To pull my 2 year old out of nursery?

[Melsmels]

Hi MN
My son is 2.4 years old and has only ever been with me or Dad. I’m a SAHM with little family support but have attended soft plays and toddler groups consistently since DS was 8 months. He has always been happy at these groups, runs off without me and plays. Very recently he’s been wanting to involve me in his play there by taking my by the hand. As he was becoming more and more sociable, and advice I was given that it’s good for them - I decided to put him into nursery, 2 mornings a week (8:30-11:30) to meet other children and get ready for school when he’s 4.
He absolutely loved the settling in session with me being there, played independently and didn’t want to leave. However, last Friday was his first session alone and he ran in happily then I got called around 10 saying he’d been crying a lot and I got him early.
Next session was today with the agreement we’d only do an hour to settle him slowly - they told me he cried the whole time and wanted to stick with one member of staff, didn’t play or anything. He was in tears picking him. I then took him to a toddler group and he was fine - he ran off happily and I sat alone the whole time.

I am considering taking him out of nursery on the basis he’s just not ready. Is this a thing? Any advice would be appreciated!

It sounds like he's had virtually no settling in sessions, is that right? My child wouldn't be going to nursery like that. He's better off with you, if you genuinely think he's missing out take him to stay & plays or messy plays with you there

Have you seen she said she dropped him off day 1 and left immediately? It's nothing to do with socialising him enough, it sounds traumatic

@MariaVT65

This isn't a debate about whether being with your primary caregiver or being at nursery is better, but if it was we all know that being with your primary caregiver is vastly better. Fortunately the OP has a choice. I was put into child care from 6 weeks full time and I actually I do think it has affected me negatively, I do think I would have been vastly better off with my mother. That's just anecdotal, but there's plenty of evidence out there.

It’s up to you. I think most SAHM’s send their DC when they hit 3 and go to a nursery attached to school for 3 hours a day don’t they? I wouldn’t send my DC to nursery any younger than this if I wasn’t at work.

@MariaVT65 post all you like, but I think maybe this just isn't the thread for you. I'm the third person that's pointed out how much you've missed the purpose and general tone of this thread, and your continued defensiveness (despite proclaiming not to be) is very telling. Your son enjoys nursery, that's great. But that's not what the OP is interested in and not what people are discussing here

Now this post actually is nothing else but some pretty unacceptable parent shaming

If you're a stay at home mum, then I can't see any point in persisting with sending your son to nursery at such a young age if he's so unhappy. You're obviously giving him the opportunity to mix with other children at the other groups you attend so in your circumstances, I can't see any benefit in continuing to send him to nursery at this point in time when you could both be enjoying each other's company. He's still a long way off from starting school, so there's plenty of time for him to get used to being away from you when he's much more ready.

I’d take him out.

For what it’s worth, none of my 3 children went to nursery. The eldest didn’t even go to school until secondary, as I home educated him until then. He’s a young adult now and despite everyone telling me how I was somehow holding him back by not putting him in nursery by the age of 3, he’s doing pretty well in life! You’d have thought he would have grown up cowering away from society and unable to fit in the way some people went on.

Middle child went straight into reception with no problems.

Currently sat next to my youngest who is 3 and a half, she will be the same as her brother, Home Ed (my middle child was a very different personality and school suited her from day one).

Do what you feel is best for your child. My children always went to lots of activities and groups, there was no need to put them in a nursery with me being at home.

If he doesn’t need to be in nursery I wouldn’t send him. I had to send mine and they had to push through that crying stage but they went more often which helps.

I would look for a preschool attached to your primary school of choice and put his name down for when he turns 3.

Unless you need that time as mum to mentally recharge I would bother.

Hi everyone ,

Thankyou for the replies , they’ve been really helpful.
After discussing with Dad and family, I’m going to be pulling him out.
my main concern was the socialising side, but I do socialise him a lot. We do toddler groups , soft play, swimming and dad does a sport class.
Ive realised he’s still only 2.4 years old and will see where we’re at when he’s 3 / 3.5. He is a summer baby so he’ll be due to start school next September.
I feel a bit bad because it’s a school nursery so I know the places would be sought after. I hope they will be happy to put his name down for when he is 3.

'but I do socialise him a lot. We do toddler groups , soft play, swimming and dad does a sport class.'

That's loads, and that's all he needs at his age. Sounds like a good decision OP 👍

IMO that's totally the right decision.

Keep going to all the playgroups and activites with him. And talk a lot to him without any background noise to help improve his speech. You may even have a children's centre locally that you could approach for speech sessions like Toddler Talk or whatever.

Common sense on Aibu 😯

Sounds like a sensible and thought out approach

Agree completely. Also remember boys' social development lags slightly behind that of girls. My DS is 19 I put him in nursery at 2.5 ( his name had been down since birth) wish I'd kept him at his lovely childminders for another 6 months. Also just to say he is fine, but his time at his child minders is what he remembersmost fondly.

Hi. Can I ask what you decided to do? I’m literally going through the same thing right now but he is doing 3 days a week.

Hi!
My son is now 3.5 years old and attends nursery 3 mornings a week (8:30-11:30) and 2 full days a week (08:30-3) He absolutely loves it!
So at the time of the post, I spoke to nursery and they recommend I continue as they were going to try more 1 on 1 with him. So I tried again and something just clicked and he didn’t cry at drop off. I told him “I will see you later” They told he had a brilliant morning so I carried on. Ever since then, he goes in excitedly and happy and I when I pick him up he runs out to me with a smile. No issues so far whatsoever. So from my personal opinion I would say speak with nursery and really voice your concerns, they should be able to support you x

Did you find it helped his speech OP?