To ask if you felt you looked terrible with a toddler, did you ever feel attractive again?

[Uglumm]

I look awful. Used to be relatively attractive. I’m slim but my face is white/grey, I’m tired, I barely have time to exercise. I don’t wear make up as literally rarely have time. I don’t have nice clothes. Will I ever feel attractive again?! I’m 37

My youngest is 4 and I still look like shit unfortunately. My oldest is autistic though so I think we have had the toddler phase extended by a few more years than normal.

I'm not technically overweight but much heavier than I used to be as I've got no time to exercise. I'm always too tired to make an effort with my makeup, I just wear comfy clothes as I never really go anywhere except work (I wear a uniform) and the school run/Asda etc. my hair needs cutting much more regularly but again lack of time....

I'm hoping things will improve in a couple of years as the kids get more independent though. I've never been particularly fashion conscious but I would like to look and feel healthy again!

My twins are 9 & i’m only just starting to get back to a bit of my old self. I’ll be 40 in a few months and feeling it. Have lost last of the “baby weight” so need some new clothes, have started to wear little bits of make up & need hair cut & coloured as thats been 10 years. Don’t think i’ll feel “attractive” but hopefully better and more like me after 12 years of being a sahm)

I feel like I'm just coming out the other side of this and my youngest is 6. I finally have the will and energy to put a bit more effort into my appearance and feel like me again.

After my first I did manage to get back to about 75% as good as I had looked before kids but it took a good 2.5 years and a lot of hard work. Now after the second I am struggling a lot more, no time, put on a lot more weight with this pregnancy, older…and I feel fairly unattractive most of the time but hoping it’s not gone forever. I miss time to fake tan because I’m co-sleeping and breastfeeding but a fake tan makes me feel so much better about myself!

Yes to all of this @BalletBob - especially the bit about the weird post-kids/ post-C section/post-enormous weight gain shape! I wasn't exactly a model before kids, but it's like my fat distribution has gone completely haywire 🙁

I hear you! I’ve got a 2 year old and an 8 month old and I feel haggard, constantly got eczema, constantly tired and my hair is lank and horrible. I’ve started to keep up with a skincare routine and having my nails done which makes me feel better. I’m actually having Botox soon as I cannot cope with how old I look at the moment lol I’m 35 so not old at all but I feel so distant from pre baby self.

My DD is 21 months and no matter how much I take care of my face, exercise and put make up I feel like my face is just blah. It just looks tired which I am to a certain extend all the time.

Diet: my fitness Pal, 5 a day and vitamins
Sleep and drink water
Fresh air, daylight, sun light
Jillian Michaels 30 day shred (20 mins exercise a day)
Cervae smoothing cleanser and face cream
Hair I use henna wax hair mask, and conditioner everytime I was my hair
Pantene argan oil
Nice pefume

NC cause my actual face is below, but I felt it necessary not to scribble my own face out to show the change.

First pic - DD was 9 months.
Second pic - DD is 4, this was just before Christmas.

Appreciate I'm 'done up' in the second, but other than the dress and heels, my hair and makeup is the same every day - because I have the time and energy to do it. I wear nice clothes because they're not covered in baby sick all the time. I look back on pics from when DD was a toddler and I find it mortifying. I feel a lot better now! It'll come OP 🥰

@RickAstley0 you look amazing! This genuinely has given me hope. Thank you.

Its my hair is so dull… it used to really shine and people would comment, random people in a supermarket even! It’s so dull now and thin, I had it coloured the other week and it’s barley made any difference.

My lips have gone thin and the skin around my lips is really saggy!!! My face just looks old suddenly. I did wear some make up over Christmas and definitely looked better but nothing like before I had my baby who is 16 months now. The make up just doesn’t go on right anymore. I won’t even start on my clothes as I literally wear leggings and a hoodie every day!

Yes but only after I lost 6 stone!

@Uglumm thank you. DD was around 2/2.5 when I was able to really put some attention back into myself, I also lost 18 stone of useless shit when my husband left me when she was 18m which definitely helped as I was able to express myself and my style without anyone commenting, as he used to.

Do what makes you feel good. Make subtle changes when you can. You glow differently when you feel good in yourself - that helps too!

I’m with you! Just dived back into the newborn stage again while I’m at it, as if I wasn’t already looking bad enough 😂 I really struggle to even drink any water in a day. I washed my hair this morning and had put some moisturiser tan on my face last night (bondi sands sleep mask it’s called, on Amazon) and my husband said tonight ‘you look different, you look nice’ 🤔😂 I just physically don’t have the hours in the day to sort my house out, myself out, exercise, drink water, make everyone healthy meals, play with the kids, change nappies, toilet train, WORK etc etc 😩 It’s completely impossible!

No since having children I look and feel crap all the time, even when I make an effort!

Yes! Dc is 6 now, I’ve lost a lot of the weight, exercise so much more and finally sleep without interruption. I have a wardrobe that fits me and is not covered in yoghurt. I have dark circles under my eyes now that we’re there before he was born but in general I look much much better.

Following. 34 years old. On maternity leave. 3 yo and 7 month old. I’m skinny but still somehow saggy and my boobs look like a pair of old socks. I put make up on every day, but honestly it’s like polishing a turd. In desperate need of a hair cut. I wear jeans, a breastfeeding top and a jumper every day and I often find myself reaching for my walking boots because of practically.

I was never beautiful but I liked how I looked and felt confident and attractive. I loved styling myself. I’m just hoping as money, time, sleep and age of children go up I’ll be able to find myself again!

I’m 34 with a 3yo and an 18mo.

In terms of how I’ve looked over the last few years I’d say it’s:

• Pregnant with DC1 - I looked fucking amazing. Great hair, great nails, slim but with a bump
• Pre DC1
• pregnant with DC2
• Post birth with DC1
• Post birth with DC2 including the last 18 months

What I would say is I looked after myself way more in pregnancy than in either of the postpartum periods or pre DC. Eating right, exercising, etc.

Made me realise that it does make a difference. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. My New Year’s resolution was to do skincare religiously every morning and night and even though I feel like a shit for taking 5 mins of a busy morning to myself I can already feel the difference.

It’s so hard though. So be kind to yourself. I imagine I’ll look a bit better when I’m getting 8 hours sleep and have the motivation to return to the gym…

God I felt this!! Saw a photo of myself and was shocked, I just looked grey! I lost 4 stone since having 18m DS and am actually a stone lighter than I was when I got pregnant with him but my fat distribution is just nuts now? My shape is totally different and I just don't know how to dress myself! I have another stone to go to get to my goal weight and am genuinely thinking about booking a stylist appointment then.

Wow I feel so much better reading these...looks like we are all in this together! I look fucking AWFUL all the time - knackered and grey. Completely relate to PP about the passport photo. I have 2 kids, I had my second at 36 and I feel so so old all the time (far too old to have a baby) - i actually told dh once I was worried about being mistaken for her nan. As well as being generally wan I don't have the time/energy to make an effort - always overdue a haircut, no time to go clothes shopping, hands/nails are unkempt, total lack of skincare. Occasionally I try to do some online shopping and always send 95% of what I've ordered back, then wear my same leggings and hoodies. Oh and I never exercise any more so totally unfit, flabby and agree with pp about change in body shape - got a "pouch" that I never had before my second.

Wow reading back that is so depressing! Good to get it off my chest though hahahaha.

I've got a newborn and I feel the same, dumpy and haggard. Like the Olivia Colman mum character in Green Wing.

BUT I remember feeling my normal glam^ self by the time my dd was about 18mo old. So I KNOW I'll feel myself again in time.

^it's all relative ofc

I think the key is dresses. Even if you aren't normally a dress type person they make you feel more put together than jeans and a hoody or similar and are easy to move in and skim over any remaining 'mum tum'.

Boots, leggings and dress (shirt dress with a vest under if still breastfeeding), Dorothy Perkins are quite good for cheap dresses as are Mountain Warehouse - yes, I know they are an outdoor shop but their dresses are great.

Then it's a case of multi-tasking put a whatever makeup you wear and a mirror wherever toddler spends the most time or in the kitchen so you can do it whilst they eat (or play drums on the saucepans). For me I would just do BB cream, vaseline and a quick swipe of mascara and a squirt of perfume and feel better.

Hair get it cut in an easy to do style, maybe a bob with lots of layers so that if you don't have time to dry it it looks beachy hair than Witches of Eastwick as my long hair looks if it's not been tamed with straighteners

Im 37 & my baby is 19y ive always felt good about my self.
I never wore make-up just moisturiser and plenty of water good diet.
I try to stay away from stress and negative people ive never had social media i read the old cheesy love books.(mills&boon)
I dont engage with family members that cause problems all cut off nc.
It does wonders for your life.
Im single by choice have been for years & love it so no drama with a man.
I do what makes me happy.
And it seems its worked well.
Love yourself & you will shine.

Yes it does get better. Mine are 4 and 6 now and playing together and entertaining themselves more and I suddenly realised today that I look more put together and just better generally. Somebody even complimented my trousers today! I remember it being a bit deal when my smallest was about 2 and I decided to
try and wear a bra every day - I’d been living in baggy tops and an endless pile of washing and so didn’t always have one!

Something else that I found made a big difference in how I look and feel is that I stopped buying stretch fabrics (aside from t shirts) and buy almost exclusively woven fabrics now. It makes a huge difference as I now have dresses and blouses that have lasted for years instead of previously when a stretch fabric dress would look like crap after 3 washes. I wear a lot of loose styles and a loose woven dress (maybe with a stylish belt) looks 100 times better than a loose stretchy dress which usually looks like a giant sloppy t shirt after only a few wears.