AIBU to be bored of the grind?

[Cowsontheloose]

Hi all.
As above.
I work 16 hours a week, DH works 40. We do ok.
We have DD12.
The grind is getting to me, I work til 1, 4 days a week, the rest of the time is housework and things.
DH gets home at 6 leaving us 4-5 hours of nothing til bedtime. TV etc.
3 days a week DD does activities which require us to be out of the house til 9pm.
Weekends are no better, dancing on one day, then visits to ILs (who are ill and need household things doing) my parents. Then I'm zonked and it's Monday again. Nothing getting done in the house (diy, decorating etc) because DH tired after work and no spare time at the weekend as we do things for ILs.
Something needs to change but I honestly don't know what. Life is just so monotonous, and I'm fed up.

More of a moan really.

I feel you OP. I work full time (no children) & a finding life so monotonous. Problem is I need to find a hobby I really love, most hobbies I do I tend to think of as just things I do to pass the time (if that makes sense)

DH gets home at 6 leaving us 4-5 hours of nothing til bedtime. TV etc.

Why can't you go out or do a hobby/see friends?

I understand you @Cowsontheloose . It's not how many hours you work vs the "I work 60 hours a week and manage" folks - it's the Groundhog Day feeling.
This time of year sucks. It's cold and dark. I just want to hibernate. I am tired - but not actually doing anything to make me tired.
I have hobbies but I find myself just sitting and not doing them because I can't get motivated.
What do you do between finishing work at 1 and your child being home from school? That could become "your time". No housework/DIY etc - just you.
Walk around the park while it's still daylight - get fresh air.
Plan things for the coming months. Fun things.

I do hear you too!

It’s the merry go round of same shit different day.

I did join a gym, which when I joined I thought I’d last 2 days and that was almost 7 years ago. Only 2 days a week though. I also like to walk outside, but the weather has been crap for ages here.

I also make a point of getting together regularly with a couple of friends. One is a walking/chatting friend and one is an eating/chatting friend! It breaks up the monotony.

I think if you could find something you enjoy doing regularly, you should incorporate that into your life.

Thanks. Some great ideas here. I appreciate the good and the bad.
My life may be very different/easier/harder than some other people, but no less valid.

I've messaged a local choir so I will see where that goes.

I dont really have any hobbies. I could do with a woman's group where they do something different every week.

@Cowsontheloose maybe have a look at your local WI group (they're not all just old ladies 🙂).

This. Also your DH is home by 6, that’s early. The answer is probably better time management?

Why is there 4-5 hours of 'nothing' when your partner gets home?
If you're bored use that time for a hobby or evening class.

I know what you mean OP, your not saying your life's really hard, what your saying is it's the same thing day in day out week after week and your fed up with it, I get this feeling a lot feels like Groundhog Day most days.

I think maybe by saying “grind” you are giving the impression you are feeling pressure from too much to do, when actually you are meaning the opposite?

You have a huge amount of free time, but nothing really to full it with other than chores for other people, which is making you feel a bit lost and bored. Is that right?

What sparks passion in you? What did you used to do pre-kids, pre marriage?

You have no grind OP, you work 16 hours a week and have 1 teenage child. You need to find something to fill your spare time so you're not as bored. Increase your hours, take up a hobby, learn DIY so you can do the jobs that need doing.

Blimey i was a single parent and did a degree and worked 4 jobsand did housework, kids clubs, shopping all on my own and had zero money, you only work 16 hours try working full time then you will know what tired is plus your hubby gets in at 6pm, some parents get home really late

We both have to work full time, earning what would be considered fairly good wages, constantly shattered just feeling like we’re surviving due to mortgage increases and general cost of living. Feel unable to put the heating on of an evening due to the cost. I would LOVE to have the ability to work a 16 hour week, how much cleaner our house would be, less mental load for me meaning more would get done, happier life all round I think. We are trapped on this hamster wheel and it’s utterly draining

Personally, I would find working 4 hours a day for four days a week a right pain, all the hassle of getting up and out, to only do 4 hours, then home, by the time you get there, it's after lunch, bit tired, then it's evening meal etc. I suspect your life would be less monotonous if you did two full 8 hour days, and 5 days off, which is a lot of time off.

I guess that also every day and every weekend is very similar.

I think the person who suggested dividing up the running about for your dd was onto something, if you did two eves, your husband did one and the Sat, that would work well and free you up a bit.

Add in more things for you- choir, groups, what do you like to watch on TV, meals you like, things you choose for yourself. Any hobbies you've wanted to get into- language learning, plants/gardening, writing, start to do even one half hour every afternoon, you'd start flying along once you have set your goals and some concrete targets.

I think the problem with these part-time jobs is if you make them feel full-time and don't plan out the rest of the time, they end up being almost as much trouble as full-time work. You need to stop that and start seeing the benefits of having a three day weekend (so one whole day for decorating/your own stuff, one day your husband runs your son/dd to dance and one day with the IL's) and also use those afternoons a bit rather than just scrolling on here or on the internet (I block this site most of the time except in my breaks, and still get to post quite a lot!)

You’ve used the wrong word OP. You should have just said you’re bored with the repetitiveness of life as grind conjures up blood sweat and tears or long hours. My ideal working week would be four hours a day four days a week.

It’s your mindset that needs to change. You’re able to work part time hours, you have a healthy daughter that does lots of activity’s. You have evenings together with your husband relaxing watching TV. You both have parents still alive that you’re close enough to visit every week.

you sound privileged. You just need to add in a bit of fun and what a Perfect, calm and lucky life. Start believing it before it passes you by.

Grind would suggest you don’t have any free time as you are working/caring, but it seems to be that you’re bored because you don’t have any hobbies.

I mean, 16hours is the dream really isn't it. My husband works 40hrs and is always on call between his working hours, I work 30 hours a week in a secondary school. My life is wake up, sort my own two children out, rush them to school, go to work, help teenagers, work through lunch breaks (yay!). And when finally home I get to yet again look after my own children, do all the chores that weren't done the second I'm through the door then cook dinner. By the time I've a minute to myself (I love to read and cross stitch and various other hobbies) it's around 10pm and I'm shattered!! And then errands on a Saturday and an elderly relative to help out with and there's another week gone. I've had some time off on sick as I was so burnt out it was making me ill. I think, as much as you are bored, 16hours is pretty decent to find time to yourself in. Even if that time is sleeping and noone needing you. It is a luxury at the moment and just enjoy it because one day you'll have to work more hours or have more children and you'll miss it!

I don’t think you know what grind is

Routine is monotonous whatever it is. I think this time of year, it can be felt more. I'm looking forward to the Spring and hopefully nicer weather, not long now. Leisure time is so much more restricted in bad weather.

You can up your hours so your DH can reduce his.

He will have more energy and you'll be less bored.

Could you compress your hours at work so they are over 2 or 3 days instead of 4 and the day you've freed up could be used for a new hobby or visit your parents.

Try working 45-50 hrs and doing everything else.!

Lol 16 hours a week! Good one!

I'd honestly start and adult education course in the afternoons or one of the free evenings.

If your comfortable your daughter can stay home alone/sleep at a friend's maybe introduce the idea of doing something with your partner on a Friday night, even just trying new pubs and getting a taxi home (if you both like a drink), cinema date night, dance class, host friends for dinner/board games/go play pool etc/ twilight spa

Have you started planning your holidays this year,

Could you perhaps changing your working hours and do full days

Can you look into outside help for inlaws/parents, no free time at the weekend Is a killer, can you alternate weeks with other parents at daughter's classes