Please tell me this can't be true!

[JaffaCake70]

My Mum visited this afternoon, we were talking about wills and things that the departed have left in trust for their loved ones. During the course of the conversation Mum told me the following:

When my Grandmother passed away a few years ago at the age of 82, my Mum's older Sister wanted her wedding ring (for sentimental reasons).

When my Auntie went to collect the ring the undertakers gave it to her and told her that it had been stuck on my Nanna's finger so tight that they had cut her finger off in order to retrieve the ring.

I feel sick. Please please please tell me that this can't possibly be true? Has anyone else had experience of anything like this? I just can't believe it's true.. but if it's not true why would my Auntie, who isn't one for making things up, say it is?

That can't be right. It's more likely that they cut the ring. Hands are usually visible for viewings, there's no way they'd do that to preserve a ring

Yes I have used that method - it works fine

The majority of rings can be repaired by a jeweller. And they'd probably need resized for the inheritee anyway.

and AnneValentine

I really don't appreciate being called a liar.

I got a phone call from my brother in law. A grabby step relative was making noises about getting the ring, so he rang the undertaker, who he happened to be good friends with, and asked him to get the ring off, and sent me to get it.
Honestly I wasn't overly fond of mother in law, but was intrigued as to how he got the ring off so quickly without damaging it. He told me that in some cases, this being one of them, they have to cut off a finger. This was 20 years ago so times have probably changed a bit.
But it's quite true.
As brother in law never married or had any children himself, he asked DH to pass the ring on to our daughter. She doesn't want it, so it's currently stuck in a drawer.

Thank you. I was honestly stuck. Sometimes our brains let us down. I'm usually not this dense. 😅 (I hope!)

The only thing I could picture was chopping whole finger off. Somehow chopping just part off seems even worse.

My mums rings were very stuck and they couldn’t get them off. They never mentioned anything like that or said they would cut them. So they went with her in her coffin.

At the crematorium I’m involved with, they collect all the metal hips, knees plates etc and the coffin nails and they go off to a recycling company where they are smelted down and repurposed.

The income generated goes to a local hospice.

My Nanna was very slim in her younger days and very plump as an old lady. I wonder if the ring was so tight that it's the only way they could remove it.

But surely if that's the case they'd ask the family's permission before they cut her finger off? Give them the chance to say no, leave the ring and the finger intact please.

have you asked your aunt directly??

Don’t tell lies then. Because that did not happen.

I suppose it's easy enough to sew it back on again after they retrieve the ring?😬

Surely they cut the ring and not the finger?!

My mother died of liver cancer, and when I went to see her in the chapel of rest, she had swollen to at least double her size. We bought new clothes for her that were 5x bigger than her usual size, but they still had to cut them and Kay them over her Vs dress her in them. Her neck, fingers, face etc was severely puffy. We were led to believe this was normal, especially for the type of cancer she had and swelling associated with this disease. It doesn't sound too out of place, therefore, to need to cut off jewellery if fingers had swollen.

My cleaner works for an undertaker and her stories are grim (what they have to do to make bodies presentable for viewing) but also extremely respectful and caring. They wouldn’t cut off a finger to remove a ring altogether they do have to remove pacemakers and artificial hips etc prior to cremation so it is errrrm invasive!

No, I wouldn't want to upset her by bringing it up tbh.

why can’t you one t your aunt and ask her??

Oh god get a grip

The next time you visit your Aunt ask to see Grannies jewellery, just in a casual way - I can't remember what it looked like can I see Grannies ring?

Then get chatting, when did she last get it off, do you think fingers shrink when you die? Wonder how they got it off her?

My fingers definitely shrink when cold.

Surely that would constitute desecration of a body and be not only disrespectful (and ineffective for getting the ring off) but illegal?

Ask the undertaker.

NO! Pacemakers are removed but NOT artificial hips. These are cremated with the body.

I am NOT lying. You weren't there. This is exactly what happened. Just because it's not what you would do, or indeed what anyone should do, doesn't mean that it's never happened. I'm pretty sure some undertakers have done much worse.

Compression wraps have shrunk my leg, so maybe that would work, particularly on a finger that can’t fill with/empty out blood. Mine are quite swollen from a very hot bath/room.

I was extremely taken aback when the bloke at the crematorium offered to show me dad’s ashes and went to unscrew the urn! Absolutely weird.

I would guess this is all a big miscommunication...it's really common for undertakers to cut rings off, they have a little tool for doing it.

Have you seen the ring?

Maybe they said, it was stuck tight so we had to cut it off, and the wrong it was assumed...

I'm a funeral arranger and this is absolutely not true. If it was then the funeral director should be reported and struck off. We have to treat the deceased with utmost respect at all times. We're not allowed to manhandle the deceased, break bones to straighten the body, or cut any pieces off. If the family had wanted the ring that badly, and it wouldn't come off with lubricant, then the ring would be cut, not the deceased.

We once had someone ask if he could have his dead parent's gold teeth back (there were two) and he was told that if he could find a dentist willing to do the extraction, he could have them back, because we weren't allowed to pull teeth. Fortunately dentists also have morals and the teeth stayed put.