AIBU to be bored of the grind?

[Cowsontheloose]

Hi all.
As above.
I work 16 hours a week, DH works 40. We do ok.
We have DD12.
The grind is getting to me, I work til 1, 4 days a week, the rest of the time is housework and things.
DH gets home at 6 leaving us 4-5 hours of nothing til bedtime. TV etc.
3 days a week DD does activities which require us to be out of the house til 9pm.
Weekends are no better, dancing on one day, then visits to ILs (who are ill and need household things doing) my parents. Then I'm zonked and it's Monday again. Nothing getting done in the house (diy, decorating etc) because DH tired after work and no spare time at the weekend as we do things for ILs.
Something needs to change but I honestly don't know what. Life is just so monotonous, and I'm fed up.

More of a moan really.

You only work 16 hours a week OP and have one pre-teen. You'll get little sympathy here. You work 4 hours on 4 days, why can't you do house things when you aren't working?

I do, i do most things, and I appreciate I'm pretty fortunate, but it doesn't stop things from being monotonous.

You could increase your hours and DH could decrease his? DD could take herself to activities at this age, surely?

You could split home visits so DH goes to his parents and you go to yours for the morning, then you two meet up to do something fun?

Yep. You could always work 40 hours a week if you’re bored of housework, Op? Spice it up by taking on a full-on role in a care home or similar?

I probably wouldn’t want to be out until 9pm three days a week, but other than that, this doesn’t sound like a grind.

I hear you op, not sure why you are getting a pasting.
I'm not going to suggest a solution, just say Monday was the day of the year with the highest levels of depression. You aren't alone and nothing lasts for ever.

You work 16 hours a week and you have one near-teenager?! What grind?

Why can’t you do the decorating in the week days-presumably you have every afternoon plus a whole day off every week?!

I do, but I cant do diy. I literally do most things.

Nothing getting done in the house (diy, decorating etc)

If you do the decorating and most things, then it’s not really the case that nothing is getting done, is it?

You work 16 hours a week & have a pre-teen there isn't much excuse op.

You could do plenty in that time, you choose not too that's the problem.
Plenty of DIY tutorials on YouTube. Learn something new.

I hear you, but is it not so much 'grind' because your hours are low, but more just monotony?

Step one might be to find something of interest outside the house just for you.

If your DD has activities til 9pm, then on one of those evenings your DH can take her to her activity while you go to a thing of your choosing. You can repay the favour if he wants an evening too.

Also teach yourself something new - doesn't matter what, but do something a bit stretching.

And sack off the housework.

One day you will look at things & think I wish I could do that. Time passes very quickly

Well plenty of people will have more on their plate, but it sounds to me like you're thoroughly bored. Same here.

I've had to work hard to drag myself out of the feeling of the never ending grind...I've picked up a couple of hobbies and now am very proactive in making plans with friends.

The boring adulting will never go away but you can find time for yourself in there somewhere, get your spark back a wee bit.

I don't get this
'DH gets home at 6 leaving us 4-5 hours of nothing til bedtime. TV etc'. Why does DH not getting home til 6 mean 4/5 hours of nothing? There is so much you could do in that time!
I have a similar set up to you except I work FT from home, one 12 year old also. Dh is often out of house for 3 full days a week (commuting). Its really not a grind. If I stopped work at 1 each day and had a day off I'd do any of these things in that time (once housework done, but like you I have 1 DC so really there isn't that much housework):
Home work out or yoga or pop to a local gym (your Dd is old enough to be left for an hour)
Local knock about game of tennis with DC
Pop to a friends house for a cuppa while kids play
Local walk w DC (and dog if you have) add a local friend to make it sociable
Chat, play card games with DC (at 12 they are great fun!)
There are many more options, these are just simple ideas.

Life can be just as monotonous working 16 hours as 40, I do get that. But only working 16 hours gives you so much more scope than full time workers to add things into your life that give you joy.

You can’t possibly be doing that much housework - how much housework do two adults and a teen create?!

As for DIY not getting done… how much DIY does a house need? I’m trying to think back - I think a month ago I had a door knob break, and about three months ago two fence panels were blown over.

Working more hours might give you more purpose - if you like the job.

Otherwise, finding things that you actually like will help. I like running. Some people like volunteering in charity shops.

Look for enjoyment in the things you do. I used to love being out as taxi for gymnastics - the chats in the car, watching them try things. Don’t mindlessly watch TV in the evening - pick a box set and actually look forward to it. Be strict about how much time you give the PIL. Let your husband do that whilst you’re at dance.

How is your - and his - health? He’s home by 18:00, why is he “zonked” when he does nothing all evening and just potters at the evening?

DH gets home at 6 leaving us 4-5 hours of nothing til bedtime. TV etc.

I don't get it. You're simultaneously complaining you don't have time to get things done in the house, and also that you have hours and hours when you have nothing to do

If you're bored, either get things done in the evening, or do something more interesting than watching tv. Go out. Get a hobby. Learn a new language.

Is there anything you take pleasure from, music, or reading? Have you lost interest in things you previously found pleasurable?

Instead of trying to shame you, people should be trying to help you identify what the problem is and how to fix it.

I agree with this. Could you add in things that you enjoy just for you. Maybe start with a list of things you enjoy/want to try. Pick a few things and see what difference it makes.

Sounds more like you're in a rut than you're ground down. It does happen and I have more sympathy than some people here.

What about using the time you're not working to get out and do other things. Join a yoga studio, a community gardening project, take a pottery class, learn a new language, singing lessons... whatever it is that takes your fancy. We all need something that feels fresh and like it's taking us in a satisfying direction. Your life sounds a bit humdrum at the moment - setting yourself something to work towards, even if it's just learning a new skill to a basic but satisfying level, is so beneficial to happiness.

What do you want your days to look like OP - whilst being realistic?

What do you do whilst you are out to 9pm in the evening? What could you do?

What are your top 2 prioritise? What can you do about them?

What can you think of to make life easier?

What do you want from life?

Would working more actually help, as then you can develop a career more as a focus.

Could you do the things that you have to do for parents during the week, rather than the weekend.

You have hours and hours of free time, you can do clauses, exercise, volunteer in something that interests you. You have hours every evening with your partner you could do all sorts of things then.

Is it that you don't know what it is you want to do?

Pay a decorator. They will do it quicker than you can, will do it while you're out of the house and they clear up their own mess.

I can do my own decorating, but I hate it and it's so messy. Decorators aren't hugely expensive and it's worth it to me.

Pick a hobby or experience to try on your afternoons off. Meet up with friends. Hire a handy man for the DIY.

Yes OP.
I have had it up to here (points at forehead)
I work sixty hour weeks in a very stressful industry.
DH does sixty in the civil service.
Five kids and my mum has just moved in following a bad fall which has left her pretty immobile.

I have one day off per week, two if very lucky and it's taken up with housework and admin. It's shit.

And I'm not going to enter in to the hard work Olympics either. Yes I work more than you and have more children but modern life seems to be crap no matter what you do. Only solidarity over here.

Tbh you sound a bit bored. Why doesn't DH reduce his hours?
Can you pay someone to do the DIY?