Can I ask if your happy with your life?

[Marniemo]

I’m late twenties with 3 young children I work full time in a corporate role. I’m absolutely miserable. All me and hubby do is work and look forward to the weekend.

I really want to change our life but I don’t know where to start. I’ve thought about leaving UK but it seems so difficult.

curious if anyone else has these feelings or thoughts? I’m so tired of just plodding on.

That does sound exhausting, could you afford to cut your hours down ? That could make a big difference to how you feel.

Would you not have to work if you lived in a different country? Comparing a nice holiday stay with living somewhere full time is very different. I think you have to make small changes to your life where you can and partly accept that work is part of life.

People never had it so good - my grandma hand sewed her clothes, walked miles to school and when married had to wash her three childrens cloth nappies by hand. You say you “wait for the weekend” - even weekends as such are a relatively new thing what with labour laws etc. the reality is that the absolute majority of people always have and always will work for a living and this is what enables society to function- if nobody worked we wouldn’t have any goods and services!

So you need go find a way that balances your work and home life in a way that suits you and your family best. But don’t have unrealistic expectations.

I can and that’s my plan in april! But it wouldn’t make a huge change to my life. I feel like I’m constantly searching for something but not quite sure.

I wasn't happy, till 7 years ago I randomly decided to move 400 miles up north. (Cheaper costs of living and more SEN school places for my eldest, didn't have a chance in hell down south!)
Now happily settled, my sons doing well in his SEN school, made a nice group of friends, and happy living in the country side without all the pollution!

I think you need to see a good life coach x

Yes to be fair I am happy. I think maybe with 3 kids you are prob just knacketed and don’t get much time for yourself.

I feel the same, searching for something just not quite sure what, sick of stress from work and trying to keep up with kids stuff, my memory is gone crap aswel, would love to have the right balance

You are on a treadmill. Full time work and three children sounds absolutely exhausting. The only thing is reduced your hours or get more help in. Preferably both. But depends a lot on your financial position.

Are you able to zero in on what’s making you unhappy? Or is it just a general dissatisfaction with everything?

What areas aren't working for you? For me I feel:

Family: 70% happy (and anything I'm not can't be changed, like health of parents)
Career: 80%
Finances: 50%
Relationship: 80%
Friendships: 80%
Health: 95%
Lifestyle: 70%

Well, you can change careers, but you’re stuck with the children. What aspect of your life is making you so unhappy?

Isn't this the case for most people though? Me and my partner both work full time, 2 kids and pregnant with 3rd. I think it's about having things to look forward to, cosy nights in etc.

Self care is the missing part. You won’t feel any better until you have this.

Cut down your hours and if you can afford it, find a job that gives you a greater sense of purpose. Not sure what you mean by a corporate role but if the aim of what you invest all that time and effort in is not aligned with your values, that makes life harder. You can set yourself goals, find all the purpose and motivation you like, make plans that you can fulfill to give you a sense of achievement but sometimes just looking around and realising what a privilege it is to have a healthy and loving family that can provide a safe and secure environment for your children should be more than enough to be happy. Maybe rethink your expectations of happiness, I know it’s easier said than done, I hate my life too! Probably a lot of people do, I think it depends more on your personality than your circumstances. And remember it was blue Monday this week, you might feel better in Spring, hopefully anyway!y Sounds like you are burnt out; a successful career and 3 kids is a lot to cram in before you are 30! It will get easier. Good luck!

I am, yes.
But I no longer have 3 young dc.
Working FT and parenting young children is hard.
It is a phase.
A very challenging phase.
You need to decide what your options actually are and whether they really are right for you and your family.

I recognise those feelings OP. Both DH and I full time, I’m so miserable and feel like I don’t get to spend enough time with my DD or DH as I’m either working or doing housework. My dream is a small job we’re I only answer to myself and have time to cook, bake, grow vegetable, exercise and have quality time with my family

Yeah very much so :) don’t have much money and I’m a bit fat but so lucky with my family and little things to look forward to every day.

You sound like you might be a bit burned out tbh, have you felt like this for a long time or is it a recent feeling?

On another thread I got my knuckles rapped for saying that women have been sold the lie that they can have it all when they can't, but the OP is here demonstrating that we can't - no-one, male or female, can. Something has to give. The OP is in her prime and she is living a miserable life.

My OH is dead now, but during his lifetime we both took some financial risks in order to prioritise family life. These caused some changes in lifestyle like downsizing, but we knew what mattered to us.

OP - you are in a corporate role, so must be earning good money, and the problem with that is that we tend to lead the lifestyle that goes with it - there may be another lifestyle that will give you back your peace of mind without leaving you financially unable to manage. It worked for us, and my now adult DDs learned a valuable lesson about life priorities and the things that really matter.

@Mischance I agree. I was sold this lie and it has caused me much MH difficulty over the last few years. I am now happy though - I have found a balance and left the UK to live somewhere less grey with my family - we have two DCs. Have a good work / life balance now.

I am sorry but anyone who says women can have it all after having children is lying. The emotional and physical impact of it, the cost of childcare, work stress etc - but importantly no amount of money will buy extras hours in a day and therefore time spent with them.

I do think it’s possible to have it all .but I don’t think it’s that common. I’m happy, I’ve got a gorgeous husband and lovely kids ( with their challenges) and step kids and an extended family ( also with their challenges!) I have a lovely house and a good standard of living. The job I have to fund this is stressful and sometimes a bit soul destroying, but I’d hate to stay at home. I’ve built a career I’m proud of whilst, for the most part, being a single parent. There are points in my life where I’ve stopped and been like x yep, I’m doing it, I’m having it all. Then a month or so later, something crops up and it’s hard for a while. But we survive it and we keep going

How much do you need your wage? Your childcare bill must be high?

Have you got a cleaner?

You’ve not mentioned if your role is high pressured?

Can you reduce your hours or find a post wfh a few days each week?

There are things that can improve your life you just need to be courageous and make the changes

To be honest, it does sound exhausting. A few decades ago, a women who had three children and worked full time in a corporate job would have had a full time nanny. The vast majority of women did not try to do this. Even 10 to 15 years ago, virtually all the mothers of my children's friends worked part time, often in jobs that did not reflect their level of education. Many would have been SAHM for a few years.

Nowadays the costs of living are so high that couples need to both work full time and mix that with also having children. Amongst my colleagues, the norm for returning after maternity leave was usually to go part time. Now they pretty much all return full time.

I don't know your financial circumstances, but I really don't know how you get quality of life when you're so stretched. Can you cut your hours or switch to a less pressured job? Or both of you drop one day?

OP, I think it will be easier in a few years when your DC are a bit older. It's hard with young DC.

I agree Mischance. DH and I both prioritised kids over career. We had a lot less money than most people we knew but a LOT more time and almost zero stress. We earned just enough to pay bills and have a tiny bit left for fun. Ancient banger of an uncool car. Never updated the old-fashioned kitchen that was in the house when we moved in. I became really good at seeking out incredible bargains for holidays, theatre tickets, meals out etc so DC had a lot of fun growing up.

I think we are a pretty happy family.

I think I'm happy, I like my job (nurse) and I'm a single parent and my dd is an older teen now. We've had some really difficult times over the years but overall I like my life and consider myself lucky.

Getting the work life balance I think is paramount. I worked part time for as long as possible and even now only work 35 hours a week.

As long as there enough money to keep our heads above water I'm okay. Im not materialistic at all.