to be freaked out by how much our faces change between 45 - 55 years old?

[tallowspa]

I'm just back from visiting a friend in the flesh I haven't seen since 2019. It was really lovely to see her but she was very down about her looks and how much she feels her face has changed in the past few years as she is now 53. I think she still looks amazing but she does look different now. She is 7 years older than me and the last time we were together you wouldn't have thought she was older at all but now the age difference was visible.

I work with women of all ages and one woman in her late 50's keeps saying how she looked good and like herself up until she was about 51 then within a year her face, skin and body changed and now she has just had to get used to never really feeling happy about how she looks or like herself.

Even looking at photos of actresses with all the surgeons and treatments at their disposal you see the same changes so I don't think it is something you can really escape, its inevitable and natural.

It just freaks me out though, I am 46 and still look like myself and I finally feel happy with how I look probably for the first time in my life but I know that over the next decade my face will change and probably not for the better.

I'm not on about looking young, or attractive and I know that aging is a privilege and that the alternative to aging is death but I still feel so freaked out my how much our faces seem to change at this time of life, menopause I suppose. I am on HRT (since I was 42) and that probably helps but obviously it isn't a miracle worker and these changes still occur.

I don't mind going grey or getting lines on my face its everything else and how our faces seem to fundamentally alter that freaks me out!

Being sexually competitive with your teenage daughter is a little odd.

What would you prefer, really, to be 27 again or 47? Give me 47 any day of the week, I was miserable and insecure in my 20's, completely didn't appreciate my youth as life was just worse in many ways. If the cost of massively increased self confidence, self and acceptance and just general contentment with life is an aging face, I'll take that. But then I've never been "beautiful", so maybe that's why I don't care.

I think those women lucky enough to have rounded, soft features when young will notice the changes more. I was never pretty when young, just attractive-I had a hooked nose and firm chin and very prominent cheekbones. I looked like a cross between a fox and a squirrel. Now I’m 60, although I have frown lines and skin marks, my face still looks the same. The chin, nose and cheekbones are still holding up! But I look older of course-although my neck and jaw aren’t sagging, I have those age spots and the skin looks crepy. However, I don’t compare it to my younger self-I still think this is the best I’m gonna look-and at 60 am more interested in what I can do. Still like to dress up for a party though I can’t wear low cut things any more as am full of marks and moles. I think the secret of aging and looks is to stop trying to capture your youth and look the same. Aim for elegant and interesting and you can still feel attractive.

I'm 46 and finding the changes in my face quite interesting. I'm someone who historically looked a lot younger than I am but in the last few years the gap has closed a bit - people no longer act as surprised when I mention my age or that of my kids. And that's fine.

I mean, I am married, with kids, I don't see my DH as likely to swan off with a 'younger model' so I don't see why I would need to look young (of course even outside of that, there's no reason I should need to look young full stop, as has been pointed out). When I get my next passport I will be in my mid 50s and I do expect there to be much more difference between that than my previous adult ones, and again, I'll be interested to see what that difference is.

You're gonna hate 65+...

I've been really lucky with my skin up to now, but the elasticity is really starting to go and I'm getting a saggy neck and old lady wrinkles.

I do what I can, but it's life, sadly

I completely misread your subject title as "faeces" and opened it up to find out what horrors await me. So now, at age 46, I am very relieved to discover it is only my face that will change a lot over the coming decade!

Well this is shit, because mine has changed lots from 40-45 😅 Are the changes going to get worse?! Not even wrinkles really. Just a general overall change. Boo! I don't mind looking older, but I still want to look like me, but with more lines!

I think you're getting an unnecessary pasting here OP!

I genuinely like myself and am a strident feminist but I've have to be blind to not see that somehow every ten years the entire decade of aging I've missed out on comes in all at once. It's a funny feeling, a bit like a ten-yearly metamorphosis.

That has to be post of the day😂

Thank you so much for this! I've taken a screenshot so I can refer to it every time I hear someone say "botox". I agree with you 100%.

That sounds just like me now 😁

I do feel like this to some extent, I'm always a bit surprised at my reflection in an unfamiliar mirror.
But, I'm also aware that how I look now is the best I'll look for the rest of my life.

herewegoroundthebastardbush

Hurray !

People that sadly passed away in their 20s, will be forever young

Old age is not guaranteed for everyone

I am glad to still be here & enjoying life & I don't look the same as I did in my 20s

Of course. It's menopause. You know the massive change that happens to girls around puberty? That's hormones. Menopause and the corresponding drop in hormones ages us. Massively. It's inevitable. We can eat better, exercise etc but the best thing is to be happy within yourself. You can still be beautiful but it's a different beauty just as the beauty of a 10 year old is different from the beauty of a 17 year old

Thanks!

Er.... lots of us like being attractive

Exactly this!

*Sick of all the women slagging women like me off for struggling like this, saying its society that has conditioned me to want to look young so that men will shag me.

No, I'm fucked off about it because I like shagging men*

Absolutely!

People are allowed to feel unhappy/upset/however about changes between these ages. It's particularly hard for women, I think because society has spent their entire lives telling them their looks are their most important asset.

It's the menopause that does it. Without the body producing particular hormones, the aging process accelerates for the skin, etc. It's awful. I'm on HRT and determined to stay on it for as long as possible for this reason.

My face hasn't changed. It's still as ugly as F*!

Wait till you get to 70 and its changes! I comfort myself with the words of Toni Morrison. She was having her photo taken to publicise a book and the photographer assured her she didn't have to worry as he would airbrush all her lines and wrinkles out. She told him not to bother as she had earned every one of them.
And that is true for every one of us. We have earned our faces!

This is very true late 40's onwards is a game changer however hard you work!

I have been thinking recently how amazing quite a lot of 50 and 60 plus women look nowadays. I think it is possible to stay looking awesome if you want but it requires some major lifestyle choices, such as having very early nights, not drinking alcohol, being at the right weight, eating lots of veg and fruit, taking supplements and maybe using one of the face exercise things that are on the market or in beauty salons. A lot easier if you are rich and famous.

One thing I realised last year was that taking up a wind instrument can tighten up face muscles around the mouth and lower face, in case anyone is interested!

I do wish we could see beauty in the old more than we do though.

I recently started fretting over the size of my nose, having read that the cartilage in noses and ears continues to grow as we age. I don't really care about my ears, which can be hidden behind hair, but when I look at photos of myself nowadays (I'm in my 60s) my nose definitely looks different and I don't like it!

Asked DH about it and he thinks I'm hilarious for even thinking about this. He's a lot younger than me and doesn't give a shit, as long as I'm recognisably me in terms of personality (not looks).

Moral of the story I think is to not mind ageing, and to find someone who does not value you based on how well you conform to an ideal of beauty based on someone in their teens/mid-20s.

Love your post Mischance!