What does your daily routine look like if you have young kids and work

[doorhinges]

I'm having a bit of a rough start to January and feeling burnt out and low.

I ask myself, is it me ? Am I just not cut out for this motherhood thing ? Or just generally the mundaneness of life ?

Here is an example of my routine, how does it compare to yours and can you suggest improvements :

• get up around 6:30, get ready quickly
• get kids up and ready for school
• 7:45leave the house, drop kids at nursery
• 9 am back home to start work
• 5 pm leave to pick up kids
• 6pm get home
• 6:30 pm dinner
• 7pm bath bed story etc
• 8-8:30 pm kids asleep

Usually I fall asleep at around 9 or so, rinse repeat.

My kids are 3 and 1.

Dad leaves before they get up in the morning and gets back after bed time. I work exclusively from home, full time.

Is there anything that would make my routine better? I sometimes go to the gym and work from there/ work out and that kind of thing. Obviously I haven't put in the details of my working day. During the day I have breaks and cook dinner and that kind of stuff.

It's a bit dull, isn't it? I just feel so deflated every day at the moment.

Pretty much identical to my day with similar age kids. I also have a long nursery run of 25 mins each way so spend 2+ hours of my day doing it which is extremely depressing. I try to get dinner done a bot faster than you though (doesn't always work!) which I find makes life more bearable - so have everything ready to go including plates on table etc so the kids basically go straight to the dinner table, done by 6.30ish, then bed hopefully by 7/7.15ish. But our situations are almost identical, complete with sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and lack of self care time.

DH does his fair share. DD is 4 and at nursery.

I work 2 days in the office, I get up and sort animals then go to office, leaving about 7.30. I get home about 7.30pm and DH has DD in bed. He does drop off, pick up, dinner, bath etc.

I WFH 2 days and I get DD up at 7, we go to nursery for 7.45. I pick her up at about 5 and I do bedtime routine those nights.

DH does dinner most nights. I make the packed lunch.

I have a horse so spend at least an hour with her every eve and about 4hrs a day at weekends, so I get plenty of time off.

I don’t work Mondays so on those days if we aren’t out I will cover all the meals. DH is full time but WFH.

I work 4 days. On those days it's
Up at 6:30 with the kids
Breakfast, shower, dressed
I leave for work at 7:30
Husband gets them ready for school and takes them
I pick them up from afterschool club at 5.
Home and cook dinner for 6.
Quick tidy up
Bath, stories and bed for 8.
Sofa and TV until 10 then bed

Its manageable because we both help out.

Maybe you need to try and move nearer the school? And dad's job

I would say the same really about the legnth of time doing drop off and pick ups.

Also sharing the load with your DP

I am a Single parent an WAH exclusively.

6am wake up
6:15-6:45 online PT
6:45 - 8:00
8:00-8:40 get DS6 ready for school
8:45-8:50 school run
8:50-3:10 work
3:10-3:30 school run
3:30 - 5:00/5:30 work
5:30-7:30 (clubs/dinner/ bath/homework)
7:39-8:00 bedtime

Hope this doesn't sound mean but that would have been a very easy routine for me when the kids were little. When I did get to WFH on the same schedule I thought it was dream come true.

Husband starting to actually do his share and find childcare closer would be my 2 solutions

That does look hard. Is there not a nursery closer/ one you can walk to? That makes a huge difference for us, short walk to nursery/ school. And I work part time which of course makes things much easier. I think your dh should do more and you should definitely get a lie in on the weekend!

Dc 14,7,1
6:15 wake up, younger 2 dressed and ready for nursery&school
7:30 drop off at nursery and wrap around care
8am-4pm work, pick up and home by 5.20

5.30pm cook and clean house/put wash on etc. 7yo does any homework
6pm dinner and clean up
6.30 showers
7pm younger two baths and wind down for 7.30pm bed
8-10pm tv/chill with/without 14yo depending on activities (4 a week)
10pm bedtime

its dull but we spend family time on weekends, DC are happy and loved 🥰

Your day looks very similar to ours, but our nursery is 3 minutes away. It makes such a big difference not having to a commute with them (DD2 & DD4).

I go to bed at midnight though, so I get more 'me time' in the evenings, which is great for the soul. I also only drink one cup of coffee a day, which has massively helped my energy levels.

Not far off my routine really, mine are 6 and 8 so I can see the teen years coming where I have independence back and it's making me more accepting of life with small ones. My DH also is gone about the time me and the kids wake up, but he is back before dinner time. It must be really tough doing morning wake ups AND every bedtime alone OP. Is there no way he can be around for one of those times more often?

6.30am wake up get ready. 2-3 times a week I get up at 5am and go to the gym first, back at in the house at 7am.
7am coax and cajole DCs to wake up and dress
7.30am-8.15am run around like a madwoman making lunches, breakfasts, drying my hair (I know I should do this the night before but just read further)
8.20am school run (two schools)
9am head to work (three or four days a week), I travel around the county for my job so get to drive between visits and listen to music/podcasts which is great
5pm pick up from separate after school clubs, come home, make tea, homework etc
7.15 start bedtime with youngest
9.30(!!) finish bedtime (oldest still needs me there to get to sleep)
9.35 go to bed

I do almost all bedtimes with support from DH. On my days off I am usually running errands, cleaning, batch cooking, washing clothes. About once a month I meet up for 'brunch' with a friend straight after school drop off and we talk and talk until it's time to do school run. Shoehorning those bits of socialising in is important if you can do it but hard if your working FT.

DS is 5. I currently work 3 days and go to college 1 day. Work days look like this:

• 7ish get up a do bathroom stuff.
• 7.10 Put washing in dryer and chill with a cup of tea and DS
• 7.40 reading book with DS
• 7.45 make packed lunches
• 7.50 breakfast
• 8am upstairs to dress, brush DS's teeth, pester him to get dressed.
• 8.25 leave for school
• 8.40 get home & leave for work
• 9 am-3.30 pm at work
• 3.50 pm home from work & chill with DS
• 5 pm dinner
• 5.30 bath
• 6-7 chill
• 7 pm upstairs for teeth, PJs and drawing or story
• 8 ish asleep
• Catch up with messages and socials while watching ipad in bed.

Very similar here. 3 children. 1 teen, 1 infant school + 1 toddler.

I only work x3 days. The other 2 I have our toddler and in between his clubs do things like food shopping, change bedsheets (4 beds - I do 2 on each day), ironing, other boring stuff. Luckily we have a cleaner.

I try to avoid doing any chores at the weekend (apart from necessary things like clearing up after cooking, emptying the dishwasher etc )

6am - 7am Wake, empty dishwasher, washing out, previous day dry washing away, make tea and drink in silence!
7am - 8am Shower + then wake 2 youngest, get toddler + me dressed / make beds
8am - 8.30am Breakfast / bags ready / last minute tidying
8.30am - 9am School run (DH does nursery run)
9am - 4pm work, also from home. Always do another wash during the day.
Prep dinner (if needs be at lunch)
4pm - 4.30pm School + nursery run
4.30pm - 5pm Chat to kids, help with homework etc
5pm - 5.30pm Make Dinner
5.30pm Dinner + tidy up kitchen
6pm Bath 2 youngest.
7pm DH takes toddler to bed
7 - 8pm I sit with middle child (+sometimes teen if she graces us with her presence!). Tonight we did his spellings and watched half an hour of a film.
8pm Take middle child to bed which take around an hour (has anxiety issues).
9pm Cup of Tea and CHILL!!!! Watch TV with DH, scroll through phone, check emails etc
10pm Put wash on overnight. Make cold drinks for next day. Any other tidying needed (normally wipe over downstairs toilet, stray toys, plump sofa etc)
10.30pm Head to bed
11.30pm sleep !

2x a week middle child has a club after school with DH deals with.

DH gets home around 6pm and has his dinner then walks the dog before taking youngest to bed.

1. Your school run is crazy long. Is it the nursery class of a private school? I don't know anyone doing a nursery run that long around full time work. Honestly don't do this for 7 years of primary. Either move house or move school. It's not sustainable. If you won't move either, stop whinging, you've chosen the rod you're being beaten with.
2. Your DH isn't sharing the load enough. Does he have an unusually long commute? He needs to either leave early or get back late, but not both.

Do you get 9.5 hours of sleep every night? That's a lot.

Can you wake up at 5am? Then you get 1.5 hours to yourself to either exercise or just meditate etc. That's what I do.

You will still get 8 hours of sleep a night.

Yes 9.5 hours is a lot, although she says kids are up in the night, not sure how long.

I aim for between 6 and 7 hours. Both our youngest still wake in the night. I deal with toddler and DH deals with middle child.
Toddler normally has a bottle and is back off within 15m

We end up in different beds to what we started in 🤭

Mine are 16 and 6 so slightly different:

5.30am - wake up, shower, coffee
6am - DD6 wakes up. Breakfast and TV
6.30am - DD 6 washed and dressed for school. Sometimes reading, sometimes play in room. I feed the dog and get dressed.
7am: DD16 wakes up - can sort herself out. She looks after DD6 whilst I walk the dog for around an hour
8.15am - breakfast club and school drop off on way to work

I work 8.30-4.30 but in a hybrid role so sometimes in office, sometimes at home, sometimes a mix of both.

3.45pm - DD16 gets home/does homework.
5pm: DH picks DD6 up from after school club (except Tuesdays which I do earlier for a club!)
5-6.30pm - I cook dinner and we eat. DD6 reads to me while I cook. (Except Fridays which is Beavers so we have chips after!)
7pm: DD6 bedtime

3 nights a week DD16 had an activity that requires a lift- depending what's going on the dog gets another walk between 7 and 9pm.

9pm - I sit on sofa and fall asleep watching TV

3 kids 7, 3 and 1

7.40 - wake up with the baby (sleeps with me)
DH already doing breakfast with the older 2 (they get up about 7:15 - 7.30)
8 - baby has breakfast and I dress him
8.20 - drive youngest two to nursery (15 min each way) whilst DH walks eldest to school (across the road)
9 - work from home till 5
3.20 - DH picks eldest up or he does a club which means it's 4.20.
5.10 - leave to pick up younger two, they have dinner at nursery
5.45 home - eldest has dinner, DH cooks it.
Each evening involves different hobbies for eldest, so each evening is different.
7.45 - take baby to bed, breastfeed to sleep while DH puts younger two to bed and brushes their teeth
8/8.15 - as soon as baby is asleep I go into the older twos room, eldest reads to me
8.45/9 - they are asleep
9 - dinner for us (DH cooks whilst I read with DS)
9.30/10 - watch something
11.30 - bed

Dh & i both work hybrid, 1hr commutes. DH does 40h, my contract is 30 but i work more like 32. 2 primary aged DC.

On my office days i commute, DH works at home and does childcare runs - kids run it in 5 mins in mornings when full of beans, walk it in 10 at 5.30 pick up. Kids are in bed by 7.30.

I'm up at 6.15 wash hair/get ready & on train platform by 7. I start work 8.15 and arrive home 6.45pm

My work at home days i can collect direct from school at 3.30. Up by 7, start work at 9. Get kids after school, sometimes have a club/lesson to take to, other times just at home or playdates. Kids and I eat 5ish. Bed by 7.30.

DH gets up 7am for the 7.30 train. Gets home between 6. 45 & 7.15.

DH does a sport once a week in the eve. I do a fitness class a different night. Occasionally I go out/meet friends after the children have gone to bed.

Kids don't wake us at night and haven't routinely since about age 2.

Up at 5.30, to the gym. Home by 7 so dh can head to work. Shower and maybe eat before kids get up. Sort kids and dog, leave about 8.30 for school run. Work until 4, collect kids, home, homework, dinner, washing. Get ready for whatever sport/club is on and do runs, if not doing runs then am working again in the evenings teaching. Hope everyone is finally in bed by 10 including myself!

Just realised how dull our routine is 😂
I keep saying we need to do hobbies again, but all I want to do is crash on the sofa after they are asleep. We have very fun, full weekends though, and I do love our little life.

It is normal to feel a bit burnt our with those ages, I found it got a lot easier when they got to school and could e.g. get themselves dressed while I ate toast and put a wash on.

But your main issue is you are trying to do two people's worth of parenting and work full time - lots of single mums do it but they, like you, shouldn't have to.

It's why many women end up working part time and taking a step back in their careers because something has to give and if you are a decent parent its either your job or your mental health. Funny how many men decide its parenting that has to give....

You are losing three hours a day in the car doing the nursery run. Totally get why you don’t want to move her if she’s settled though.

Your main fixable issue is DH.

He is getting out of all and any household and child duties by making his working day as long as it is. I doubt very much he couldn’t change that if he wanted to but it no doubt suits him perfectly this way.

He could ask for flexible working to have a later start and do the nursery run a couple of days, ditto finish time and pick up. He could even WFH for an hour before the nursery run if he’s that desperate to get the hours in.

And weekends should be one lie in day each. And a couple of hours off each to go to the gym, see a friend, shop etc.

Do you have a cleaner? On line shop or meal box delivery etc? All to try and claw a bit of time back?

Posters on here waking up in the night with toddlers.. why don't you sleep train? What do they wake up in the night for? They definitely don't need bottles still.

Adults also wake up in the night thirsty or hungry, but we've taught ourselves to go back to sleep and wait until the morning. Kids can learn that too.

Mine is 19 months and I love my uninterrupted sleep. No matter how tiring my day is, I can always reset with a long 8 hour sleep.

Is the nursery cyclable? You might find that the exercise helps energy levels and it's quicker than sitting in traffic?