Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

She needs to be seen by a doctor to rule out any medical causes. This isn’t normal after school tiredness.

This thread is so weird... OP, why have you not answered the queries about a GP visit??? This is obviously the best thing to do because it sounds medical as opposed to the days being too long. She could be lacking in iron or B12, she needs her bloods testing.

You can ask the school if they can go part time, many schools allow this if you can show you will be home schooling anything missed from the curriculum. Of course, it’s at the discretion of the school.

She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.

What have you said about this to her? Some of the phrases you use like "needing a break" etc sound more adult. I'm wondering if you are feeding some of this unknowingly.

Asd in girls presents differently to boys and none are dentical. Please take her to Gp to rule out medical issues such as hearing and visual problems and if needs be refer to a paediatrician. Has she hit her milestones, is she sociable?

Given she's already sleeping 12 hours a night, but still isn't rested enough to get through the school day, my first thought is sleep apnea. I am not a doctor.

I thought the new thing was that homework is not useful for 6 year olds?

I'll suggest taking her to a GP as well.

I think the school days are too long in the UK for this age tbh. I feel sorry for the little kids who should be playing and socialising instead of trying to concentrate.

A friend's daughter was like this when she was fourteen. She was exhausted and slept for twelve hours at night and found it hard to wake in the mornings. The GP did all sorts of blood tests but in the end, it was put down to hormones and told that some people need a lot more sleep than others and told to rest as much as possible.

You could try giving supplements in case she's run down or getting over a virus etc?

I could have written your post about my own DC6 last year. I think its quite common - all kids are different and they're not all designed to cope with what's essentially a working week.

I'm not shy - I just phone them in sick if they're getting burnt out. Another thing I do sometimes book dental/optician check-ups for awkward times like 10am so they can have a lie-in before appointment then school don't complain that they're later in. It makes a difference just having the occasional shorter day.

@Milkybarsareonmeeeee, ND is not wrong. Not getting a child access to support or accommodations is.

Girls are notoriously under diagnosed. And what may be presenting as tiredness and her feeling bored could become a bigger problem which leads to MH issues post puberty.

By ruling out physical or ND factors the family are narrowing in on the cause and reassuring themselves that potential issues which may impact on her experience of school are negated.

There are countless stories on here of young teen girls having significant issues with school but due to lack of diagnosis and supports escalate.

That's lovely you still read to your DC. I still read to my 11 yo every night. Her older brother listened til he was about 14.

The OP is free to take what she wants from the thread and she doesn't have to update us on that.

Op, my two kids are exactly the same as yours. I can totally relate.

DD is 7 and DS is 10 (both recently turned these ages) and they are burnt out by the time they get home from school. Over emotional, really tired, hungry etc. DD is in bed asleep by 7.30pm, DS by 8pm.

They do have a slightly longer schedule

There is no way DD would be able to do a club during the week, it's too much

I totally agree with what everyoneltb said above

Ploughed through 7 pages. Op still not replying to questions about GP.

Would you say the same about a diagnosis of diabetes? It's just a label! Of course you wouldn't. A correct diagnosis means children can get the support they need. This child is clearly not lazy, she's exhausted!!

@EmmaEmerald

I wasn't referring to how long ago the op posted! I was addressing the fact she hadn't really replied to the numerous questions asked, the GP issue, etc. she wasn't really interacting with posters.

I haven’t read the full thread, but I wanted to say that it is not law for a child to be in school. It’s is law for a child to receive an education. And that does not mean in a school necessarily. What many people don’t understand is that school is ‘opt-in’ in this country. (I home educate my dc).

Im sorry for your child. School in its current form is brutal for kids.

I was planning to recommend exactly this (the Autistic Girls' Network document).

I'm autistic with autistic DC and this all sounds very autistic!

The sensory overwhelm (things being too loud, needing ear defenders), meltdowns in shops after school, seemingly "coping" during the school day but experiencing this level of exhaustion after....ignore teachers telling you there are no signs of SEN because a) most have very minimal training on the subject, b) girls can present very differently from the stereotypes and c) masking at school and everything falling apart at home is absolutely classic.....

Anyone muttering about "labels" can piss off - my "label" (diagnosis!) has been nothing short of life-changing and I only wish I had had it as a child (no such luck in the 1980s!) I finally understand myself and no longer believe that I was just a "naughty child" or am a terrible, incompetent person. Understanding ones self is vital and can very truly be life-saving.

Would of course suggest speaking to the GP about her extreme exhaustion and also specifically mentioning the sensory struggles, suspected masking in school and anything else you feel is relevant.

I know way to invalidate their feelings.

My autistic DS spoke about 'adult concepts' from very young.

Boys can also present in the more typical 'girl' ways. My DS does. In fact I would say both my boy and girl are quite a mix of typical 'boy' presentations and 'girl' ones, although leaning towards the girl (internal) presentation.

this is why home education(not home schooling that's something different) exists and millions chose this route

school(and their strict, conforming tactics) doesn't suit everyone

there are so many kids being forced to be somewhere they cant cope with becasue parents and society say they "must"

I did think the same as you. Not everywhere in Europe starts school at 7 (My DC's dad is Dutch and started school at 5.) I was particularly thinking of France where they start at 2! Does your nephew get homework at 2?!

I didn't know that about autism and Long Covid. My autistic DD suffered terribly with it. She had to go on a reduced timetable too. 2 years on she's pretty much recovered except pains in her muscles/joints.

She said asleep by 10 past (10 past 7) not 10pm