I have been married for nearly 11 years now.
We have 3 children together all under the ages of 9.
Now husband and me have been quite argumentative recently and maybe just sort of hit a plateau in our relationship. I imagine this happens in most marriages/long term relationships at some points.
Anyway we were just conversing as normal and he told me that his brother and his wife are expecting a baby in a few months and his newly married sister is expecting a baby too. I replied happily to that news as it’s something to be celebrated.
So anyway as we were conversing he said to me “shame we’re not pregnant” and I sensed he was telling me of their pregnancies in a comparison sort of way which I found weird. This isn’t the comment I can’t move on from though. That comes further down.
A few days earlier I went out with a few female friends and as I was sat in car before setting off to go out, I was looking for my eyeliner which dropped next to passenger seat therefore I pushed the seat back looking for it before I set off to drive. I didn’t end up pushing the seat back to its original position because I was in a rush and didn't think anything of this.
When I came back home (he was at home with the kids) he then quickly nipped out used our car and accused me of having met up with a guy that evening because the seat was pushed back very far and that guys usually sit like that. (I met up with my female friends that evening).
It was late in the evening and I was tired and couldn’t be bothered to entertain an argument with him.
Now we move on to the bit that I can’t move past. He said “whoever it is, he can have you as your tubes are no good anyway”. Tubes as in fallopian tubes. He decided to sleep downstairs that night. I was in shock but had to prioritise sleep as I had work the next morning.
I have had 3 children with this man. 1st birth was traumatic and ended up in an emergency c section where I was put to sleep. 2nd birth I had to be induced and have an episiotomy but managed a vaginal birth. 3rd birth was straightforward vaginal birth but baby was very big at 9lb 11oz and I struggled with severe pelvic girdle pain throughout that pregnancy. In between them pregnancies I had 4 miscarriages. I also had an ectopic pregnancy in my right tube which burst whilst I was at work one day and had to have it removed via an emergency operation , I was bleeding internally and could have died. Bad luck happened a few months after my initial ectopic pregnancy as I then had another ectopic pregnancy in my left tube but they luckily managed to save that tube but it is scarred and I had to have surgery again to remove that pregnancy.
The consultant told me I have a very low chance of ever getting pregnant naturally and that it could result in a 3rd ectopic pregnancy and if I ever wanted to have more children it would most likely have to be via IVF which I would have to fund myself.
The ectopic pregnancies happened after I had my 3rd child so it’s not like I didn’t want to have more kids. We tried and unfortunately I ended up having 2 back to back ectopics.
Since the comments from him the only conversations I have been having with him is regarding the kids and anything important.
Our youngest is 2 years old nearly 3 and i have found life quite tough since she was born as she has been a challenging child, however she seems to be a lot more happier recently. I won’t go into too much detail about her.
I have said to him a number of times that I don’t want anymore kids unfortunately due to everything I have been through fertility wise, the toll it’s had on my body and generally enjoying the stage the older two kids are in because they can do a lot for themselves.
He has never been able to accept that I said I don’t want anymore kids and I said that’s fine but unfortunately sometimes life events happen that’s out of our control and makes people reflect and for me these are one of them situations. I have told him he is very ungrateful for the things he already has in his life.
He has for a while now been saying little comments here and there of ohh “we could have had another baby by now” or “oh what’s the point of you having periods if you don’t want anymore kids”. Things like that which I find disgusting.
Again this is one of them situations where the kids love their dad to bits and it would break their heart if we separated. I on the other hand can’t really look at him the same after the “your tubes are no good anyway”
He has since apologised but it was half hearted apology and said that he “crossed a line”. He’s like iv done my bit by apologising.
AIBU to not move past what he said to me? And would this be the end of your relationship if this happened to you?