs a shower or bath every day, it seems to me that 2-3 times a week would be an adequate offering at the care home. I don't have a daily shower/bath when I'm just around at home not exerting myself, this idea that we need 1-2 showers or baths when there is no specific reason to is a very recent obsession.

The issues that jump out for me here are:

1. not giving her any help to wash on the other 6 days a week is not acceptable
2. charging her the same (presumably) as other residents who need more help, but not giving her the same service, is not acceptable, although some of them might have more funding for more one-to-one or two-to-one, so you'd need to be careful how you worded this.

I would focus on these things.

I'm not suggesting every day but once a week seems sparse to me.
My aunt requires very little care as such so after breakfast she sits in her room and listens to her 'Books for the Blind' until lunchtime. After lunch she sits in the foyer/lounge for company if anyone is there until tea-time. After tea she goes to bed at 6.30pm. There are no activities, just a tv in the lounge but she is blind.

She is at a stage where she needs more care on hand 'incase' which is why she's moving to an 'extra care' place where she'll still have her independence, there is a cafe where she can have breakfast and lunch and she'll make herself a sandwich at tea-time. There is a hairdresser and others also in their own flats - so she'll have her own things with her- furniture, etc- and more company and no stairs.

At the minute, at home she has private carers 3 x daily, plus a cleaner 2 x weekly. But the house has stairs and she is lonely and starts to over-think and worry.

It won't suit her because nothing ever suits her 😂

I never suggested daily- I suggested every other day as that's what she'd like and is used to.

It was the same with my mum but they were happy for us to come in and give her a bath or shower. She preferred this actually. Maybe you could do the same.

@ItIsLobstersAllTheWayDown we found live in care way more expensive than the home...and that was just for one carer. The advantage in a care home is a whole team as well.

Once a week isn't enough if she wants more - 3 x a week would be acceptable. If they're not short staffed then they should do what she wants.
Delighted she's moving to Extra Care which is a fantastic initiative. Just ensure her care plan states exactly what she wants in terms of washing.

Don’t be ridiculous!
Many residents will have skin issues, whereby daily bathing isn’t recommended. As long as they are able to have a decent wash, they’re not being neglected.

I think you need to look around at other care homes. We paid a lot less (in the southeast) but mum had a tv in her room and good hot meals. It wasn’t perfect by any means but we could call in at any time and when my sister was there at 10.30 one night - after taking my mum to hospital - she was comforted by the fact that the staff were making tea or hot chocolate for those who were wandering around and couldn’t sleep.

This home has a Good from CQC and lots of positive comments from the last 2 years- some awful ones before that. The families seem appreciative in the comments. It's very hard to tell with the residents- the ones I see are very 'lost' and 'closed off' because of their dementia. There is an angry -looking man who is younger than the others but he isn't often around. They are almost all very elderly women.

Anyway, she is returning home this coming week. I have felt quite upset by seeing how old people often end up. I imagine there are much worse places than this. The one she is going to get a flat in is certainly much pleasanter as a building and facilities. I do think where she is at the minute needs the room re-furbished. Her bed is lumpy as well. The bedding is spotless.

I was surprised there are no individual TVs or phones in the rooms. If you ring you have to ask to speak to her and the receptionist gets the senior who takes a phone to her room- bit of a palaver. I wondered if it is because so many are mentally infirm and might damage equipment or ring any number just pressing buttons. My uncle was in a care home 8 years ago and had his own tv and phone, a very nice en-suite and much nicer furniture.