What does your daily routine look like if you have young kids and work

[doorhinges]

I'm having a bit of a rough start to January and feeling burnt out and low.

I ask myself, is it me ? Am I just not cut out for this motherhood thing ? Or just generally the mundaneness of life ?

Here is an example of my routine, how does it compare to yours and can you suggest improvements :

• get up around 6:30, get ready quickly
• get kids up and ready for school
• 7:45leave the house, drop kids at nursery
• 9 am back home to start work
• 5 pm leave to pick up kids
• 6pm get home
• 6:30 pm dinner
• 7pm bath bed story etc
• 8-8:30 pm kids asleep

Usually I fall asleep at around 9 or so, rinse repeat.

My kids are 3 and 1.

Dad leaves before they get up in the morning and gets back after bed time. I work exclusively from home, full time.

Is there anything that would make my routine better? I sometimes go to the gym and work from there/ work out and that kind of thing. Obviously I haven't put in the details of my working day. During the day I have breaks and cook dinner and that kind of stuff.

It's a bit dull, isn't it? I just feel so deflated every day at the moment.

Reading all of your routines makes me feel really sad, it all sounds like a massive slog with little time for fun or joy. Do any of you feel like you get time to yourself during the day or just for you and DH?

I don’t find it at all sad and I get plenty of time to myself. You just need an equal partner and a hobby or two.

There’s lots of joy though!

Agree with people suggesting you cycle the nursery run - might be quicker, probably more enjoyable.

My kids are 5 and 3 and things are much easier than when they were 3 and 1 thought the actual routine is similar.

We split things so DH mostly leaves really early but then is home early for pick ups, and I do the opposite. We both work full time.

Routine is:

• 7am everybody up
• breakfast and faffing round
• 8am - school and nursery run. I cycle both kids on an electric cargo bike - we all love it.
• 8.40 - I’m home and I get showered and ready for work
• 9.30 - arrive at the office and work until usually 6 so home at 6.30. DH is back by 5, does pick ups and feeds kids
• 6.30-8 - prolonged bath, play, story, bedtime
• 8-10 I usually do more work and eat dinner
• 10-11 - tv and bed!

I think the key differences between our routines is that (1) I don't get up before toddler to get ready- I just get ready very quickly and probably don't look as groomed as I was before but think in still look acceptable (2) nursery is 5 mins from my work, and 15 mins from my home so we don't have to leave the house until 8.20ish and and I see baby 5 mins after leaving my desk 3) DH and I usually do drop off together and pick up a coffee on the way which makes me really look forward to this part of our routine as we chat about our days while walking 4) DH does his fair share of pickups, all bedtimes now that we have weaned and 50% of any overnight wakes.

We will eventually need to move further way from work to afford more space if we have another child but it has been such a luxury maximising our time together and minimising travelling places

When mine were younger it was something like that but I was on the 07:08 to London train and Ex DP dropped the kids off at breakfast club and nursery (or when I worked more local I did both drop and pick up), got to my office around 8am and worked all day, arriving at nursery for 5.30 ish to collect DD and then walked round to after school club to pick up DS. Repeat x 5. We were both working in the office 5 days a week back then (kids are 19 and 16 now). If we were doing a couple of days each WFH it would feel positively luxurious to drop that commute off for both of us as we both worked up in town, including commuting up to 37wks pregnant.

It doesn’t last forever though, soon you’ll be like me, no childcare at all as they’ve grown up and gone to Uni (or planning to). It is hard graft, and feels relentless. You are literally surviving.

Op, cycle with kids, get a cargo bike. Saves a lot of time in traffic.

I had zero time for myself back when mine were little. At 19 (and at Uni) and 16 and very self sufficient (cooks her own food out of choice) I am aware how different my life is now. I run a walking group, socialise with friend a lot, and could do a lot more. I’d like to do more travelling but a dog going blind and on 8 drops a day stops that at the minute. As I was a teen mum (eldest is 30 now) I never knew what it was like having no responsibility and able to just say yes to things. So since kids been old enough to not need a babysitter I say yes to everything!! Especially since covid and have a really good social life now at 47!!

One kid, DH and I both wfh or out at client meetings.

Take it in turns to get up with DS at 7am every day.

Day 1:

Parent 1 does homework, packed lunch, school uniform, no screens but maybe an activity if there’s time (e.g. basketball in the back yard)

Walk to school (10 mins)

Make a cup of tea for Parent 2.

WFH 9.30 - 5.30 (both)

Parent 2: pick up from after school club (10 mins)

Make tea, potter around. Who ever is not cooking does bathtime but not every night.

DC in bed by 8, watch a film/tv, both bed 11.30ish.

Day 2:
swap over the next day

Rinse and repeat.

one lie in each on the weekend.

I often shower on my lunch break, and the house is much less tidy than many of you. I don’t always do hair and makeup. We have an occasional unreliable cleaner!

Life as a working parent of young kids is dull for most, probably non-working too and even FT work with no kids! but I agree dad ideally could do more some days and also not sure why you take them to a nursery so far away, can't you get anything closer? Seems a long day out of the home for the children. Hopefully you all get to recharge at the weekends!

Similar here OP...

Up at 6:30, get myself ready then DD2 ready
7:30 drop DD to nursery
Get to work for 8am
5:30 finish work and pick up DD
7pm DD bedtime routine starts......

Here is your answer… your DH is a twat!

Oh op your day looks mind numbingly dull to me, I couldn't find the motivation to get out of bed for that! Where do you come in, it's your life?! Get your useless husband to give you back some of your time that he's stealing from you and go and do something that makes you happy!

Mine is like get up at 7, shower, get kids up, breakfast, get them dressed, leave at 8.30 to walk to school and nursery, back home just gone 9, cycle to work arriving 9.30. Partner collects kids. I leave work at 4.30, get home 5, spend time with kids while partner cooks dinner. Eat 5.30. I then clear kitchen and do other jobs, start bedtime at 6.45, kids asleep by 7.45. I do some more work in the evening or sometimes go out. I go to bed 10.30. Only work 3 days though.

I recommend the following: live within walking or cycling distance of school, nursery and work if at all possible. Work part time and spend less money. Don't do nightly baths.

Driving a daily school run is insane and turns what could be an enjoyable bit of fresh air and exercise into a hideous chore. If at all possible either move house now or move schools.

That’s life!l. I’m not sure what you are expecting ? Mine is the same and so will anyone else’s be if they have young children and a job

Maybe bring bedtime earlier so you have more of an evening. Though you might find they wake up earlier as a result

Wow that's impressive. I would cut out the ironing and most of the cleaning. How do you create so much laundry? I only have 2 kids but do 3 loads a week. Could probably fill another load if pushed but you seem to be doing 14 loads a week!!

DH does all the drop offs but the picks ups are split and I do most of them. You two need to split it between you if you can?

Oh also, give the kids an earlier bedtime. Baths at 6:30, straight after dinner.

Also sounds like your childcare is an hour round trip? Is there nowhere nearer?

You're effectively a single parent, that's why you're exhausted. What the hell is your DH doing?? I really can't think of any circumstances where this is acceptable. What's his job?

WFH has transformed everything for us -make the most of it. I can pop some dinner in the slow cooker, push the vacuum round and squeeze in a 30min lunch run which saves lots of time elsewhere. Husband does all drop-offs, I do pick ups and clubs. Compared to when I was teaching and in school 7-7 (it was a shit show then!). Get some evenings out booked in too - run club, pub quiz etc breaks up the week and just tell your husband that’s the plan. He has every right to do the same but no point you both feeling hemmed in

Nursery needs to be near to home or near to work, for all of your sakes.

and DH needs a riot act. It is a slog but he’s not seeing his children at all, does he like that?

I do promise though that it gets easier. 3 and 1 is peak exhaustion stage. My youngest has turned 5 and it’s definitely better here.

On the 3 days i work it looks like this:

I start work at 7am (wfh).
Husband gets DD up and dressed/breakfast/teeth.
They both leave the house at 8am for nursery/work. DH usually at his desk by 8:15am (short commute)
They both get home around 5:15pm
Tea at 5:30.
One of us puts DD to bed 6:10-6:30 while the other cleans up.
6:30 - bedtime evening of tv/boardgames/whatever we fancy really

Very similar. I’m a single working mum of 3 and I find getting up before the kids at 6am and always getting dressed, doing the dishwasher, washing machine and recycling before they get up keeps me on top of things - I love audio books while doing housework or driving. I try to do something I enjoy with the kids at the weekend, e.g. cinema, beach or nice food. Mine are a bit older than yours so it does get easier - they are more independent and can entertain themselves more. Hang on in there - you’re doing great!

I love the app “Todoist” - it keeps me on track and frees up a few minutes here and there where I can do something little for myself

Mine is very similar but I start work earlier (8am) and don't work from home so not able to get on top of little jobs during the day 😰 I get home at 5.30pm, daughter goes down at 6.30 and then I work again from 8-9.30 (I'm a teacher)