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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much have you spent on attending a hen party?

70 replies

Ticklemeharder · 15/01/2024 19:40

Just wondering if I’m being unreasonable for declining a hen party invite abroad for three nights. Love the bride and feeling very guilty at declining as everyone else in the group appears to not have an issue with the cost. It’d end up between £1200/£1500 for the weekend if I’m being realistic and although we technically have the money to spend, it’s not spare and would be coming out of our savings. Currently experiencing radio silence from the bride/rest of the group and feeling a bit down and questioning whether I’ve done the right thing.

OP posts:
Whyisthissohard96 · 15/01/2024 19:43

That’s insane! YANBU!
Over a grand for 3 nights is crazy, I am assuming this friend group is very privileged to just assume every one would be happy spending that amount

Bonesy1 · 15/01/2024 19:43

That is a ridiculous amount of money, I’m surprised no one else has questioned it tbh

TheLogicalSong · 15/01/2024 19:44

I've never spent more than the cost of my meal and drinks and contribution for the hen's share.

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 19:45

Of course it's not unreasonable to turn that down. There's radio silence as they've realised they'll have to pay more now. Utterly ridiculous. They need to get in the real world. That's about 2 months rent payments for a lot of people.

CarStress2024 · 15/01/2024 19:45

Stick to your guns. This is obscene

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 19:45

And to answer your question the most I've spent is about £120

Fionaville · 15/01/2024 19:45

You have done the right thing!
My SILs hen cost me £350 all in all last year. And tbh I felt like that was a bit much, considering we still had the cost of attending the wedding/outfits and gift to pay for.
The amount you are being asked for is extreme. Nobody should make you feel bad for not wanting to/being unable to pay out that much money on a hen do. They are taking the piss.

Ocelotstripes · 15/01/2024 19:46

Yikes what was that for? Jooi.

Bubbleohseven · 15/01/2024 19:48

Regardless of the cost If I could cash flow it I would but if , like you, I had to take it out of savings then that would be a no. Because my savings are for a rainy day, not a piss up in Ibiza (or wherever)

EvilElsa · 15/01/2024 19:49

I once went abroad for the weekend for ex friend and probably ended up spending £500. I didn't want to go as I had a one year old and wasn't loaded, but felt pressured into it by some bitchy comments and sulking and really regretted going. A couple of years later ex friend had a baby and wouldn't do anything that involved her going away -one of many reasons I binned the massive hypocrite!
£1200 is ludicrous!

hellojelly · 15/01/2024 19:49

Around £200, for my now sister-in-law.
For her I'd have spent whatever it cost, but for friends I won't attend if it's abroad or expensive. Would prefer to attend a night out, afternoon tea etc, no interest in spending a fortune on a hen do.

candlelog · 15/01/2024 19:59

Been to a few abroad hen do's. All in with spending money etc probably around £800-900 per trip.

EmilyTjP · 15/01/2024 20:04

Around a grand for a hen party abroad and massively regretted being bullied into going. I didn’t even get an invite to the wedding.

HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 20:07

Why so much? I've been to abroad ones for 3-4 nights that haven't come close to that in cost!

DyslexicPoster · 15/01/2024 20:10

I was thinking if it was a day about £200 before reading your post. Three day? 3 x200? Not sure really. If it was my best mates I have gone away to Dublin, Oxford etc so hundreds. Never £1000 plus. We would do one of two events at about £70 each event. Also its been Fri - Sunday so two nights really.

Chickenkeev · 15/01/2024 20:11

That's absolutely crazy unreasonable money. Do not feel bad. And tbh if they're blanking you about it, i'd be taking a look at the friendships.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 15/01/2024 20:11

£200

FairFuming · 15/01/2024 20:13

I'm planning my sisters one currently. Its looking to be about £35/40 each. It's just a boozy afternoon tea with facepaint and random games and crafts though (thats what she wants)

2024GarlicCloves · 15/01/2024 20:14

Weekend in Barcelona. I budgeted about £350 but ended up spending about £800; her closest friends turned out to be wealthier than I'd realised. Attending her wedding cost the same again, even though I'd booked into a B&B some distance from the venue. I need cheap friends!!

It's perfectly OK to tell them it's too far out of your budget.

Snowflakesonhisnose · 15/01/2024 20:14

When did going abroad become a thing for hen dos? It was always a night out, maybe with a meal in times gone by.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/01/2024 20:14

I’ve spent a similar amount on several hens, but friends and I regularly happily spend that on long weekends away with each other regardless of whether it’s a hen weekend, so it wouldn’t really phase me.

Just message the bride privately and say you would have loved to have gone but don’t have the money spare / have it earmarked for a family holiday and can’t take it out of that budget. I doubt the silence is personal animosity, more that if you’ve already declined then there’s not a lot else for anyone to say to you, presuming you didn’t want them all to try to persuade you to come.

ISeeTheLight · 15/01/2024 20:15

I did have my hen do abroad last year but it was with just 4 friends and we specifically went all inclusive so people knew exactly how much it would cost beforehand. I just wanted to sit by the pool with some cocktails, my partying days are well behind it. My friends loved it, all bar 1 have kids so it was really the first girls weekend away (primary school aged kids mostly). But that was under £350 per person all in for 3 nights which I think was pretty good, and the hotel was fab and 4 star. They also all attended the wedding and we paid for 3 days food/drinks and 2 nights accommodation for that (same for all guests). Didnt have to pay for any drinks etc. So their overall costs to attend the wedding were very reasonable IMO.
£1300 is a joke.

dcsp · 15/01/2024 20:17

Snowflakesonhisnose · 15/01/2024 20:14

When did going abroad become a thing for hen dos? It was always a night out, maybe with a meal in times gone by.

Probably when it became a thing for stag dos. Why should the men get a lads' weekend and the women not get the equivalent?!

Lovelynames123 · 15/01/2024 20:17

One of my friends, who really doesn't earn much, is going to her sil's hen, it's going to cost over £1k for 3 nights. We've told her she's crazy to go but she feels she has to. The wedding itself is going to cost her another £500+ at least. So arrogant to assume people both have that money and want to spend it on you!

My own hen was £90 for hotel, activity, dinner and entry to a club, plus drinks, I would have never expected people to pay more!

So YADNBU to decline, stay strong!

Rewis · 15/01/2024 20:20

I've attended 2. And I'd say both in the end were 70-90€ when I add my food and drinks and the brides share. Other was overnight. Other just on evening.

I have to say that in my social group we don't do expensive hens abroad. I do know people who have declined going to a hen due to price, but this whole thing really depends on your social group on what is normal. And you need to decide if it is worth.i would be willing to spend more if it was my core friendship group cause it would be basically a holiday but with random people, not gonna spend a lot of money for it.