Anger and sadness at this interaction with homeless person

[BlueCupOrangeCup]

Tonight, a polite homeless man named Kevin told me he secured a spot in a 12-week program at St Mungo's after a year of homelessness. He needed £7.50 urgently to go there tonight and had been trying all day. Skeptical, I regretfully declined, later realizing he might have been genuine.

I'm replaying the whole conversation in my head and now I think I recall him almost bursting into tears as he asked if there was any way at all I could help him.

This one might have been genuine and I'm so disgusted with myself.

I could have helped. I had a £5 note in my purse....and I am fortunate enough that I wouldn't miss it or notice it gone.

And at the same time I'm also so angry at scammers of this thing. If someone stood in front of you asking begging for a small amount of money to help them and you knew it was genuine OF COURSE all of us would help! But genuine people don't get the help they need because scammers make people have attitudes like mine tonight.

There is no way to phone st Mungo's now to 'pre pay' for Kevin should he turn up tonight....meanwhile I'm going home to sleep in my warm bed and work my lovely job tomorrow.

Poor Kevin, I'm sorry I didn't help you.

@NeedToChangeName
there are legitimate charities that collect coats for winter like https://www.handsonlondon.org.uk/wrap-uplondon there are usually signs weeks in advance so you know when they are going to be out collecting.

Please can you tell me the name of the charity that supports chipmunks with sore toes.

If there is a charge St Mungos will claim it through the persons housing benefit, which will be sorted once they are there. He won't have needed a payment upfront.

I always try to give them something. My premise being that if someone is that desperate that they actually ask you, they are really in need.

We bought a homeless woman a blanket and some gloves the other day, she's still there in her spot using them. A small thing for us, but it's making a huge difference to her

There are regular beggars outside our Tesco Express. One asked me for money, said he was hungry. I bought sandwiches and gave to him on the way out. Got angry and pushed them away. Said he wanted money. Never again. It was embarrassing and now the genuine will miss out.

lots of people say that, I've never encountered it.

I ask on the way in if they want me to get them something. One regular asks for a bag of satsumas and a bottle of water. And if we like a packet of dog treats for his massive hairy dog. We always oblige. In winter he prefers hot chocolate so we get one, and get one behind the counter.

This

I’ve been asked for money for this same scenario three times now!

OP you sound lovely & caring but it’s a very common scam (I’ve been asked the same literally dozens of times).

I worked in homelessness for many years and can confirm no homeless charities operate in that way. If you’re concerned about homelessness I’d recommend setting up a DD to a homeless charity for them to spend the money directly on providing beds in night shelters.

lots of people say that, I've never encountered it

I have. I encountered a woman near the ATMs who looked homeless who begged me for bus fare to get home as she'd just got out of an abusive relationship. I gave it to her.

Two weeks later I had to go back to that area and she asked me again- the exact same story. I also saw her asking others using the same spiel. That doesn't mean some people don't genuinely want help but it's incredibly naive to think someone asking you for cash is always being truthful. That's how internet scams fool so many people

But a quid or two is ok for me - and if they ask a 2nd time for the same reason? then the answer is likely to be "no".

IDK maybe i live in a nicer place? with actual genuinely homeless people? Having said that: i do know there are gangs who put young children & old ladies out begging. I don't give them money. (but if they are cold, which they often are, I'll sometimes buy them a hot drink, they are victims too)

Why not donate £7.50 (or what you can afford to St Mungos.
It's sad to say that the vast majority of specific amount requests are scammers wanting cash for booze/drugs, so don't feel bad. I was recently approached by a 'homeless' lady wanting £10 towards a replacement tent. So I told her let's go round the corner to the camping shop and I'll get you a tent, but she decided she couldn't ask that of me and then wanted money for something else instead, a train ticket I think, but she didn't want me to go with her to the station and pay for her ticket. So I told her firmly I wasn't going to give her cash but she was welcome to anything suitable to buy eg food, to which she told me to F off.

Never give cash.

Donate to a charity instead.

I gave money once to a homeless man who had a heartbreaking story. I was a student at the time working two poorly paid, zero hour contract jobs and barely money enough for food that week but I gave him the £20 I'd got from the ATM for food shopping.

Found out later he was a scammer.

I'm a good judge of character and have a good gut instinct on these things usually, I'm quite a skeptic, but he fooled me! They're experts at lying.

If I ever have cash on me I'll give it if someone asks. I don't think anyone actually would choose to live a life begging on public transport whether it be for alcohol, drugs or somewhere to sleep for the night.

I worked with homeless people at a local council for a few years and he was almost certainly not telling the truth. Don't beat yourself up about it.

He has access to government services and various charities will have outreach programmes that he could take advantage of. It's all too easy to ignore people asking for spare change or "20p for the bus" etc, so he's maybe figured out that asking for quite a lot more, but not too much for most people, works out better overall.

In my area at least there's no way any homeless services would charge an individual - they get money from public sector grants. I spent many a weekend pounding the streets at night talking to rough sleepers and trying to get them to engage with services and into accommodation for the night and the majority refused (or if they did give it a try, would vanish after a few days and appear on the streets again.)

Because by giving, you are perpetuating the whole scamming industry. From the people who beg on the streets through to the people who call you up and say they're from Amazon, the people who post on here with a sob story, the romance scammers who target your granny. They know that there are people out there who like to virtue signal how "good" they are, and turn a blind eye to being scammed.

St Mungo's don't charge. He may have been referring to a bus or train fare to get to the shelter. He may have been lying. That doesn't mean he isn't also desperate and desperately miserable. That's what is so hard in these situations. People can lie and tell you fake sob stories, but also and at the same time be desperately in need.

Personally, I would make a decent donation to St Mungo's and even a regular one, if you can afford it. These feelings you're having are natural but they can only be useful if channeled.

Interesting that despite all the homelessness experts here agreeing that beggars shouldn’t be given cash there are still some holier than thou types who are berating anyone who doesn’t do just this.
I keep seeing this on here. People being attacked for being pragmatic and not just acting on emotion.
I don’t give to beggars. I am still a good person. So are you OP.

Even if it was a 'scam' why didn't you just give it to him? You said you could afford to and would have if the story had been more believable

You've decided who and who isn't worthy of your measly £5 note, based on how good their story telling skills are or how much you believe this person is in need

He's begging on the street, he's already much more in need of everything we take for granted than you are

There by the grace of god

If you'd taken your purse out there's a high chance he could have grabbed for it or stolen it or more. That's also why I'm very unlikely to give someone the time if out and about and not wearing my watch as there's been a run on people asking the time then grabbing phones when people have looked at them to give the time where I live.

Sadly it's safer to take the attitude of not trusting people here and not helping given the majority of people asking either the time or for cash are young, male and quite clearly on something here.

Yep- and all the people saying it's cold and heartless not to give- what exactly are they doing for the homeless?- my guess is absolutely nothing except berating others online and feeling superior because they once gave a homeless person a fiver in 2004.

It’s too hard to pick out the genuine from the scammers so I don’t give now to beggars. In Mayfair there used to be a van that dropped off a number of beggars from a certain minority which collected them in the evening. They had a coffee in Pret before starting. I saw this several times with my own eyes.

I have only recently gave on the street. About 2 years ago so still during Covid, there was a guy on a bench near me with a new looking backpack who didn’t ask for a thing but petted my dog. We got talking - he was sober and seemed sad, and I bought him a hot dinner. He planned to sleep rough that night and seemed to be most likely a newly released prisoner.

Thanks, OP. I've just donated to St Mungo's. I suggest you do the same. Don't spend time trying to work out how to fix the past, it's gone! Think if there's anything you'd like to do today to change things and then do that.

Did he mean to pay for the transport to get there? Are you £7.50s worth of transport away from St Mungo's? Otherwise I agree no homeless charity would ask for money.

😂

St Mungo’s is a real place?? I’m shocked and would certainly not have given him anything as up until now I’ve only heard of St Mungo’s hospital for magical maladies! I would have thought he was taking the piss! Perhaps I would have given a few pounds for the (imagined) cheek of it, come to think of it.
In my defence I’m foreign and don’t live in the uk. Consider me flabbergasted and a bit more educated.