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AIBU?

To feel resentful of boyfriend's hobbies with newborn baby?

82 replies

Lyly86 · 09/01/2024 12:52

Hi all,

Just wanted to post for unbiased opinions here, just wanted to gauge other people's thoughts and try and figure out whether or not this is a "me" problem!

So for context, I gave birth to my first child nearly 6 weeks ago, had quite a complex birth and was immobilised for a few weeks during which time my partner was amazing, did absolutely everything for the baby and I and was around us 24/7 being on hand in absolute every way (he doesn't live with me but stays at my house with us literally every night however still has his own house in a neighbouring city) he took four weeks off work in total and again was with us constantly doing everything and anything needed. He has now returned to work (he works from home and again spends all this time at my house and still chips in with the baby wherever he can throughout the day), and still shares the nighttime feeding, changing etc with me. So all in all he really is fantastic, just one thing niggling at me...

Prior to the birth of our baby he had regular hobbies that he was committed to per week as he plays for teams, football training on Tuesday evenings which is from 6-8.30, darts matches on Weds evenings from 6-late and football matches every Saturday from 12-5. He has put all these things on hold since the birth of our child, but told me yesterday he would be resuming all these hobbies from this week. He has said he will be able to be flexible, i.e if we want to make a plan for a Saturday he would work football around it, and also said they only actually have four matches left until the end of the season (April-ish) so it won't necessarily be EVERY Saturday, he has also said he is happy for me to have free evenings on the other evenings in the week so I can get out and about (to be honest though it's the last things on my mind, I'm knackered and hate being away from the little one!)

Basically it just felt like we were in a little bubble where I was massively supported and I'm already feeling the strain of him being back at work, and now worried about factoring in losing his support during the times I mentioned above on a regular basis. As I said he's still around during the day and can relieve me of some pressure, but just scared that the days/evenings/Saturdays are just going to feel like a lot without any let up!!

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable, more than happy to hear it if you think that's the case!!

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Passingthethyme · 09/01/2024 18:45

I find it really weird that you've chosen to have a baby with someone you don't live with, to me that suggests you're actually a single mum with a father that occasionally helps out. I'd be wary of this set-up, as he may 'help' less and less as the novelty wears off and/ or he meets someone else.

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Lyly86 · 09/01/2024 18:52

Passingthethyme · 09/01/2024 18:45

I find it really weird that you've chosen to have a baby with someone you don't live with, to me that suggests you're actually a single mum with a father that occasionally helps out. I'd be wary of this set-up, as he may 'help' less and less as the novelty wears off and/ or he meets someone else.

I think you've perhaps not read/misread/misunderstood a fair bit of the information but thanks for your input, I think the thread has pretty much finished now 👍

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chocaholic33 · 09/01/2024 19:02

I felt quite down and upset when my partner went back to work and resumed his hobbies after we had our LO. I think it was more that we had been living in our little bubble with our newborn and I hated feeling like that part was ‘over’ and wanted to hold onto it for as long as I could, even though I was happy for DP to go back to doing those things if that makes sense xx

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Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 09/01/2024 20:16

Given what you have subsequently said, it is strange that you emphasised that you and your partner are “not officially living together” and it’s not unexpected that posters have jumped on it. From what you’ve said he spends all his time at yours but owns a second property he checks in on every few months. Unless there’s a backstory with council tax fraud or dodgy school admissions it is a bit odd that you conceive of yourselves as not living together and went out of your way to explain it.

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AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 09/01/2024 20:49

@Lyly86 I'm cringe? At least the father of my child lives with me...

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Sux2buthen · 09/01/2024 22:21

@AndrewGarfieldsLaptop
That's not the comeback you think it is 😂😂

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calmandcaffeinated · 09/01/2024 23:08

I think you are neither being unreasonable nor being reasonable, simply voicing concerns. I think it would be worth voicing what you've said to your partner as what works in one set of circumstances doesn't work in another. My LO was born at the start of the lockdowns so this was not an issue, but now DH plays football and drums and goes to the gym. I also go to the gym and volunteer so we both have stuff on. This has been gradual and lots is communication on frequency and how it's effecting us. Balance is the key here

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