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AIBU?

Wearing the ex girlfriend's engagement ring

68 replies

Absolutement · 15/01/2024 05:05

I've name changed for this as I don't want it linked to other posts.

Back story (and sorry if it's long, I'm a waffler).

I began dating a fella, fell pregnant, and now a few years later we are getting married. Now, this isn't a story of true love bringing us together; we are working really hard at our relationship to create a family which neither of us had envisioned, but we dote on our kids and want this to work. We are both in our 40s so we come with some baggage, and I think it's fair to say that we have both previously experienced 'The One' - although obviously they weren't as we didn't end up with them permanently! We are pretty level headed about our situation though; we aren't living the life we had once assumed, but we are embracing the life that we have been given. Not hugely romantic, maybe one day this won't be enough to sustain us, but for now, I love my family and can find happiness and contentment here.

On to my question.

Prior to meeting me, my fella had been about to propose to his 'One' - their relationship had been faltering a bit, I think his buying the ring was a genuine (not controlling) attempt to get it back on an even keel, he loved her but for her I think it was over. Anyway, he didn't get the chance to propose, they split up, he now had a spare engagement and wedding ring.

Fast forward to now, I have a gorgeous ring of my own on my finger, we're about to get married, all is good. I knew he hadn't got round to getting rid of the old engagement ring, I don't think out of any sentimental reasons, just been too busy with kids! We discussed it today, I asked to look at it, and it was gorgeous. Not as nice as mine, and not my style, so I wasn't jealous at all. But it's so pretty and sparkly 😆 He was planning on selling it, but also said if I wanted it I could, and now I'm thinking...

AIBU if I keep and wear another woman's rejected engagement ring? Is that weird? Creepy? I'd wear it on my other hand, middle finger, it's a single diamond on a gold band, so engagement-y but not overly so. Will it be a reminder to him of a lost love, even if he's moved on from that part of his life? Will it be a reminder to me too, for that matter, of my own history and expectations. Basically, will this ring be a curse, or is it just a pretty piece of jewellery and I should stop overthinking!

Curious to hear opinions.

OP posts:
Amyjones86 · 15/01/2024 05:13

If it were me, I’d wear it.

he didn’t actually propose to her so she never wore it. That would make it weird for me. As she didn’t wear it, I’d go for it and wear it for a bit. If you find it too strange or if he doesn’t like it then sell it. To me, it’s just jewellery. Wear and enjoy I say!

Singingasong · 15/01/2024 05:14

I would hate that.

Mumof2teens79 · 15/01/2024 05:16

If he never proposed it wasn't rejected
If you like it, wear it.
But you said its not your style?
And why did he also have a wedding ring?

WandaWonder · 15/01/2024 05:18

I never had an engagement ring and no never wanted one, so I don't see the drama around them, if I liked the ring I would wear if not I wouldnt

a wedding can happen without an engagement ring though

Kitkatcatflap · 15/01/2024 05:19

Well it wasn't rejected was it, she didn't even know she was going to get the ring if they split up before he could propose. But it will always have those associations to his ex - not necessarily for him but for you. I don't believe he would have a stab of regret every time your sparkler caught the sunlight - the average man doesn't really think like that.

If it was me - I would sell the ex's ring and get a new ring. Yes he will loose money, but it doesn't have to be a new ring. It's a new start. I would go for a moissanite next time around. Move your nice ring to the other hand. Job done.

Good luck OP

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2024 05:29

I’d keep it of you don’t need the money. You’ll lose money selling it. Alternatively if you do sell it, you could use the money to upgrade your ring.

Absolutement · 15/01/2024 05:30

Thanks :) Yeah, I have mixed feelings which is reflected in some of the replies. Selling it and getting a nice piece of furniture for our new house is probably more my style to be honest, I've never been a fancy ring kinda gal, but it was just so sparkly that it stopped me in my tracks!

I think I'll do as @Amyjones86 suggests and wear it for a bit and see how I feel. I mean, it isn't my usual style as in I've never had a diamond ring to wear and I'm usually drawn to vintage or costume jewellery (when I can get them over my chubby un-manicured fingers, that is). But maybe it'll inspire me to have more elegant hands too
😆

OP posts:
Kwam31 · 15/01/2024 05:36

Sell it and buy something h you choose.

Myhubbyisasweetheart · 15/01/2024 05:39

I wouldn't wear it in case it reminds him of her

WandaWonder · 15/01/2024 05:56

Myhubbyisasweetheart · 15/01/2024 05:39

I wouldn't wear it in case it reminds him of her

So he would not think of her until he saw the ring then think 'oops how could I forget?'

user1492757084 · 15/01/2024 06:08

He was possibly just being kind to you and doesn't really value it but didn't keep it for you.
Treat it as an asset.
Maybe your son might like it to alter for his future bride.
I think I would leave it for the next generation.

Copperoliverbear · 15/01/2024 06:09

I'd think it might be bad luck.

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 06:11

Let him sell it. Don't be greedy. This ring was destined for his other love and bought with her in mind.

Muchof · 15/01/2024 06:29

You don’t need this ring in your life, let him sell it.

LenaLamont · 15/01/2024 06:32

It’s just jewellery. If you like it, wear it.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 15/01/2024 06:36

Oooo interesting.

My first thought was yeh just wear it. But I dunno, I think I'd feel weird about it. Maybe not all the time, but occasionally. I think that's just natural.

Toomanysquishmallows · 15/01/2024 06:41

I would let him sell it

quisensoucie · 15/01/2024 06:44

Sell it. Enjoy the spoils

JustAnotherKingCnut · 15/01/2024 06:46

Jewellery never fetches anywhere near its original value when sold. If I didn't want to wear it as a ring, I'd think about having the diamond set in something else, like a necklace.

NewYearNewPyjamas · 15/01/2024 07:19

If he gave it to you with no choice, it would be weird. If you've looked at it and decided you like it, it's perfectly fine. So go for it. There will be no curse.

Passingthethyme · 15/01/2024 07:21

I definitely wouldn't wear that, bad history and vibes. I'd not even eat to try it on (may have watched too many horror movies)

TheDuck2018 · 15/01/2024 07:25

Not a chance I'd wear it....why would I want a symbol of his love for somebody else on my finger. I'd sell it.

BeadedBubbles · 15/01/2024 07:28

TheDuck2018 · 15/01/2024 07:25

Not a chance I'd wear it....why would I want a symbol of his love for somebody else on my finger. I'd sell it.

I agree

PaperDoves · 15/01/2024 07:32

If he had actually proposed then no, I wouldn't wear it, but given that he just bought it and no proposal happened then yeah, I would! Unless it's a very valuable ring it likely won't be worth selling.

Quitelikeacatslife · 15/01/2024 07:32

Sell it and get necklace or earrings to match your taste to wear at wedding

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