To put ds back in nappies against advice?

[Averygoodhorserider]

If you say to DS (3 and 1/4) to come for a wee, he always does. And he seems able to hold on between wees. As long as you’re fairly regular with taking him to the toilet.

Without this, he doesn’t go independently and he is still pooing his pants.

I am finding it very stressful, the laundry is awful. I spoke to HV who said not to put him back in nappies but AIBU to think it’s just not working?

Really! He’s over 3, no way should he go back in nappies.

Problem is @maddiemookins16mum hes just really using pants as a nappy.

I hate toilet training !

He’s been with his dad this morning and he isn’t as good at taking him as me and so we’ve had two wet accidents and two poo.

DH training as well as child training needed?
If dad was the one that had to clear up after the accidents on his watch, he'd probably get better at taking him to the loo.

Hi op :)

I posted a bit of a similar issue last week and was told to keep going. But actually we have put our son back in pull ups.

My son is 3.3y and he is also still not telling us when he needs a wee or poo. He is not even telling us when he has DONE a poo in his pants or nappy.

Everyone on here was telling me to keep going, but my HV said we already have too much going on (I have a newborn), it’s ok if they are not ready, and to try again in a few months when the weather is warmer.

Our current situation is now that he is in pants at nursery but being sat on the toilet for ages, still isn’t asking to go for a wee. At home we have him in a pull up and asking him to go on potty/toilet but he often says no and I also don’t get a chance to tell him as much as I should.

He also doesn’t care about reward charts.

My son was an absolute pain to potty train. Tried once the summer before he turned 3 and it was a complete write off. Zero interest. Complete refusal to sit on the potty/toilet. Then a few weeks after his third birthday he decided he was going to use the toilets at nursery we and was dry pretty much instantly, including at night. But, he pooed in paints for around another 7 or so months. It honestly drove me bloody mental. I threw so many shitty pairs of pants away. He just wouldn't sit on the potty/toilet to poo. He knew when he was going as he used to slope off to hide. Then, just as with wees, one day he decided he was going to use the toilet and that was it.
My son is stubborn. The more we pushed my son the more he resisted so we just didn't make it a bit deal in the ended and it happened. It was shit - pun intended - at the time but now it's a distant memory! He's five now and would be mortified if I reminded him that he used to poo in pants!
My daughter in contrast trained in a week at 2 and half.

I would put him back in nappies for a while. Wait for summer when it's easier with the washing and try again.
I had similar problems with my DS at a similar age, left it for 6 months tried again and he was reliably dry in 3 days.

Thanks @MariaVT65

It sounds similar. I don’t give Ds a yes or no, just let’s go for a wee and he does. But without that he just wets himself. I’m worried I’m messing it up!

Sorry I’ve NRTFT.

I would be very careful about putting him back into nappies.

The only way most kids learn to toilet train, is when the nappies are removed completely.

If you put him back into nappies and say that it’s ok for him to mess himself, then that is going to confuse him even more.

I do not envy your struggle at all but I think you’ll be making a rod for your own back if you go backwards, after all your hard work.

Perhaps you could try swimming pants or period type pants, which may protect the trousers and make cleaning up a lot easier and cheaper.

Same issue here at 3.5. Turned out he was scared of pooing on the toilet. We've now got into a routine of him pooing in a nappy before pre-school each morning (they don't allow nappies), then he goes into pants. If he needs a poo ant other time he will tell us and we'll give him a 'nappy or potty?' option. He never ever goes at pre-school anymore, thankfully. This isn't a permanent solution but is working for now!

Don’t worry. I’m sure both of them will get it eventually, maybe in a few months.

There seems to be a lot parent shaming on here if you have a kid who is 3 and not potty trained. I believe the research I’ve seen though is that it’s more common/normal for it to set in any time before 4.

This weather is tricky as well. I took my son out for a walk to the swings the other week and tried him in pants, he weed himself. I refuse to take a potty out with me and make him use it outside in -1c weather. So now he goes out in a pull up until he starts learning to hold it in.

We had this. I used pull ups and praised anything on the potty but didn’t sweat it if the pull up was used. One night he refused a nappy - hysterical crying. He was clean and dry from that point on.

It should not be this difficult . It does not sound like he is ready, and if he is not ready then you can't really "train" him to get him ready earlier. I would put him back in nappies or pull ups and try again in a few weeks. At some point he will get it.

I tried at around 3 with my 1st born. He went reliably on potty before. Within 24 hours he started weeing and pooing himself. I stopped, went back to nappies and tried again 2 months later. He was fine then. My 2nd i tried around the same time, she was more determined. But i listened more to her i guess. I think once they are ready they are fine, even if it is a bit later. I'd put nappies back on for how and try again in a few weeks!

To add, I wouldn't have pushed it if he didn't seem ready, but felt under pressure due to him starting a nappyfree pre-school. I would have waited otherwise.

Don’t put him back in nappies! He knows he’s pooing, you say - he’s doing well then. You just need to crack this last bit. It’s a case of repeat, repeat, repeat.

We watched an old children’s programme about sewage complete with a daft song. The basic message is “Poos go down the loo”. If you’re using a potty, maybe try one of those insert toilet seats. Give him plenty of time. Read to him, sit with him - whatever you think would work best. I told my DC that poos took longer because they had to come from further up (yes, yes, I know that’s not true) and that they then got down to your bum where they wanted to go out and carryon their exciting poo journey to the sewage works. I said they needed help (pushing) to come out, and that if you pooed in your pants, the poos got all squashed and this wasn’t good.

Once he does it once, he’ll get the idea. Put him on the loo around the time he normally poos. Explain why he’s there and go through the poo story. Some children like you to stay, some don’t. Use your judgement. Promise a nice immediate reward for a ‘happy poo’ in the loo. Buy this in advance (eg some Duplo) and put it away so you can produce it immediately.

Problem is he has no time for pooing. It could be any time of the day, sometimes once, sometimes twice, sometimes more than twice (not a lot but not unheard of!)

My DS was like this and after about 3 months of it we went back to nappies for a couple of weeks then did the Oh Crap method. It was a horrendous first day and then he got it. It was like a reset for him. He now knew what it felt like to need to pee. I would recommend it. I didn't have him naked from the waist down just in pants. I couldn't face his bare bum on my couches! He was 3 and a half.

Ok so that’s your motivator. Make the accident take agessss. I’ll confess that I stuck mine in the shower after every poo accident. 3 days and done; he realised it was quicker to go on the potty.

My son is also 3 1/4. We finally started potty training just before his 3rd birthday, as he wasn’t ready before. It went ok with me telling him for about 6 weeks then he just started wetting himself constantly. I spoke with nursery and they suggested going back to pull ups which I did for a couple of weeks, though still encouraging him to use the toilet. Since then he’s been much better with wees.

However, he has done 1 poo on the potty this whole time and that was only with me seeing him about to go and putting him on, which lead to lots of tears. We’ve done the poo goes to pooland app, sticker charts, chocolate rewards etc but nothing seems to be working- and he’s now going 2-3 days in between. I don’t want to cause a fear in him but I’m also getting tired of the laundry and chucking dirty pants!

So please know that you’re not alone!

Hmm, I tried to encourage mine to have a time (or two) to try. Mornings were good, or maybe after we’d had our walk. If he has no regular time, then choose a suitable time and simply put him on the loo and explain why. If he doesn’t go, leave it a while and try again.

If he doesn’t go on the loo but then poos his pants 20 mins later, carry him up to the bathroom, wipe him off and put him on the loo. He probably won’t be able to do any more, but it builds up the association. Also, watch him like a hawk. Most children have signs, eg standing behind the sofa, looking like they’re concentrating hard, etc etc. When you spot that, grab him and whisk him upstairs to the loo. Keep all this positive and be persistent. You have to be persistent and then suddenly he’ll get it. When he does a poo in the loo, big it up massively! Tell him how grown-up he is, phone Granny/Grandad/Auntie so he can tell her/him (pre-warn her to act very excited) and his daddy too.

Yeah i’m not getting this whole ‘try and make him go at a certain time of day’. I don’t as an adult!

Same! It's very low tech, but kids like it and it works

Don’t go back to nappies, my son started at 3, probably about 5 months to get reliably dry during the day (ironically dry at night from day one!). Poos were awful, he has just turned five and only now have I started seeing pooped pants on the floor unusual. I worried, he was my first and my friends all had girls, he was later starting and took ages to fully get it. The I met his nursery group, all boys, all cared little about wearing weed and popped pants. Some parent went back to nappies and it took longer and they still have challenges at school.

However even now, he still has to be convinced to go to the toilet sometimes. Good luck and he will get it.

Thanks. No I don’t either @MariaVT65

Girls do seem to mostly get the hang of it a bit faster.

Has he asked to use the toilet himself? I never did any reward charts etc (find it a bit weird getting excited or being given a reward for a normal bodily function, tbh!) I just waited til they asked to go and both picked it up pretty quickly. He just might no be ready yet.