Stepmother inheritance - who's right?

[jamiefromcanada]

My father was a widow at a young age, 30, he has two children from his first marriage. He remarried after a few years to a widowed homemaker who had one child from her previous marriage. After a few years they had a child of their own.

Fast forward, my father died at seventy years old and my step-mother lived another fifteen years, until eighty five years old. During their marriage they lived on my fathers income, which he earned handsomely. We all grew up together as one big close happy family, just like the Brady Bunch. shared birthdays, weddings, and parties together.

After my step-mothers death, my half-brother and step-brother never shared the contents of the will with us or not even let us see it. I know that when my step-mother was alive she said many times to many people including myself that all her children were equal to her. After all was said and done, my brothers gave us only 10% of the entire estate. My half-brother took 50% and my step-brother took, 30%.

What's right in this situation? Both morally and legally. I know how I feel, a bit disappointed. My father and stepmother died thinking we were all one big happy family... I want to get other peoples opinions on this. Thanks

People were trying to give practical advice based on UK law around wills and inheritance. The fact that you are in Canada is unimportant but your stepmother livng (and dying) in Italy is relevant to the advice people thought you wanted.

As a PP. has said you have may feel betrayed by either your stepmother (if she left you out of her will) or by your step and half brothers (if they ignored her will/wishes). How much contact did you have with her and them since your father died?

Dancerprancer19 · Yesterday 23:58

That's awful. Even if I couldn't find the will I would do a deviation to the will and divide it equally in the circumstances you describe.
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Exactly what I was thinking they should have done, thank you

Spomsored,

Actually I believe my stepmother to have been a good women and its my brothers that I have a problem with. I feel that they changed the will to benefit their outcome.

Every country has its own laws around inheritance. You really need to seek advice from a solicitor qualified in Italian law. There are legal firms in the UK who have partners qualified in various other countries. I am sure there will be similar firms in Canada. You will have to do some searching and they will charge you, but it is probably the only way to get correct advice.

My stepmother was the only beneficiary, she lived on my fathers pension for 15 years...He died in Italy, I did not see a will, I never asked, to much in grief at the time, I assumed like in Canada, the remaining spouse automatically gets everything.

The reason people are questionning is because you're asking "What's right in this situation? Both morally and legally" and then allowing people to vote if you're being unreasonable. The OP and subsequent posts seem to suggest you are seeking legal advise on what to do, but left out important information about a. your whereabouts b. your parents's/siblings whereabouts. This changes the advise people will give you, as most people will assume you are based in the UK posting about a will that would fall under UK law. Then you add that you weren't willing to pursue actually seeing the will and aren't willing to pursue this legally as you may incure costs.

Ultimately no one can tell you who is right as we don't know the contents of the wills and your parents' wishes and the laws regarding inheritance in Italy. I get why you might be upset about the division of goods and you may well have a point, but I would also add with you living in another continent how much of the day to day care of both parents as they became elderly (doctor/hospital visits, financial help etc) fell on the shoulders of the brothers living close by and morally wouldn't they then be entitled to a "bigger piece of the cake" so to speak considering they likely invested much more time, effort and finances in taking care of their elderly parents (again not sure if this is the case as you haven't shared timings of when parents died, where you were resident at the time etc). I live in the UK but my parents and younger sibling live in a european country on the other side of the continent. I've already told both my parents and my sibling that I don't expect anything from a will etc as a. my parents have supported me enough financially in my young adult years and b. realistically my sibling is going to have the lion's share of caring responsibilities when the time comes living in the same town as them. Seems only fair to me!

I was going to say no solicitor is going to allow a will to be fraudulently handled, but then I saw they were in Italy. Good luck!

Op, it seems you were asking for emotional support whereas people were actually trying to give you legal advice that my help you.

I'm Canadian too. It's possible for kids to inherent even with a surviving spouse if that's what the person has willed. It may not be typical and would be more common in high net worth families.

OP is not the SM's child though.

And I'd imagine a lot may hinge on what the legal definition of 'child' is in the context of an Italian will.

In the law of England and Wales, it includes adopted children, although OP says they were never actually adopted by the SM either.

Mumsnet isnt at all a 'private English space', OP. But you appreciate we tend to assume posters are in the UK unless they say otherwise and it's unclear whether you want legal advice here or comments on the morality or otherwise of your family.

I don't think we can usefully add much more.

Your stepmother was the only beneficiary of your father's will and he left no provision for his biological children?! At all!?!
Wow. He was a fool, naive at best.
That would have tainted my opinion of him.

Ah ok so you just want everyone to come on and say “Oh poor you; your step-bro/half-bro are immoral”? Then don’t post in AIBU.

HTH

In Italy, I would have expected that your father's children should have inherited half between the 3 of you at the time of your father's death. You really need an Italian lawyer if you want to understand your rights.

You asked what’s right “morally and legally” without making it clear what legal system you were talking about. Loads of people have wasted their time responding about the UK , I can see why they’re annoyed that you left out a crucial fact.

This. You should have given all this extra info at the start, to save non-pertinent advice being given.

If your father was an Italian citizen with a will written in Italy, then his assets would have been split between his blood children, with his wife having the right to live in any property (and I think getting 25%). If he wasn't Italian, then scrap that and you needed to have consulted his will at that time.

His wife, being Italian, and if she had Italian assets, would have had her assets split between blood children. If she had been enjoying the benefit of any of your father's property in Italy, if he was Italian, then that share should have reverted to his blood relatives.

All this is moot; unless you went to Italy at the time of any deaths occurring in Italy, you've no way of knowing and I would just let it go.

You need to order your dad and step mum's wills. I bet your dad mentioned something about his property going to his children after his wife passes. Then take your step brother and half brother to court. How dare they take your dad's assets.

OP can't even be bothered to travel to Italy. Is she really going to embroil herself in a will dispute in a jurisdiction thousands of miles away with notoriously complex bureaucracy, probably in a lamguage she isn't fluent in? Sounds like fun, and ruinously expensive. The legal bill would exceed the total value of the estate pretty quickly.

This is why people with existing dc should never get remarried. The new spouse and their DCs will get all the inheritance.

Your DF should have put your share in trust for you.

When he got married he basically disinherited you.

It is morally wrong.

Why no one is campaigning to change this law I don't know!!

Does anyone know why not all copies are there? My adult children's father died and it went through probate and they got some money but I have never been able to see the will. They have seen the will but I am not asking them for it. He died about three years ago and the will is not on the government website.

Yes I would never remarry if my DH dies before me! I hope he wouldn't either.

So what that you are from Canada? And that the deceased was in Italy? Well it is because the law is different across the globe, there is not one global set of laws and on this website we are primarily from the UK and familiar with the laws of the respective countries that make up the UK.

Now if you had a problem with a parenting issue or relationship issue, you are likely to find somebody that can help on mumsnet, but on a matter of law, probably not. Although I would have thought the starting point, regardless of country, is to get a copy of the will. I can’t believe you haven’t done this yet if this is bothering you.

As you asked about morally, well morally most parents divide their estate between their biological children. So morally, not legally, I would start with the married couple own 50 each. Your father splits between his three biological children (you, your sibling and half sibling = 16.67 each) and your step mother splits between her two biological children (half sibling and step sibling = 25 each). So in total a moral outcome might be:

You and sibling = 16.67
Half sibling = 41.67
Step sibling = 25

So yes, I would say that, morally, you have perhaps been short changed but not massively so and considering the cross border issues, not to the extent that you might want to think pursue legally.

I know some are annoyed with my post and I apologize. But just wanted to let you know that this post has given me the courage to start an investigation on retrieving the wills of both my father and stepmother. For my own piece of mind. Thank you.

I did go to both funerals, my brothers never showed me the wills on both occasions and i trusted them. No sibling lived in Italy with her they all live in Canada. We set up a live in Polish caregiver till the end of her life.

It's hard to paint the whole picture of this entire story. Its long. My brothers are a lot richer than me, done well for themselves which I'm very proud of. What I was hoping they would have done when my stepmother died was at least say. "I know the law says that you only get 10%, but mom lived on dads pension for 15 years and we are going to split the estate equally between us." That's what I was thinking cause we all grew up as One happy family, I didn't realize we needed a paper to tell us that, and my dad probably went to his grave thinking the same thing.

That's why I'm hurt about this whole thing and try not to think of it much. Its not the little bit of extra money that bothers me, its the fact that they never thought of me as an equal after all these years. That was the moment to prove, "I value you, as much as you value me."

OP you may have now learnt that ''people'' whoever they are - even very apparently good and moral etc) change for the ''worse'' when money is involved. You seem to have been rather passive regarding benefits from SM inheritance. But in actual fact it seems legally correct inheritance was followed. You should have spoken out when SM was still alive regarding your feelings on this matter.