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AIBU?

To be worried about my babies development?

88 replies

flappybits · 18/01/2024 14:08

I've reached out to the health visitor with concerns at 8, 10 and now 12 months. I keep getting told that babies do things at their own pace and to not compare, and I do understand that but I also really do feel like my baby needs support.

I think his social skills are ok, possibly slightly behind? He doesn't have any words yet but he babbles, interacts, has good shared attention, follows where I point, passes me things, takes part in repetitive games like peekaboo etc. He doesn't point or clap. He has waved a couple of times but not consistently.

His motor skills I'm concerned about, he can sit independently but can't get himself into a sitting position from lying down. He can roll but he can't crawl, he can't stand, he doesn't appear to weight bear well at all his legs whether he can't or he isn't trying to, I'm not sure.

So yes, I am comparing to my eldest who by now had been crawling for 4 months, pulling up to stand and cruising around furniture and was two weeks off taking his first steps. My baby is nowhere near that.

AIBU to be worried? Or should I keep pushing for a referral?

OP posts:
LaughingAtClowns · 18/01/2024 14:12

No 2 children are the same. What on earth do you think a health professional would be able to do about a baby who is not as advanced as you seem to think he should be? He's a perfectly normal baby. Just enjoy him. He will do all the things you mention, in his own time.

My 2 sons did things at different ages to each other. My grandchildren have been different. They've all grown up to be normal, healthy, intelligent, sociable people.

TheShellBeach · 18/01/2024 14:13

You're comparing him to your first baby, though.
Babies are all different. Mine all stood and crawled at different ages. As for talking, my second didn't say much till he was over two. He didn't need to, because his older sister did all the talking for him.

He's an adult now with a university degree.

Your HV is right. Give your baby time.

flappybits · 18/01/2024 14:15

LaughingAtClowns · 18/01/2024 14:12

No 2 children are the same. What on earth do you think a health professional would be able to do about a baby who is not as advanced as you seem to think he should be? He's a perfectly normal baby. Just enjoy him. He will do all the things you mention, in his own time.

My 2 sons did things at different ages to each other. My grandchildren have been different. They've all grown up to be normal, healthy, intelligent, sociable people.

Edited

What do I expect them to do about it? I think he may need a physio referral. I think not weight bearing along with no progress towards crawling/standing/walking by one year is worth looking into. I just feel like because I mentioned how different it is to my eldest they are sort of disregarding it and just saying no two kids are the same. He just seems to bend in ways he shouldn't and lack the strength needed to weight bear and crawl/stand. I was suspicious at 8 months but now at 1 year I really do think he needs a referral.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 18/01/2024 14:20

He sounds fine to me and I’m pretty sure my dd was around the same at that age. She wasn’t particularly early for anything and pushing the boundaries of ‘late’ for a few milestones. She’s in junior school now and there’s no marked difference between her and her peers.

I agree that you need to give him more time and perhaps incentive. I’m a firm believer that babies don’t do things until there’s something in it for them. A more adventurous nature is likely to be incentivised to be independently mobile asap whereas a more docile child (like my dd) is perfectly happy ambling along content with their lot. They all get there in the end.

I will say though, I look back at videos of dd and can hear her clearly saying words that I didn’t pick up on at the time. Obviously it took some time for my ear to tune into her!

Cornettoninja · 18/01/2024 14:23

If you’re concerned get in front of the GP. All you can do is keep knocking on doors or go for a private assessment.

No one here can tell you that you haven’t observed what you have so rise above the sense you’re being judged and advocate for your ds.

Londonrach1 · 18/01/2024 14:24

One of my friends children didn't walk to 16 months, now very good horse rider, dd was running at 10 months but didn't talk till over 2...now aged 7 doesn't stop talking..my dn and dn never rolled but now teenagers they can walk, talk and do more complicated maths than me. Honestly it's all a range..if worried ask hv but if not worried try to not worry and stop comparing him to your 1st.

Singleandproud · 18/01/2024 14:24

I always opt for fixing the physical needs first, you can go for private physio if he doesn't hit the bar for NHS physio yet. Work on lots of gross motor skills activities to build up his muscles, lots of swimming either at the pool or a very deep bath where you can support him and he can kick freely.
Invest in indoor and garden toys that build those muscles, wobble boards those expensive climbing triangles with slide attachments etc. even if he can't climb them yet he can pull himself up, push cars down the slide etc.

Midnightgrey · 18/01/2024 14:49

I agree that babies develop at different rates. I would be a concerned though about some of the things that you describe. I don't think this is a physio referral because I think this is completely out of their scope of practice. He needs to see a paediatrician who has access to proper diagnostic tools to find out if something is wrong. It is easy for doctors to fob off women as anxious worriers about nothing because the doctor doesn't have to do anything then - not letters to write, no actual thinking. If we're not anxious worriers, it's all caused by stress. I think you are going to have to be very firm and unemotional - no comparisons with your other son at all and being very specific about the things you have noticed. If something is wrong the sooner it is diagnosed the better the outcome is likely to be.

DogualCat · 18/01/2024 14:54

What does he score on the gross motor section of the 12 month ages and stages questionnaire? Anything in the grey requires follow up from a HV or nursery nurse. Anything in the back needs to be investigated by a GP or suitable specialist.

http://www.somerspediatrics.com/media/1016/asq-12-month-english.pdf

http://www.somerspediatrics.com/media/1016/asq-12-month-english.pdf

Naptrappedmummy · 18/01/2024 14:57

DogualCat · 18/01/2024 14:54

What does he score on the gross motor section of the 12 month ages and stages questionnaire? Anything in the grey requires follow up from a HV or nursery nurse. Anything in the back needs to be investigated by a GP or suitable specialist.

http://www.somerspediatrics.com/media/1016/asq-12-month-english.pdf

A 1 year old not weight bearing, cruising or crawling would definitely be in the black, I don’t even need to check the ASQ to know that.

OP, yes, I would be worried too - not in a ‘there’s something very wrong with him’ way but in a ‘what can be done to encourage him while excluding anything serious’ type way. I would go to the GP and ask for a referral, and not be fobbed off. The earlier he gets some help hopefully the sooner he can catch up.

Hope you’re okay, all this milestone stuff can be quite horrible but is sadly necessary.

Naptrappedmummy · 18/01/2024 14:59

In fact OP’s baby doesn’t tick any of the gross motor boxes - I think all the ‘he sounds fine to me’ is well intentioned but not actually helpful and could hinder her DS.

DogualCat · 18/01/2024 15:07

Naptrappedmummy · 18/01/2024 14:57

A 1 year old not weight bearing, cruising or crawling would definitely be in the black, I don’t even need to check the ASQ to know that.

OP, yes, I would be worried too - not in a ‘there’s something very wrong with him’ way but in a ‘what can be done to encourage him while excluding anything serious’ type way. I would go to the GP and ask for a referral, and not be fobbed off. The earlier he gets some help hopefully the sooner he can catch up.

Hope you’re okay, all this milestone stuff can be quite horrible but is sadly necessary.

I agree, but the ASQ gives clinical backing and evidence to the concerns and can’t be dismissed as being a mother ‘comparing her child to others’

Naptrappedmummy · 18/01/2024 15:08

Yes I agree, sorry sometimes I find with these things posting the ASQ when you know the baby won’t tick any of them is kind of a roundabout way of saying ‘yes there is an issue’. But I also take your point about showing they’re behind an average baby, not comparing to advanced older siblings.

Allchangehereagain · 18/01/2024 17:09

My eldest didn’t crawl till 12 months, couldn’t pull himself up to stand either. He started walking and talking at 18 months. I actually did myself a shoulder injury as I had to carry him around for so long.

My youngest was so completely different, walking at 11 months. There’s nothing in your OP that would have me racing off to the GP.

Gabby10 · 18/01/2024 17:14

My DD didn't crawl, pull up or seem to weight bare until she was 14 months, she then did it all within about a month. If you're really worried then see the GP but it sounds normal x

togetherlikeglue · 18/01/2024 17:37

What @Midnightgrey said.

If I'd listened to all the people telling me my concerns were unwarranted when my second child's babbling dropped off around 12 months she'd not have got the intervention she needed when she needed it. Get in front of a paediatrician- if there actually is nothing amiss, you haven't lost anything.

spinningplates2024 · 18/01/2024 17:39

I’d want him reviewed. He might be absolutely fine and catch up or he might need physio/OT and just watching and waiting may not benefit him. Definitely do asq and say there is a clear delay and you want an assessment/support.

Didimum · 18/01/2024 17:50

Rather than the language, social skills and crawling, I would be concerned about a 12 month not yet bearing any weight. I would ask for a referral.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 18/01/2024 18:09

My grandson did not sit until two years. He propelled himself along by commando crawling his upper half and dragging his legs. He started walking a couple of moths after learning to sit but was very unsteady (still is). He's three years now.

My daughter could not get an appointment with the hv or gp for love nor money. This was during covid.

She had a virtual consultation with a developmental specialist who assured her nothing was amiss. The blue episodes which he'd had since birth were behavioural breath holding.

Since found out that he has hypotonia, global development delay and epilepsy ( which was in fact responsible for the blue episodes, which still happen regularly).

When my daughter eventually got a hospital appointment she was not taken seriously when she described his symptoms.

The diagnosis took two and a half years. Waiting for speech and language therapy and ASD assessment.

OP - go with your gut.

flappybits · 18/01/2024 19:39

Gosh that ASQ has me even more worried, he barely does any of the things on that entire list, not a single one of the motor ones but also not the majority of every category. Is this serious? Sad

OP posts:
ShoePalaver · 18/01/2024 19:44

Go and get another opinion. He may well be within the extremes of normal but there's no point waiting to find out if there are things that could be done to help him. Try the GP, or if he goes to nursery the staff there may be able to suggest ways to help

CanaryMary · 18/01/2024 19:46

I too would be worried op and all my children have done things at similar but different stages and we’re all crawling and cruising by 7-8 month’s which I know is early but if one hadn’t done anything by 12 months I’d worry too. I think you’ best making an GP appointment so they can assess him, hopefully it’s nothing to worry about but you do right by getting him checked out.

WonderLife · 18/01/2024 19:47

Has the HV done a developmental check with him? I think mine all had them between 9-12 months. That should highlight any difficulties.

ShoePalaver · 18/01/2024 19:48

flappybits · 18/01/2024 19:39

Gosh that ASQ has me even more worried, he barely does any of the things on that entire list, not a single one of the motor ones but also not the majority of every category. Is this serious? Sad

I think most babies do most of the things, even those that are slightly behind the curve.. my children have been considered good or average in every area and the HV has questioned me about each of the few they couldn't do. Strange that yours isn't

JessPess · 18/01/2024 19:49

I can understand your worry OP and I am sure there are lots of parents that are here to support you.

Speak to your GP and ask for some advice. You have the ASQ to back up your observations and they should know where to go from there. It may be that your DS needs some more support, or you might find some reassurance in their assessment.

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