DH sleeping in when he’s had a bad night’s sleep

[MinnieMountain]

I get it- DH has a bad night’s sleep, so he turns his alarm off and gets up after me and 10yo DS. We sleep separately.

AIBU to be annoyed that this leaves me as the default parent first thing? I never get the chance to lie in as I’m peri-menopausal.

What can you do apart from speaking to him about it?

Is this on a weekend? I would both have a lie in and let the 10 year old have some freedom on a morning

But surely this is only on the nights he's had a bad night sleep so not every morning. Do you both need to be up to parent first thing?

I'm sorry, why don't you get a chance to lie in because you're preri menopausal?

Why isn't he sleeping properly?

But presumably it’s not every day. How much effort is a 10 year old in the morning.

Your child is 10 what do you need to 'parent' that you can't sleep in too?

I think this depends on overall split. I usually wake early and DH will sometimes lie in. Occasionally I am a bit irritated thar it is always me running round sorting breakfast etc. But I remind myself that DH tends to deal with more of the bedtime routine, as I'm usually more tired than him at that point.

How often he does this?
What does he say when you want to stay in bed later?

So you mean you always have to be on to do morning run, breakfast, packed lunch etc? I can see that being annoying I'd the default is you. We have set days when each of us is responsible for getting things moving.

With a ten year old I'm assuming they can get their own breakfast, get dressed and do teeth etc independently. So I'd get your point totally if it was say a child under 8 but at that age if it wasn't too often I don't think I'd be too bothered. But just talk to him about it.

Why is he having so many bad nights sleep? Is it self inflicted?

Your inability to lie in (due to peri, as you imply) isn't his fault.

How much parenting does a 10yo need? Dh and I sometimes sleep til 9am at the weekend and 9 & 11yo make themselves cereal or toast and watch TV for a bit.

Even when I then get up I sit with a coffee and a book for a good while.

If your child was two, you'd have a point - but he's ten, he doesn't need parenting first thing in the morning, surely?

Also don't understand why you never get to lie in as peri.

Is that because you wake early? I get that as an peri also but that doesn't mean you have to get up, surely? Wake early. Sneak down for a cup of tea. Go back and read or listen to the radio in bed.

You may even drop back off again.

Oh god I was hoping by ten we don’t need to tag team DS anymore 🤣🤣

Surely a ten year old is not much trouble in the morning?

Unless his sleep is ruining weekend plans then let the man rest!!

Also just because you can’t sleep doesn’t mean someone who can sleep should have to get up. Different if you have a very young child or if child has additional needs.

At 10 I don’t think there’s much you need to do, but if you’re constantly being the one to take the child to school etc have a word

Weekdays only I mean as DS needs supervising to make sure he does things in time for school. We both stay in bed on weekends if we want to.

Peri-menopause means I always wake up early.

We’ve spoken (before he disappeared off for a long crap). DH doesn’t see the problem as his parents got up when they needed to when he was 10. So fair enough. I accept I am being unreasonable.

What is the cause of his bad night's sleep? Is he worried about work, has an underlying health problem or stays up late gaming/drinking? Context is everything here.

Oh- I mainly do school runs on my way to the office, so that’s not an issue.

Oh mean, he's 10. Surely he gets dressed and his own breakfast anyway? Chill out

So you are getting up as you have to go to work anyway. Presumably he doesn’t need to be up at that time for work. Child is 10. I don’t see what the problem is.

Presumably you're getting up to go to work anyway? A 10 year old doesn't need that much supervision, they should be able to sort themselves out.

I can't see why this bothers you. You are up anyway because you are peri and wakes early but also because you are going to work and drop kid off on the way. What difference does it make then that your DH wakes up later, you would still have to get up to get to work.

If you always wake up early, I don’t really see the problem.

You need to chill.

If you’re up to go out anyway and he is 10 I don’t see the issue. It doesn’t take two people to get a 10 year old to school