How much have you spent on attending a hen party?

[Ticklemeharder]

Just wondering if I’m being unreasonable for declining a hen party invite abroad for three nights. Love the bride and feeling very guilty at declining as everyone else in the group appears to not have an issue with the cost. It’d end up between £1200/£1500 for the weekend if I’m being realistic and although we technically have the money to spend, it’s not spare and would be coming out of our savings. Currently experiencing radio silence from the bride/rest of the group and feeling a bit down and questioning whether I’ve done the right thing.

The most I've spent is probably about £400, for my oldest friend, but that included the wedding itself too, so very reasonable really!

Anyone I know who's gone away for an expensive one has also had another, far more affordable, one at home.

This means no-one has to miss out on account of cost, and everyone going is actually really important as the wedding itself goes better if people who didn't already know each other have had a chance to meet each other (with the social lubricant that is alcohol) beforehand.

If the bride or whoever is planning the hen has arranged something costing £1-1.5k, without a second cheaper one, then they're the unreasonable ones, not you.

I think hen dos have grown arms and legs.

Weekends away had become quite common for hen dos 15 years ago. Then there was a time when going abroad was cheaper than UK weekend.

but flights and accommodation have become much more expensive.

I also think you spend more than you realise on these things- usually for shitty accommodation and poor food because the number of people limits places to eat.

Where did I say it shouldn't be equal Men, women, whatever, stags and hens never expected people to spend money in the way that they do now. It seems a big ask for many people, eventually with the COL and housing prices

Most would be around £300 for one night in another city. Money went towards t shirts and all that shite, bottomless brunch, paying for bride. I had a great time so was money well spent for me.

I didn’t have a hen do but I do think people expect a lot! There’s no way I’d spend that much on 3 days!

I spent about a grand on a 4 night hen do abroad last year. I thought it was massively unreasonable tbh but a most people invited weren’t going (not exactly surprising) and I felt bad because I did have the money (I just wouldn’t have chosen to spend it on that) and have known the bride a long time.

My own hen do is just a day activity and a night because I remembered how resentful I felt of the abroad trip last year and didn’t want people to feel that way about me. I’m also not sure anyone likes me that much.

Thank you, it’s reassuring to hear that this would be too much for most of you. Worth mentioning as well the wedding is also abroad a few months later (which we are attending) which is also making me feel more disinclined to go. I suppose part of the reason I feel guilty is because the MOH haven’t explicitly said how much it’s actually going to cost and are asking for £800pp for flights and accommodation. It’s expensive because it’s an expensive location and in the summer holidays and she hasn’t factored in travelling to and from the airports, any food, drink or activities yet but I know they were talking about a beach club, a spa day and in general hitting the local town each night which is renowned for being costly. I don’t think it’s going to be a “buy bread, cheese and Prosecco at the local supermarket and get pissed in the apartment” kind of thing.

I think there's a lot in that. I also get it if you've paid for hens abroad and now it's your turn, then you'll probably want to go abroad too. But as you say, travel has got so much more expensive - well, so has everything - that what felt do-able 5 years ago probably is going to be more of a stretch for more people now.

That said, I've never been abroad for a hen do, the only one I was invited to I was earlyish days pregnant and so declined. I think the most I've spent is £300 for a weekend here.

OP, this is a bit ridiculous. It's up to you to put the foot down. That is a huge amount of money to spend on someone else's parties. If you have it to spend, and you don't mind, fair enough. If you don't, there is absolutely nothing wrong in saying, no, i can't afford it. A good friend will understand.

I'd feel absolutely no shame in just saying it's out of your budget, especially considering the cost to attend the wedding, but that you hope they have a good time.

I didn't have one, but if I go to them a normal evening out is all I would do, even if I was a millionaire it is not the money but the idea of it i would never male a decision that would cost that much for people

You didn't get an invite to the wedding?!?!

I attended many hen nights in 1995 -2002ish. They were attended by friends and colleagues of the bride, as well as relatives aged 16+. They comprised dinner in a restaurant with wine/cocktails for those who weren’t teetotal or pregnant, with the middle-aged and young women going on to a club if they fancied it. Pretty cheap, and good fun. Met loads of new people and never had to dip into savings!

I have been to a few recently (remarriages now!) which have followed similar formats.

Sometimes it involves a hotel stay and a pricey train ticket if it’s an old uni friend who lives miles away, for example. But the notion of three nights in Budapest with a heap of expensive “activities” is just absurd. And the more people who say no to this nonsense, the better.

This is just awful. Did you ever find out why you didn't get an invite to the wedding?

zero, because if it’s going to cost me over £100 I simply don’t go.

I would decline too! That's ridiculous. Technically I would have the money in savings but it would be at the expense of our family holiday to use it! YANBU AT ALL

Sorry I've just read that the wedding is also abroad... I despair at how entitled some people are about their weddings. Not about getting married abroad but expecting people to spend this kind of money on them!!!

I couldn't justify this sum, nor would I be particularly inclined to go anyway.

Wow - they expect you travel to the hen weekend abroad and the wedding abroad. What a cheek.

Stick to your guns, you are going to the the wedding, don't feel guilty - it's madness having expecting her guest to pay out for two trips abroad

This is insane! Stick to your guns. Say it's over your budget, which is true if it would need to come out of savings. I bet lots of those going will whack it on credit cards ... Madness to me

£1200 (not including food and drinks) to go to Portugal. Hen was a total diva and was super miserable the whole trip. Group was too hungover to do the booked and paid for activities. Absolutely regret it. Don’t do it.

Will never ever do an ‘away’ hen ever again. Dinner and drinks are sufficient.

£0. I can think of nothing worse!

£500. Regretted every penny. I let social pressure get to me. I barely know the woman, it was mega expensive for what it was (a posh day out), dislike the groom, and had a rubbish boring time.

Wow, that's insane! I've never been (or been invited) to a hen do abroad. Most have been a day or night out. I've been on a couple of UK weekends away which have cost £3-400 including spending money. I also don't know anyone who's gone abroad to get married, although I have been to a couple of weddings abroad where the couple actually live in that country.

My friends are mostly above average earners, but none would dream of expecting others to pay out that kind of money to attend their celebrations.

I really can’t comprehend these days people expecting their friends to come to their hen do abroad and their wedding abroad. It’s just selfish in the extreme.

For some this won’t be an issue, but to others it’s just far too high an expense.
The whole hen/stag scene is utterly nuts now.