Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he might be a red flag…

69 replies

Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 12:54

A guy at work had been off for a while now. I’ve been a bit busy and I wanted to message him but I was a bit unsure as I didn’t want to bother him seeing as he was off work.

Last night be texted me saying “oh great” (not hi or how are you to start a convo like a normal person would) I said “erm? Problem” he went “no nothing. It’s just you’ve been the one that’s been super quiet over the last 3 weeks and haven’t messaged” so I said “look, I didn’t really know if you wanted to hear off me or just wanted space. I couldn’t really figure it out” then he later said he was “disappointed I hadn’t said anything” and I was like “well some people like to be left alone. Not that deep”

So then, the convo carried on. And he said something about someone using his office desk space and said “Its my space but I don’t care anymore about what they do.” So I said “what do you mean you don’t care. Where are you planning on sitting at work. On the roof”

Later on he said I’m often a bit “irritated” with him. So I said “I think you’re being dramatic and I’m not tolerating that because it’s not true at all” then suddenly he went “well no I’m saying you’re not always like that” so my response was “I don’t care, I’m not having you tell me about what I’m like when you barely even know me” the convo then carried on.

But I don’t know….are these red flags. I’m starting to think they could be. Either that or he’s super needy.

TLDR: are these red flags from this guy. The conversation is stressing me out and I’m wondering if I’m the problem or him.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 14/01/2024 12:57

Is he a colleague or somebody you’re dating? If you’re dating then it’s not unreasonable for him to be upset that you haven’t been in touch for three weeks. If you think he’s just a colleague then it’s clear he wants it to be more and you need to put him straight. Do either of you know what’s actually going on? You just don’t sound like compatible people, really.

TheLogicalSong · 14/01/2024 12:59

Is this your boyfriend or just a colleague?

AhBiscuits · 14/01/2024 13:00

Why are you even talking to some rando from work. Do you want to hook up with him?

Alcyoneus · 14/01/2024 13:02

Is this how you converse with all your work colleagues. With such sarcasm. Very weird and not all professional. What a strange thread.

Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 13:13

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/01/2024 12:57

Is he a colleague or somebody you’re dating? If you’re dating then it’s not unreasonable for him to be upset that you haven’t been in touch for three weeks. If you think he’s just a colleague then it’s clear he wants it to be more and you need to put him straight. Do either of you know what’s actually going on? You just don’t sound like compatible people, really.

Edited

We work together and flirt and I spend a fair bit of time in his office. But nonetheless. I was a bit confused at his abruptness.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/01/2024 13:15

I can't work out why you're sending messages to one another.

youcandanceifyouwanna · 14/01/2024 13:16

If he's just a colleague then I'm not sure why you are texting him. It's really odd behaviour from you. Just talk to him at work about work related things and leave it at that.

MaggieNextDoor · 14/01/2024 13:17

If he is merely a colleague who is off sick, then I wouldn't read too much into this messaging. It sounds like you want him to be more than a colleague though?

TheShellBeach · 14/01/2024 13:17

When you say he's been "off" do you mean "off work" or "off" as in bad tempered/moody?

LightSwerve · 14/01/2024 13:17

This doesn't sound much fun for either of you. Your messages do seem quite confrontational.

youcandanceifyouwanna · 14/01/2024 13:17

Oh and if you want to be more than just a colleague ask him if he wants to go on a date. You're adults.

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 13:18

He sounds like Very Hard Work.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/01/2024 13:19

Whoever he is he's acting like a spoilt bitch. Id leave well alone.

TheShellBeach · 14/01/2024 13:19

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 13:18

He sounds like Very Hard Work.

Yes.
And you're not even going out with him.

ItsMeNotTheProblem · 14/01/2024 13:20

Red flag for what? Not to date him?

Hiddenvoice · 14/01/2024 13:21

This all seems a bit odd. If you want to be a bit more than colleagues then he was probably expecting you to reach out to him. Seems like he’s trying to say that sometimes you can be a bit short with him.

If you’re just colleagues and that’s all you want it to
be then I’d just send a couple of polite messages saying hope he’s okay and then you’ll chat when he returns.

Didimum · 14/01/2024 13:21

He sounds like a passive aggressive flouncer

ronoi · 14/01/2024 13:24

If someone randomly text me 'oh great' then proceed to have a go at me for not messaging then they would get met with a firm fuck off.

Olika · 14/01/2024 13:26

Too much drama.

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 13:26

ronoi · 14/01/2024 13:24

If someone randomly text me 'oh great' then proceed to have a go at me for not messaging then they would get met with a firm fuck off.

Imagine just out of the blue messaging a colleague with a passive aggressive ‘oh great’ to try to force them to find out what your boggle is?

Fuck off is polite for responding to that.

Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 13:36

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 13:26

Imagine just out of the blue messaging a colleague with a passive aggressive ‘oh great’ to try to force them to find out what your boggle is?

Fuck off is polite for responding to that.

I’m I said “and your problem is…” what stresses me out is the fact that he thinks I owe him something. I’ll be honest I have flirted with him a lot at work so yes it’s a bit more than just a colleague. But what I don’t like is the unnecessary attitude.

OP posts:
Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 13:37

Hiddenvoice · 14/01/2024 13:21

This all seems a bit odd. If you want to be a bit more than colleagues then he was probably expecting you to reach out to him. Seems like he’s trying to say that sometimes you can be a bit short with him.

If you’re just colleagues and that’s all you want it to
be then I’d just send a couple of polite messages saying hope he’s okay and then you’ll chat when he returns.

It is a bit more than colleagues. I’ll admit. But the attitude isn’t welcomed round here with me. And I told him that.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/01/2024 13:39

Have you been going out with him?

SusieSussex · 14/01/2024 13:39

Your messages seem quite aggressive

Jennyjojo5 · 14/01/2024 13:39

Tbh you both sound like red flags to one another. Doesn’t seem like a great start to anything

Swipe left for the next trending thread