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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he might be a red flag…

69 replies

Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 12:54

A guy at work had been off for a while now. I’ve been a bit busy and I wanted to message him but I was a bit unsure as I didn’t want to bother him seeing as he was off work.

Last night be texted me saying “oh great” (not hi or how are you to start a convo like a normal person would) I said “erm? Problem” he went “no nothing. It’s just you’ve been the one that’s been super quiet over the last 3 weeks and haven’t messaged” so I said “look, I didn’t really know if you wanted to hear off me or just wanted space. I couldn’t really figure it out” then he later said he was “disappointed I hadn’t said anything” and I was like “well some people like to be left alone. Not that deep”

So then, the convo carried on. And he said something about someone using his office desk space and said “Its my space but I don’t care anymore about what they do.” So I said “what do you mean you don’t care. Where are you planning on sitting at work. On the roof”

Later on he said I’m often a bit “irritated” with him. So I said “I think you’re being dramatic and I’m not tolerating that because it’s not true at all” then suddenly he went “well no I’m saying you’re not always like that” so my response was “I don’t care, I’m not having you tell me about what I’m like when you barely even know me” the convo then carried on.

But I don’t know….are these red flags. I’m starting to think they could be. Either that or he’s super needy.

TLDR: are these red flags from this guy. The conversation is stressing me out and I’m wondering if I’m the problem or him.

OP posts:
BlueGrey1 · 14/01/2024 16:40

@LenaLamont

totally agree that she is indeed the red flag
but she seems to be so lacking in self awareness that she seems incapable of seeing this,

14Times · 14/01/2024 16:41

Are you both very young OP? The whole exchange sounds like it’s between a pair of stroppy teenagers

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 16:46

Beenaboutabit · 14/01/2024 13:42

Your messages seem like more like red flags to me than his messages, at least in the context you’ve shared. I’d find them very confrontational.

You don’t think starting the conversation with a passive aggressive ‘oh great’ out of nowhere is confrontational?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 14/01/2024 16:57

I hope you aren't working in the communications sector.

This all appears very childish and needlessly agreesive on both sides. You seem ever much a red flag as he does.

StragglyTinsel · 14/01/2024 16:58

Pedantically people aren’t themselves ‘red flags’. Red flags are the signs that they’re wrong-uns.

So the generally aggressive and terrible communication described by the OP is a red flag about the quality of any relationship they might have.

MadAboutThat · 14/01/2024 17:07

The whole thing is a massive red flag but... When and what was the last message between you guys before the 'oh great'?

Lilllypad11 · 14/01/2024 17:19

MadAboutThat · 14/01/2024 17:07

The whole thing is a massive red flag but... When and what was the last message between you guys before the 'oh great'?

The last message was like 3 weeks before and just about work being so busy and hectic.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 14/01/2024 17:25

You both sound like annoying children.

AllAroundMyCat · 14/01/2024 17:35

I may be wrong but aren't you the plaster who's previously banged on about this office flirtation that you're convinced no one knows about ( oh they do!) and have been worried about wrong signals from him?

Either way, from what you've posted here, neither of you smell of roses .

AllAroundMyCat · 14/01/2024 17:40

Poster not plaster

StockpotSoup · 15/01/2024 00:41

He sounds passive aggressive. You just sound aggressive. Stay away from one another - it’s one long argument waiting to happen.

happytobee · 16/01/2024 00:46

this whole exchange just made me actually laugh out loud for the first time in ages, i have nothing constructive to add but it sounds like you both love the drama

HowNice23 · 16/01/2024 00:57

Tie a balloon to this one and let it go. You're in the wrong key, bashing up against each other in simple chat. It would only get worse if you spend more time together.

RantyAnty · 16/01/2024 01:14

Just go back to workmate status and leave him alone. He's really not interested and he doesn't seem very nice anyway. The flirting at work is probably out of boredom to pass the time rather than any real interest.

MissingSlimpossible · 16/01/2024 01:41

Drama queen Confused

QueenBitch666 · 16/01/2024 02:10

What a pair!! Sounds like the perfect combo to me 😂

PerfectTravelTote · 16/01/2024 02:13

If you have to ask the question then take it as a yes.

FarmGirl78 · 16/01/2024 02:49

If this is someone you flirt with I dread to think how abrupt and abrassive you are with people you don't like!!

It just sounds like he's struggling or a bit cheesed off and as he's close to you he jumped right in with his gloomy rant. You could have diffused the situation but rather than reassure him or sympathise you've just doubled down on the abruptness. Good relationships (of any kind) are about getting the best out of the other person, and you clearly had no intention of doing that. You spoke to him like something you'd scrape off your shoe.

tuvamoodyson · 16/01/2024 05:00

This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t be left to play with your phone….

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