Am I wrong to dislike my boyfriends female lodger?

[Ablepickle1234]

So I'll explain the whole story so you get a clear picture around my situation...

Im a 30 yr old female, I've been with my boyfriend (35yrsold) for over 2 years now, he has his own place, and I have mine. We have talked about moving in together in the very near future, but just not yet.

A few months back my boyfriend told me he was considering getting a lodger to rent his spare room out too, to bring in extra cash and help pay his bills etc. Although I wasn't exactly happy about his idea, (as I do spend alot of my time at his), I knew it was something he wanted to do and I couldn't sway his decision.

A few weeks after our initial conversation on the renting his spare room out... he tells me he has interviewed a female lodger and she is interested in renting his room. She is 32, (very similar in age to me). I am very shocked at his decision to pick a female (I assumed it was going to be a male lodger living with him), and she is also almost identical in age and profession to me. I tell him I am not particularly happy about it being a female lodger. He then says he will look to see if anyone else is interested in the room, and if not he will rent it to her.

Fast forward another 3/4 weeks and he is being very shady about me coming round to his house, he is always offering to come round to mine instead and if I ask to come over to his he is making up excuses. I suspected something was a little off, and asked him when the new lodger was moving in. He then says she moved in a week ago!!!!! He had not mentioned to me at all that she was moving in. I completely lost it, got very upset and sad and felt like I had been lied to and deceived on about this situation.

Now she is living there, the atmosphere in the house for me is very uncomfortable. I feel unsettled and just odd being there when I know she's in the house.. (in the bedroom next door to us). There's only 1 bathroom in the house so she obviously uses that too. She's always in and hardly ever goes out, other than to work her 8am to 4pm job. All she does is either sit in her bedroom and uses the kitchen for short periods to cook. My boyfriend now makes a conscious effort to be quiet in the evenings (which he never did before), and even whispers when we get into bed so he's more quiet and doesn't disturb her. I find her extremely odd, almost awkward around me...

Although I honestly don't think he would cheat on me with her, I just find the whole idea and situation of him living with a female lodger very uncomfortable.

Am I over reacting about this all? Or do I have rights to how I feel? Advice greatly needed! As I don't know if I'm over thinking it all

agree with all of this

The second half of the ops first post makes it’s clear she has met her.

@Ablepickle1234 are you saying that if he'd had a female lodger when you first dated you would not have got into a relationship with him? Or is your problem that she moved in before he told you?

Agreed!!

I feel sorry for the lodger. This is not her fault. It must be hard moving to a new home and picking up on this awkward atmosphere.

You need to have a proper talk with your boyfriend about why he kept her moving in from you, if there's a future in the relationship etc.

I'm confused as to why there's no way you could have moved in together at the point he was considering getting a lodger.

Although I wasn't exactly happy about his idea, (as I do spend alot of my time at his), I knew it was something he wanted to do and I couldn't sway his decision.

I tell him I am not particularly happy about it being a female lodger.

I completely lost it, got very upset and sad and felt like I had been lied to and deceived on about this situation.

You don’t seem particularly happy full stop. Maybe you’d be better off alone, without the complication of someone wanting to make their own decisions. Relationships are overrated.

Is the issue she is female ? Or that there's a lodger?
Being quiet and use of sole bathroom are really lodger issues not female specific lodger issues.
What is your underlying issue ? Do you not trust him? What if she was gay? What if he had a guy lodging who was gay and ogling your bf? What if he had a male lodger who was ogling you ?

I shared a house with a guy whom much later on started to date. We rented from a private landlord. The girlfriend was in the house quite a lot and I had the impression she didn’t want me there. I stayed out of their way and generally minded my own business.
As their relationship developed they asked me to leave as they wanted the flat to themselves. Eventually I found new accommodation.
The friends that helped me move were a mutual friend of the guy. They were very unimpressed with the carryon.
Anyway, my point is that the poor renter is entitled to use the house as she is paying for it. It’s not as if she is partying at all hours and generally being a nuisance.
Maybe your boyfriend has valid reasons for renting out the room.