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AIBU?

To ask if you felt you looked terrible with a toddler, did you ever feel attractive again?

52 replies

Uglumm · 17/01/2024 15:58

I look awful. Used to be relatively attractive. I’m slim but my face is white/grey, I’m tired, I barely have time to exercise. I don’t wear make up as literally rarely have time. I don’t have nice clothes. Will I ever feel attractive again?! I’m 37

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

32 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
50%
You are NOT being unreasonable
50%
WithACatLikeTread · 17/01/2024 16:04

Yep. Same age with a one year old. I just try to drink water and moisturise! 🤣

TheSnufflet · 17/01/2024 16:04

I'm the same age and in the same position @Uglumm - except fatter and with toddler twins 🙁what I wouldn't give for just an hour's mindless cardio and to actually look nice in clothes again!

Uglumm · 17/01/2024 16:06

I honestly can’t believe how shit I look 😭😂

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 17/01/2024 16:06

I've always been fugly so personally? No.

But I'm sure you look just fine. Just tired. And that will pass.

Quitelikeit · 17/01/2024 16:08

No. Birthing my children was the beginning of the end of many things sadly.

However I have them so I should be grateful right? 🤣🤣🤣 maybe some days

Peachyscream · 17/01/2024 16:08

You’re slim. That’s most of the battle won 🤣
Order a nice but comfy dress/top. order some costume jewellery. Take an hour to dress up do your make up. Take a selfie. Leave the house looking glam (don’t waste that effort)
The next day, you can look like a tramp again 😂

BingoMarieHeeler · 17/01/2024 16:08

My youngest and last is almost 2 and I’m getting out of the awful phase. Eldest is 8 so it’s been a long time coming. I hate this phrase but I’ve come to see I really did ‘let myself go’.

I’m 10kg heavier than I was at my booking appointment with her, and 12kg heavier than just after she was born so that’s my main issue.

Have recently had my first professional haircut in a decade and last year had a skincare consultation which genuinely did massively help.

Makeitmakesensetoday · 17/01/2024 16:09

Same!! I look horrendous and I'm so bloody fat. But I'm working on it whilst using work from home time to squeeze in 2x 20 minute workouts at home per day (i know that's wrong but im a high performer and i do work hard otherwise) as this is the only time everyone is out of the house.

I'm also food prepping myself lunches as that was my downfall. I find Gousto/hello fresh useful for evening meals as it stops me reaching for a takeaway menu when I'm tired in the evenings. I shop for clothes online in the evenings, try them on and send them back in my lunch breaks as I don't have time to shop otherwise.

My hair and nails are in good condition but nails never painted and hair full of greys - i take a lot of vitamins to keep them in good condition but don't have time or funds to regularly treat myself with beauty and pampering - I've made it my 2024 resolution to upkeep my hair and nails more as this makes me feel and look better.

Wotchaz · 17/01/2024 16:10

Yeah, feel this. I’m 33 weeks with 2 preschoolers, just had a bday and DH got me some new clothes and I just wanted to cry because I look like shit.

Sonolanona · 17/01/2024 16:12

When my youngsest was two, we had to have passports done for a trip abroad.
My children were aged 7,6,5 and 2.

That was 25 years ago and I STILL look better now at 56 than I did on that photo Grin. I literally looked like a corpse (I kept one of the spares for posterity!!) The sheer exhaustion shines out.

I will get better, honestly :)

Jeds55 · 17/01/2024 16:12

A 5 and 2 year old here and feel exactly the same.

I'm really hoping so! I've lost most of the baby weight but really need to tone up.

I can't remember if things improved as my eldest got a bit older (tbf I can't actually remember yesterday so no hope!)

ICantGetNoSheep · 17/01/2024 16:12

God, I lost myself entirely when I had 2 under 2. My fashion sense was fucking appalling. I cringe when I look back and see photos of myself at that time. I was dumpy and unstylish. As soon as my youngest started pre school, I felt like I got myself back. I lost nearly 2 stone and got back into fashion (for want of a much better expression)

LauderSyme · 17/01/2024 16:20

I misead your title as

"if you looked terrible as a toddler, did you ever feel attractive again?"

and was like whoah that's harsh!

phoenixrosehere · 17/01/2024 16:20

No. My skincare routine with a
a bit of lipstain or gloss is what kept me sane in the early years and now with DD1 who is almost 3 month old. My routine takes about 5 minutes from start to finish. Sometimes it’s just micellar water on a water wipe, a spray of toner, and a bit of papaya oil all over if I’m really in a hurry, walking DS2 at school. As long as my skin and lips looked moisturised, I’m happy.

My hair atm though is in desperate need of a trim and hoping to colour it (first time and thinking deep purple or a midnight blue) once DD1 is content to be away from me for more than an hour.

5128gap · 17/01/2024 16:21

Definitely! The busier I am the more horrible I look. I'm an averagely attractive woman who with time, money and effort can look good, but in the absence of these things, not so much. I'm in my 50s and at my all time best due entirely to having time to sleep, excercise, cook and eat healthily and get my hair done. Plus the spare cash for nice clothes. Unless you're at one or other extreme of attractiveness, how much you can throw at your looks and at keeping fit and well is the most important factor in how attractive you are, whatever your age.

Olinguita · 17/01/2024 16:21

I think it gets better. My DC is 2 and I am already starting to look better. I've regained muscle tone, my hair has finally grown back evenly and I've rediscover my dress sense. It took a while though. Looking back at pics of the first year I looked AWFUL. Hollow-eyed, bad skin, lank hair, badly matched clothes etc.
But that me is starting to fade into the rear view mirror and I feel attractive again. The only thing I lament is my hands - I used to have beautiful hands and was really good at doing my nails myself, but they get chipped really easily these days with the grind of housework and general rough and tumble of life. Now they are always a bit red and my nails are never done. One day!

Stressedoutforever · 17/01/2024 16:21

I'm in this stage with 2 under 2 so I've decided to try and be more proactive- small changes like I do my hair in heatless curls the night before so wake up and have good hair instantly, always wear mascara (even when I don't do a full face I just have 10 seconds), wear perfume and just treated myself to some new clothes as well as drinking loads of water to help eith my skin/weight.

I saw a tik tok that said imagine who you want to be and what they do and try and implement what you can!

Will report back if I continue it haha

BalletBob · 17/01/2024 16:24

Don't know but I look shit too. Still breastfeeding a toddler so can't use my normal super strength skincare which makes me actually look human until she's weaned. Skin is dull and spotty. I am sprouting more chin and neck hair on the daily. Hair is not greying yet but it's just...crap (should disclaim that I actually don't think there's anything up with grey hair). Am massively overweight and a very weird post-kids/ post-C section/ post-enormous weight gain shape that I have no idea how to dress. No idea what's fashionable and although I'm still young(ish) I feel like mutton dressed as lamb in anything vaguely trendy. I think my face is just different than before I had kids. Can't put my finger on it. But I don't recognise myself in the mirror. DH is a marvellous man and tells me how beautiful I am all the time which is cute because even though he's a total liar he obviously loves me.

It would be amazing to hear from other women that this is a phase and I'll have a second flush of youth, but sadly I feel like I'm on a one-way trajectory looks-wise. Downwards.

CYNlC · 17/01/2024 16:45

Definitely it will pass. Things got steadily better on that front after my youngest turned three / four years old - but both my kids were pretty awful sleepers, so you may well have your renaissance sooner than I did!

I did feel as though I 'lost myself' for a few years really, after both my children were born. But it definitely did come back. I have obviously aged, but I feel far better about myself than I did ten years ago.

Notimeforaname · 17/01/2024 16:52

Get up 30 minutes before your child does. You'll have time to do hair/face whatever it is youd like to have done.

SecondHandFurniture · 17/01/2024 17:01

I reckon DS was about 3 and sleeping properly (temporarily, ha!) before I felt myself and had the mental capacity for a bit of mascara and perfume.

Now he's 5 I feel and look pretty much like I used to, except 40 and not 35!

badwolf82 · 17/01/2024 17:07

I’m not in your position (yet) but as someone who likes to look good with little effort I find the following has helped on that quest-

  • makeup routine that takes 5 minutes or less (in my case cream to powder foundation, blush, subtle eyeliner)
  • low maintenance but stylish haircut - for me this is a mid length bob that looks good down and only needs a hot brush running through it, but is long enough that I can put it in a ponytail if i need to
  • a “uniform” that isn’t jeans and a t shirt because to me thats a one way ticket to frump town. For me in summer that’s wide leg linen trousers with a nice printed blouse (floral, dots etc) and in winter its floral/print dresses over leggings with boots.


But it does sound like for most women this is a temporary situation.
mightydolphin · 17/01/2024 17:21

badwolf82 · 17/01/2024 17:07

I’m not in your position (yet) but as someone who likes to look good with little effort I find the following has helped on that quest-

  • makeup routine that takes 5 minutes or less (in my case cream to powder foundation, blush, subtle eyeliner)
  • low maintenance but stylish haircut - for me this is a mid length bob that looks good down and only needs a hot brush running through it, but is long enough that I can put it in a ponytail if i need to
  • a “uniform” that isn’t jeans and a t shirt because to me thats a one way ticket to frump town. For me in summer that’s wide leg linen trousers with a nice printed blouse (floral, dots etc) and in winter its floral/print dresses over leggings with boots.


But it does sound like for most women this is a temporary situation.

I agree with this. I'm a SAHM mum to a 3 month old and 3 year old.

I put make-up on in 5 minutes or less. I also only wash my hair once a week so it requires little maintenance once straightened.

My fashion sense isn't always on point but I think avoiding baggy clothes really helps me feel more put together and nicely dressed. That might not be true for you, but I just feel frumpy in baggy jumpers etc.

mightydolphin · 17/01/2024 17:22

Oh and I always use perfume. I've got a couple of retro ones on the go at the moment and they make me feel put-together and nostalgic at the same time.

I'm 33.

allthecakesinalltheworld · 17/01/2024 17:23

Yeah I looked at my worst when my kids were little 😂

I was at my best when they were teens, I was early 40's and I had time to myself for the gym etc. I've gone downhill again now 😂

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