Friends’ abroad wedding

[mhn1]

Hi all,

our friends have recently announced their destination wedding, which is a year away from now. It’s my partner’s friend of many years but I wouldn’t say their lives are particularly intertwined now that we’ve all got kids!
looking at the cost, it’ll work out at around £4k (and we’ve got to get passports, obviously some spending money, outfits, wedding gift on top!! So looking more at 5.5k). I’m currently pregnant and baby will be around 8 months old at that point and our daughter will have just gone 4.
am I mad for thinking this is just an absurd amount to spend on one week away?! It’s not somewhere we would choose to go ourselves and the thought of dragging two young children on a 5hr flight for this just fills me with dread.
would I be in the wrong for suggesting that we give this a miss? I just know I’ll be the one predominantly looking after the 2 kids, it’s just not going to be a holiday is it?! I know it’s going to cause problems but I just don’t see how it’s a priority for our family, especially considering I’ll be on maternity pay!

by the way, partner is VERY set on going and is not a good negotiator 😂😭

It sounds like you’ve already decided you don’t want to go, so just decline the invitation with “can’t make logistics work / small baby / don’t have the money / not ideal with kids.” It’s not a big deal, we had a wedding which involved travel for some guests and totally expected some people to decline because it wasn’t convenient. We just reallocated the places. As long as you don’t shilly shally and do it right away they have plenty of time to do likewise.

I have made a decision in my head, however my partner is very set on going - very much a “I can’t miss my friends wedding” and FOMO feeling! Not sure how he thinks we can afford it mind!

It’s fine to decline the invite.

I would only do this if it was close family. They can’t expect it if you and I’m sure they will understand if you decline!

If it really is £4k, ie there really, genuinely aren't any cheaper options then Id suggest my husband go alone if he considers his friend a very good friend, or not at all if they're not that close.

It is fine to decline provided your DH hasn't been asked to be best man. Even then it's fine not to go as long as he is ok with it.

Agree with the above. You're not obliged to go if you don't want to (which you clearly don't). It's a lot for one holiday but obviously some people would be happy to pay it if it's within their budget or they are very close to the couple. Just saying "we're so sorry but we just don't think we can make it work with the baby and toddler" is enough of a reason. Then send them a card and a present to open when they get home.

If he really wants to go then can he not go alone, and not for a full week? If it would cost £4k for all of you, it sounds more affordable for just one.

Unless it is a holiday you’d want to do anyway regardless of the wedding I wouldn’t even consider going.

I get annoyed if someone expects me to disrupt a Saturday for their wedding so no way would I agree to what is being proposed. It’s indulgent nonsense.

You can book a nice family holiday to Barbados for that price. I think I can guess which you’d prefer.

@Charlie2121 please can you tell me how you get a family holiday to Barbados for 4K

I’ve been several times and never paid more than 4k.

You can get flights + a reasonable hotel for 10 days in St Lawrence Gap for less than that.

The last few times we went to see England play cricket there and still managed it well within that budget.

Can't he go on his own?

Can he go, and not the rest of you?

Just let him go on his own

Can he go without you? And for a long weekend? DH went off to a wedding when DS was about 3 in another country. It was one of his besties but money was very tight at the time and we also knew that DS wouldn't cope with a random babysitter at the venue etc... so we paid for a cheapo ticket and hotel for DH. He had an absolute blast with all his old buddies and the friends completely understood why I stayed home. In fact, DD was born almost exactly 9 months later and DH's friend likes to say that our excitement at being back together after their wedding led to conception! He basically takes credit!

I'd imagine DH would be delighted to go on his own. No kids, no DW, plenty of drinks, fun and shenanigans with his lad friends. He could go for a few days rather than a week to save expense - more money for booze and fun for him.

Suggest it to him. If he wants you all to go he is mad. Refuse to go given the logistics and finances.

He can go alone.. A week at home without dh would be a good enough break for me!

He can go without you. I get why you're not all going but unless there's a very good reason I don't think you should decide for him too.

He can go without you.

No sane person would take an 8 month old and a 4y into a strange environment and try to enjoy a wedding full of strange people.

He goes and you don't is probably the solution

Can he go alone?

And you get an equivalent amount to spend on yourself obviously.

Why can't your partner go alone?

Whole big bundle of nope from me

He just goes on his own- simple.

Your partner can go by himself then.