Wearing the ex girlfriend's engagement ring

[Absolutement]

I've name changed for this as I don't want it linked to other posts.

Back story (and sorry if it's long, I'm a waffler).

I began dating a fella, fell pregnant, and now a few years later we are getting married. Now, this isn't a story of true love bringing us together; we are working really hard at our relationship to create a family which neither of us had envisioned, but we dote on our kids and want this to work. We are both in our 40s so we come with some baggage, and I think it's fair to say that we have both previously experienced 'The One' - although obviously they weren't as we didn't end up with them permanently! We are pretty level headed about our situation though; we aren't living the life we had once assumed, but we are embracing the life that we have been given. Not hugely romantic, maybe one day this won't be enough to sustain us, but for now, I love my family and can find happiness and contentment here.

On to my question.

Prior to meeting me, my fella had been about to propose to his 'One' - their relationship had been faltering a bit, I think his buying the ring was a genuine (not controlling) attempt to get it back on an even keel, he loved her but for her I think it was over. Anyway, he didn't get the chance to propose, they split up, he now had a spare engagement and wedding ring.

Fast forward to now, I have a gorgeous ring of my own on my finger, we're about to get married, all is good. I knew he hadn't got round to getting rid of the old engagement ring, I don't think out of any sentimental reasons, just been too busy with kids! We discussed it today, I asked to look at it, and it was gorgeous. Not as nice as mine, and not my style, so I wasn't jealous at all. But it's so pretty and sparkly 😆 He was planning on selling it, but also said if I wanted it I could, and now I'm thinking...

AIBU if I keep and wear another woman's rejected engagement ring? Is that weird? Creepy? I'd wear it on my other hand, middle finger, it's a single diamond on a gold band, so engagement-y but not overly so. Will it be a reminder to him of a lost love, even if he's moved on from that part of his life? Will it be a reminder to me too, for that matter, of my own history and expectations. Basically, will this ring be a curse, or is it just a pretty piece of jewellery and I should stop overthinking!

Curious to hear opinions.

This

Sell it!

This is not an item you want to wear daily.

Fresh start and good luck with your marriage .

I wouldn't want it.

I think it's admirable how unjealous and pragmatic you are genuinely. It's lovely to see!

I'd probably get the ring valued as a first port of call, to see what you could get by selling it and if you could get anything new with the money.

If it turns out to have a resale value that is too low to use to buy anything as nice as the ring itself, and you like the ring itself, then you're better off with the ring aren't you! Alternatively you might find something else you can buy that you like even more with the money. You can't know until you know its resale value.

I probably also would not want to keep it for your children, or for them to use as a future ring, as it is carries a history of a broken relationship.

I think it's the intent it was bought with. You can't deny history. It's cool if you're cool with it tho. Good luck to you both on your journey.

If I loved the ring I’d wear it. Makes no sense to me that some people would be bothered by it. It’s his ring. He never gave it to anyone else and you like it 🤷

Don’t over think it! If you like it, it’s pretty and sparkly then just wear it when you feel like it. You don’t usually get a good deal on resale so it’s just a bonus piece of jewellery (especially if you’re just experimenting with diamonds).

On the other hand, IF it’s worth thousands, then sell it 😊

It sounds like it's a diamond ring and yours is costume so you feel a pang? Maybe you opt for the sensible choice for yourself thinking that's all you deserve and convince yourself you're happy with that?

You don't need someone else's ring on your finger and have to explain to people where it came from. Get rid of it.

I also don't get why your boyfriend had a wedding ring with it?

Thinking about what you say about your usual style but feeling tempted by the diamond. The personal history aside, it sounds as if this ring really is a bit too conventional for you in the long run. Soo.. have you ever come across jewelery made from raw diamonds? Might be much more your thing. There's this place in Denmark that had utterly gorgeous rings, but there may be others closer to home and a bit more modest in range. Might even be worth asking a local goldsmith about.

https://roughdiamondsjewellery.com/collections/rings

I really like those.

BTW diamond has really shit resale value.... you are not likely to get a huge amount for it unless its an exceptional stone.

Seeing as you’ve identified that you often settle for ‘second best’ maybe you could sell it and get a different ring or piece of jewellery, that reminds you that you deserve first best and encourages you every time you see it?
that could also work with the bit of unique vintage furniture you mentioned, too. It’s more about the message to yourself, and being able to let yourself be reminded of your worth daily (and accept it, don’t do yourself down, I do this so I get it but I’m working on less “meh this is just how it is for me” and more “hell yeah, I’m raising the bar for myself and why should I accept Less Than”
best of luck op you sound very self aware and capable and cool. Even if your inner magpie did try to sidetrack you, those damn sparkles!

I couldn’t wear it. He bought with his ex in mind.

I'd either selll it and use the money first something nice for you all or get it reset and wear it

You get about 10% of the retail price for selling jewellery. It's rarely worth enough to bother unless you really hate the item

I would get it refashioned into something else. Maybe a pendant?

Love this. Yes! It's all sort of tied up, the deeper I unravel my thoughts on it, so it'll be a no to the ring, yes to some sort of verbal affirmation that I'm enough (maybe some with some sort of fist pump gesture to go with it) and it'll go on something cool that I'll have helped choose for our house. Thanks ☺️

Thanks to everyone for your comments. This was weirdly cathartic and I delved more deeply into my feelings about self than I had anticipated! We're going to value it, and even if it's not a lot, it can still go on something that I have had some input in, furniture or an object that we can enjoy in the house.

Now, as for the relationship / feeling second best / settling for someone who isn't the 'one' issues, that will be the topic of another mumsnet post down the line, perhaps. For now, I shall continue on this journey with optimism and vigour and a new furniture item 😆