To pull my 2 year old out of nursery?

[Melsmels]

Hi MN
My son is 2.4 years old and has only ever been with me or Dad. I’m a SAHM with little family support but have attended soft plays and toddler groups consistently since DS was 8 months. He has always been happy at these groups, runs off without me and plays. Very recently he’s been wanting to involve me in his play there by taking my by the hand. As he was becoming more and more sociable, and advice I was given that it’s good for them - I decided to put him into nursery, 2 mornings a week (8:30-11:30) to meet other children and get ready for school when he’s 4.
He absolutely loved the settling in session with me being there, played independently and didn’t want to leave. However, last Friday was his first session alone and he ran in happily then I got called around 10 saying he’d been crying a lot and I got him early.
Next session was today with the agreement we’d only do an hour to settle him slowly - they told me he cried the whole time and wanted to stick with one member of staff, didn’t play or anything. He was in tears picking him. I then took him to a toddler group and he was fine - he ran off happily and I sat alone the whole time.

I am considering taking him out of nursery on the basis he’s just not ready. Is this a thing? Any advice would be appreciated!

I also concur. My pre-school breakfast club definitely sees more resistance from irregular attendees.

@Melsmels they don’t care about activities at that age and at that age they’re not missing out - honestly I don’t say this a lot on here as its hard if you have got to work (been there - awful but lockdown sorted that right out for me) but they really just want to be with an adult who they have a close relationship with could be Mum, but also Dad, or Grandparents.

I would really advise not get sucked into that, overfilling over scheduling bollocks. Sorry, it’s a trap!

If you’re not working I’d wait until formal nursery starts the September before school does. Children don’t need to go to nursery although it’s become quite common to put them in early now, but I personally wouldn’t if I didn’t work as it’s expensive and mine were constantly getting sick (I had no choice as needed to work). Just keep doing what you were doing, soft play, mum and toddler groups. That’s enough socialisation until nursery or even school age

Hes very young. Take him out until he's 3. Concentrate on other things, learning to swim, picnics, making friends etc etc. Mine was the same and once he started school he didn't want me near him and ran in every day.

I'd agree that it's too soon to say he won't settle. We took DS out of nursery and swapped to a childminder because months down the line he really wasn't settling in nursery and it was just too busy for him. I didn't like it at the time but I had to give it a fair try.

OP. Look at your photo memories on the phone. Look at your child 2-3 months ago. How different do they look now? You will never have them full time to yourself again, ever. Once they start schools - that's it. Even the time during the school holidays will seem to pass fast.

Our nursery days used to be: wake up, rush to get out of the door. Check the Bub's day via uploaded nursery photos. Home, dinner, bed. Repeat.

Now my 19 months old stays at home with me, we have slow mornings, I decide what to do that day, we sometimes cuddle on the sofa watching TV, or we go to the beach 3 times a day; there's no rush. I cook different meals, we travel to so many activities: the zoo, the museum, playgrounds. He does something new everyday and it makes me feel so happy that I get to see it all.

The kids are too young for nursery at this age: they can't even speak, they can't even go to the toilet by themselves. They're completely dependant on mum. Yes many posters will tell you that 'their kids love nursery', but humans can adapt to pretty much anything. Those kids were just made to adapt. Mine eventually adapted and loved nursery too. But I wholeheartedly think that he's happier now that I've pulled him out.

It's completely fine to send them to nursery if you have to work (my mum sent me at 8 months and I'm totally fine), but you're in a fortunate position to enjoy those adorable first years.

(I did start an online Master's degree PT to keep up with my industry so that my career doesn't suffer. It's been doable when DH takes our son out without me).

Can’t believe the amount of parent shamers on here saying 2 is too young for nursery. It has provided such a great alternative environment for my son and they do things i’m completely unaware of or wouldn’t think of doing. My son settled in amazingly. And some/most of us have to work.

Oh stop with the guilt tripping. Once your son is older you will be glad to see him off to nursery. Maybe also OP might like a little time to herself?

Agree with this. Some children find it unsettling to be at a nursery where others are full time, and they’re only a short time. A playgroup or pre school he could be in the same boat as others.

@WithACatLikeTread and @MariaVT65 I don't think people on here are trying to shame working mothers who use nursery at all. Instead there are a lot of measured responses merely pointing out that if the OP doesn't need to use nursery than it's better not to. A child that young will benefit more from being with a primary caregiver than a nursery setting. That is not the same as saying nursery is bad for children. Nobody has said that. I think your defensiveness says more about your own feelings about this issue than anything the PPs have actually said

Two year olds can take a while to settle away from their parents so you'd need to give it a few weeks.

Children most enjoy nursery from around three as they know their parent will come back and they are far more sociable with their peers.

If he doesn't need to go to nursery then I would just keep him at home and do what you normally do.
When it was time for my daughter to start school nursery when she was 3 she just skipped in and she was ready.
She understood that she was going to nursery who her teacher was going to be and she as very excited.
I think around the 2 year old mark she wouldn't have any benefit from nursery and was happy to go to playgroups etc she was looked after by my mam one day a week and sometimes my MIL one day and she was happy with that xx

@sexnotgenders You must be reading a different thread then.

My child isn't actually in nursery as we manage to work around without paying for childcare but I would have no guilt doing so. My eldest loved nursery.

Plus OP's child has speech delays. I don't think staying at home is a good idea with that in mind.

Then at school nursery she only went on a Wednesday afternoon, then 9-3 Thursday and Friday and even having the long gap from the Friday till the Wednesday didn't affect her.

Yes try again in6 months, he is not ready. School is a long way off.

I'd wait if you're happy for him to stay with you for a bit longer. I don't see the point in forcing him to go if it isn't necessary.

@MariaVT65 I haven't saw any parent shamers. Everyone has different choices they may make for their children and their families. You chose nursery at 2.
I work shift work so nights/weekends and only 1 (at the most 2 days during the week) for childcare! I can go 2 days in a row and not see my daughter awake due to shifts and my daughter went to nursery at 3......
completely different if my job consisted of working Monday to Friday 9-5.

All I'm seeing is different opinions.
Have a look into research..nursery has no extra benefits prior to the age of 3/3.5. It's not better or worse for them to go to nursery or stay at home. It states that it doesn't provide any additional benefit to children.

Actually research says first 1000 days with their primary caregiver is critical. But yes, some people do have to work and also some children might prefer nursery, I agree often it may be better for them than being with a parent who doesn't do much. It's not to say it's the best thing for a young child especially for long extended hours. In this case it sounds like it's better for OP to keep her child home for longer if she can

You could just try short days or even a different nursery (I visited many and they all had different vibes, I went with a smaller one with high teacher ratios rather than all bells and whistles but didn't seem to have a very personal touch)

I have known children that age sometimes take a month to settle, generally the more time they have there the quicker they settle, though that is hard. Unless he gets time with the key workers to form bonds he will struggle a bit. Totally up to you if you pull out and try again, I've known 4 year olds go to school having never done nursery and be okay, but you'd have to start leaving him with others (family/friends with kids for a half hour etc) to get him used to it

Nursery will help the school transition as once at school it's 30 children all day with limited adult support compared to a nursery - doesn't mean you can't delay/not do nursery, but I think worth working on leaving him one way or another in the meantime

You haven't socialised him enough.

I actually think it’s a little unusual to continue crying and be collected early. LOADS cry at drop off, then they get distracted until there’s a few tears on collection. It’s pretty rare to ask for collection. I’d leave it on this basis for a while, it sounds too much.
3 of my 5 stayed at home pre-school. It did not impact them getting ready to be independent at all. In fact they were confident as anything once old enough.

Sounds exactly like my daughter when she first started. It took her maybe a couple of months to get fully settled in and used to the idea of nursery but once she did there was no stopping her.

Over a year down the line she’s thriving and getting ready to start school in august.

When these kids are 10 years old, i doubt any of you could tell which ones went to nursery at 2 and which ones didn’t.

You know bugger all of my feelings then lol. I have no guilt sending my son to nursery, it has been fantastic for him and he loves it there.

Also, there is literally a poster on this thread calling the idea of a small child going to nursery as ‘abhorrent’ which Op also called out. So please don’t gaslight me.