DH sleeping in when he’s had a bad night’s sleep

[MinnieMountain]

I get it- DH has a bad night’s sleep, so he turns his alarm off and gets up after me and 10yo DS. We sleep separately.

AIBU to be annoyed that this leaves me as the default parent first thing? I never get the chance to lie in as I’m peri-menopausal.

Stop saying "default parent". You're up anyway as you can't sleep, your kid is ten and really shouldn't require much parenting in the morning. No one said don't post again. What people are saying is that you are being unreasonable

What people are saying is that you are being unreasonable

Which is, after all, the question the OP asked.

I never get the chance to lie in as I’m peri-menopausal

So, even if your DH got up early, you would still also get up early? Then YABVU. If you get up anyway, it's not actually a big deal to stick some cornflakes in a bowl for your child.

he works from home and generally starts at 7:30-8am

Fucking hell. He's not 'sleeping in' if he starts work at that time. Unless your kid goes to school 90 minutes away from your home, I don't understand what 'default parenting' your DH could be expected to do before 7.30am.

he disappeared off for a long crap

You just sound massively resentful of your DH in general. Do you actually like him at all?

My 5 year old had to be woken up at 7:30 today, what time are you and the teen year old getting up? Your DH seems to start work too early for what I'd consider a lie in

Peri-menopause is not your husbands fault you getting up early is on you.
At 10 my son got his self ready on weekends he would get is own breakfast watch tv.
It dont take 2 to walk a 10 year old to school either.
It sounds like you dont like your husband very much.
If hes working from 7;30 - 8 its not really laying in is he.

You need to make it fair and equal by having leisure time to yourself at some other point, on a regular basis, where he looks after parenting/other home tasks.

Carve it out and make sure you get it.

Hey ho. I’ve been told and won’t bother to post again.

Why ask if you don't want to hear the answer?

Your child is ten - surely the amount of "parenting" you need to do before school is fairly minimal?

Completely missing the point, but all of these replies are giving me hope for early mornings of the future with my early-bird 3 year old. 🤣

I do think you need to make sure that leisure time is equally divided, though. Feeling resentful is the worst.

I'm confused: isn't waking up early due to perimenopause exactly the same thing as having a bad night's sleep... except that it's every bloody night?!

Not all kids are equal. My 11 year old sets her alarm and is up and in the shower before I get up, dressed before I get in the shower and often leaves for school whilst in the shower. She’s been like this since y6. She’s now y7. My 14 year old, however is a different kettle of fish. She’s never got up and sorted independently. She’s autistic but most people wouldn’t know and she attends mainstream school and is in middle to top sets for GCSEs. But getting her out of bed is a nightmare. She’s usually still in bed when her sister leaves for school. On my work days I ask to see her stood up out of bed as I leave the house (around 7:20) but on my non work days I’m not as quick up so she doesn’t start moving til I start chivvying later.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, the fact you’re up doesn’t mean you’re not shattered and don’t need support in the morning or to be left to deal with every school morning

@MinnieMountain No I totally get what you are saying, I agree with Harry above, there is no sharing of the responsibility and it isn't like he has left at the crack of dawn he is enjoying a lie in. Dh was always available in the mornings and I was a sahm, it was nice to spend a bit of time together as a family before everyone went out for the day.

The one thing I will suggest is as your son is 10 and will be heading to secondary, get him to think of things to add to a check list for the morning so he knows what he needs to do and when to have done it by time wise. You can suggest anything he misses and he needs to think what order to do things in.

This will set him up for secondary school as he will be used to being responsible for himself before adding in the next level of remembering things (PE bag, the right books) right now he just polls up to school, for year 7 he will pack a bag every day specific to that day.

This.

All sounds like a mountain out of a molehill.

That's probably your perimenopause kicking in your moods as well!

I think that as OP isn't getting a night's sleep either, they could take turns.

As it only happens when he has a bad nights sleep who knows how often this actually is.

He starts work at 7.30 and the DC is 10. It’s not like OP is running around toddlers whilst DH lazes in bed until 10am