Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift to new parents

51 replies

MoonWoman69 · 17/01/2024 20:09

Ok, I may be being over dramatic here, but bear with!
My husbands best friends son (I've known my HBF longer than my husband, so 36 years) has just had twins with his wife. I didn't want to buy the usual - clothes etc, so I chose a twin feeding pillow. Now his son, (who has always called me his second mum, his real mum doesn't mind this at all, as I've been in his life from birth and we're close. Just to set the scene!) called round yesterday to pick the gift up, thanked me, said he absolutely loved it and they'd been considering one etc. I was chuffed that I'd chosen something they would get some use out of. I've had no word of thanks from his wife at all, even though she has my number.
I've just had an email notification that she'd posted on FB, so I went to check it out, hoping it was a picture of the twins in their new "seat". It was a picture of one twin, propped in a v pillow, with a comment that she was chilling while mummy did chores!!! I had to hold myself back from typing, "they could both be chilling in the new pillow"!!!
Am I being unreasonable to expect some acknowledgement from her over the gift? These things aren't cheap (not that it makes any difference really) but she's put pictures up of everything else people have bought, made or given her, which are the usual things🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Richie23 · 17/01/2024 20:15

Yes you’re being very unreasonable. It doesn’t mean they’re not using the pillow ever. Maybe it’s not super useful just now but in a few months time it’ll be used a lot.
I don’t really like the attitude of giving someone a gift and then expecting it to be shown on social media how they’re using it. That’s a bit weird.
I also don’t know why the wife would message you to say thanks when the husband has already done it. She’s probably been thanking aload of people on her side of the family and he’s been thanking people on his. Looking after a newborn, let alone twins, is hard enough, without having to think about thanking everyone multiple times and plastering it on social media so people feel appreciated.
I’m sure at some point in the future there will be a lovely photo of the twins in their pillow together. Then you’ll have your validation.

Original poster
MoonWoman69 · 17/01/2024 20:18

It's not a matter of validation, it's a matter of basic manners! And no, I don't "expect" it to be plastered all over social media!

OP posts:
dammit88 · 17/01/2024 20:21

I think given he has thanked you, you are being a bit unreasonable. And she has newborn twins ..... I would take his thank you as a thank you on behalf of the parents together

eatsleepfarmrepeat · 17/01/2024 20:22

Yeah you’re being unreasonable. My father in law does this, he gifts something expensive, gives it a few days and then starts crowing about how he hasn’t received a thank you card /whatever particular gratification or tummy rub he feels he needs.

they’ve just become new parents to twins. Back the fuck off.

FrogOfFrogHall · 17/01/2024 20:22

Yes sorry YABU. Her husband has thanked you. I would count that as coming from both of them

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 17/01/2024 20:27

YAB MASSIVELY U to expect a woman who has just had twins to spend her time keeping everyone happy and not hurt anyone’s social media feelings.

Also her husband saying thank you is good enough as he’s the link to you.

You should give gifts with good grace not to be overly thanked.

elizzza · 17/01/2024 20:27

She’s just had twins, give the woman a break! I don’t think you need to be thanked separately by both of them - the dad has said thank you.

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 17/01/2024 20:28

Also what makes you think she isn’t on here? It’s a forum for mothers? (Mainly)
I was on here loads when I became a mum and your post is very outing.

polkadotclip · 17/01/2024 20:35

FrogOfFrogHall · 17/01/2024 20:22

Yes sorry YABU. Her husband has thanked you. I would count that as coming from both of them

100 per cent this.

If a friend of my husband is thanked by my husband, the obligation is fulfilled. It's not my job to go thanking people that are connected to me through my husband, when he has done it (or even if he hasn't!).

And that's before you factor in newborn twins.

AllAboardTootToot · 17/01/2024 20:38

Shame there’s no option to select ‘OP is needy as fuck!’.

calm it Janet!

NerrSnerr · 17/01/2024 20:39

You were thanked by the husband. Why should she thank you as well?

I bet if she had initially thanked you there wouldn't be a thread moaning that her husband hadn't thanked you as well.

WhyAmINotCleaning · 17/01/2024 20:41

they’ve just become new parents to twins. Back the fuck off.

This

QueSyrahSyrah · 17/01/2024 20:42

The husband thanked you for the gift, presumably on behalf of he and his Wife. Why does the Wife specifically need to thank you too? Why is one thank you not enough?

Of all the unreasonable things I've read today, this is the most unreasonable.

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 17/01/2024 20:42

You have been thanked. It was an oddly specific item you bought and it sounds like they already had similar items. She has new born twins, give the women a break she doesn’t need to double up and do the jobs again her husband has already done.

takealettermsjones · 17/01/2024 20:51

So what did your husband get them then? Or was the gift from the both of you?

Thatbloodyhedge · 17/01/2024 20:54

You are not important atm
Hth's

Caggers · 17/01/2024 20:57

I've had no word of thanks from his wife at all

Her husband already thanked you. Why do you think it’s her role to do it again?

Anneta · 17/01/2024 20:59

You have been thanked profusely for your kind gift by the husband who you are close to. I expect that she was pleased with your gift too, especially if they have been thinking about buying it themselves. YABU to expect a second thank you from the mum because the “Thank You” you have received is on behalf of the couple.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/01/2024 21:03

dammit88 · 17/01/2024 20:21

I think given he has thanked you, you are being a bit unreasonable. And she has newborn twins ..... I would take his thank you as a thank you on behalf of the parents together

This!
Yabvu and entitled. The poor woman has newborn TWINS the last thing she needs to be doing is stressing about sending a double thank you text to people who've given unsolicited gifts and already been thanked. Obsessing over her social media too is creepy.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/01/2024 21:05

Ps why did he have to go round to you to pick the gift up unless you're disabled he should have been at home looking after his postpartum wife and two new babies

WhereIsMyLight · 17/01/2024 21:06

If your connection was to the wife and she had thanked you, would you be expecting the husband to reach out and thank you and put a social media post out about you? Of course you wouldn’t. Why is the husband’s thank you not enough for you? Why do you need to create wife work when there is literally no need for it?

WristCandy · 17/01/2024 21:25

It sounds like you wouldn't have expected a thank you from the wife if you hadn't seen thank yous for various other gifts on her FB? Of course she's got a lot on her hands right now, but I get that you can't help noticing that your gift hasn't made the FB haul posts.

cadburyegg · 17/01/2024 21:30

Why on earth do you get email notifications that she has posted something?? How odd.

Yabu and I would suggest you have too much time on your hands

All2Well · 17/01/2024 21:36

Can you imagine the reverse of this...

I have just given birth to twins and my husband's dad's best friend's wife (!) is angry with me because she gave my husband a pillow and he thanked her but I haven't also thanked her and also she is annoyed that I used a pillow we already had.

OP, c'mon get a grip, Love. It's not that deep and keeping newborn twins alive is more important than you being thanked twice and having a photo on social media.

BusyMum47 · 17/01/2024 21:51

Richie23 · 17/01/2024 20:15

Yes you’re being very unreasonable. It doesn’t mean they’re not using the pillow ever. Maybe it’s not super useful just now but in a few months time it’ll be used a lot.
I don’t really like the attitude of giving someone a gift and then expecting it to be shown on social media how they’re using it. That’s a bit weird.
I also don’t know why the wife would message you to say thanks when the husband has already done it. She’s probably been thanking aload of people on her side of the family and he’s been thanking people on his. Looking after a newborn, let alone twins, is hard enough, without having to think about thanking everyone multiple times and plastering it on social media so people feel appreciated.
I’m sure at some point in the future there will be a lovely photo of the twins in their pillow together. Then you’ll have your validation.

This! ⬆️