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AIBU?

If I look at the core of every problem in my life - it's always on me

62 replies

pillowtv · 09/01/2024 10:42

Everything comes down to me being just a bit shit.

Can you help me unpick this ?

  • I'm overweight, because I'm lazy and can't eat right


  • I am struggling at work, because I just want to chill and don't want to work


  • I ship my kids to nursery, so I can chill a bit and pretend to work / work a bit


  • I don't always cook great meals for them, because I'm lazy


  • I don't play with them enough, because I'm lazy and a bit shit


  • most of the time, I just want to chill and sleep, but I have to do lots of things every day and just feel so tired. Others do lots too, but it wipes me out


  • I don't want to spend time with my husband, because I'm selfish and lazy and just think of myself


I just feel like in every aspect of life, I'm just a bit shit and lazy and lacking of organisation. It all comes down to that really.

I really can't see anything positive about myself and how I behave. Interpersonal relationships - I always find something horrible to think about people- everyone annoys me in some way. Usually I feel like they think they're better than me and this annoys me.

How do I get out of this rubbish cycle of just being shit ??
OP posts:
Sususudio · 09/01/2024 10:45

Start with just one thing? Like a 20 minute walk? I wouldnt feel guilty about point 3 or 5. Kids probably like nursery and can play with each other.

Nobody thinks they are better than you, because quite honestly nobody is thinking about you that much.

Sparklfairy · 09/01/2024 10:47

Well for a start, stop talking to/about yourself like that. If a friend or your husband spoke to you like that, they'd be an abusive bully.

A lot of your points seem to stem from low energy levels (which you call 'lazy'). If you had more energy do you think you could change any of those on your list?

LeavesOnTrees · 09/01/2024 10:50

It sounds like you just don't have enough energy, not that you're shit and lazy.
Also I think you're being too hard on yourself.

I would start with improving your diet, just a little bit with small changes. Maybe making one good meal a week (which if you freeze then that becomes 2[ or just eating one more piece of fruit instead of a sugary snack also once a week.
Basically baby steps.

stealthninjamum · 09/01/2024 10:50

Op have you always had so little energy? Can you go to the doctor?

I’ve gone through phases of being lethargic but generally snapped out of it, I wonder if you have a medical problem.

Sending hugs.

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 10:50

Healthy food: start small and easy. Boil 6 eggs and store in the fridge. Chop some tomatoes and cucumbers and store. Make a batch of soup and freeze.
Get some apples or pears. Easy to eat and store,
Don't buy junk or swap some snacks. Eat nuts instead of crisps, for instance.

Pr1mr0se · 09/01/2024 10:52

Get out for a walk is good advice. I'd also keep a food diary to make sure you're getting enough vitamin D and iron as a lack of this in winter in particular can also make you feel sluggish. Worth trying to get an appointment with your doctor to review your health as there maybe other health reasons for your lack of energy. Are you generally happy?

MNUse · 09/01/2024 10:55

You sound a bit like you could be depressed. You also sound like it might be a good idea to get some blood tests - iron levels, vitamin D, thyroid, maybe B12, H. Pylori if you’re feeling constantly tired? Have you discussed that with your doctor?

pillowtv · 09/01/2024 11:01

I do suffer from MS, BUT I don't want to always use that as an excuse. I don't have any symptoms, like lack of mobility or anything like that. Sometimes I get funny skin feelings, like sunburn and tingling.

I can't always blame it all on my MS.

Although it says MS causes fatigue and even depression. But I'm not even kidding that no one will care of help me if I mention it ( doctors ). They know I get depressed and they know I lack energy.

It's about me just not being able to push myself out of the cycle.

OP posts:
mrsedgein · 09/01/2024 11:04

I agree with the suggestion of a thorough blood test. If people were really honest I think a lot of us fall short. Cold, grey days don't help.

Kwasi · 09/01/2024 11:05

A change in diet and a small amount of exercise will do wonders for your energy levels.

Please set a better example for your children.

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:05

Well, if you have MS, then that explains everything. But also check for Vitamin D, iron and thyroid.

Any chance of an exercise buddy?

tralalalalalalalal · 09/01/2024 11:08

It's not you, it's your circumstances. You have the power to change though, but only with baby steps. Trying to tackle everything at once will always result in failure. You are enough op

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2024 11:08

You do sound depressed. Does anything bring you contentment apart from sleeping and eating? Do you enjoy time with your children or husband ever?

Not clear if you want to make changes or just want a rant and self flagellate.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/01/2024 11:09

I think your biggest issue is where all these nasry comments/thoughts are coming from. If its from your mind you need help dealing with these thoughts. Cognitive behavioural therapy might be helpful. Depression can also account for low mood, lack of energy, having no interest in things you previously cared about and those sort of thoughts. If these are things your DP or another person has accused you of these things then they're being a nasty bully and probably abisive. It's very hard to make changes wirh those sort of destructive houghts going through your mind.

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:09

If I had MS and was working as well with small DC, I would be VERY kind to myself.

pillowtv · 09/01/2024 11:11

Kwasi · 09/01/2024 11:05

A change in diet and a small amount of exercise will do wonders for your energy levels.

Please set a better example for your children.

Exercise gives me more energy for sure.

OP posts:
pillowtv · 09/01/2024 11:12

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:09

If I had MS and was working as well with small DC, I would be VERY kind to myself.

Thanks. I try to be, but then sometimes I just think I won't fulfill my potential / get the most out of myself and life if I'm kind to myself.

OP posts:
Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:18

This may seem a bit wanky. I have a lot on right now and feel overwhelmed. ( But I do not have small DC or a chronic illness).

I make an pentagon with 6 areas: job, kids, house, Dh, myself. Or even a quadrant. I try to do one thing from each area daily. Very small things.

Like:
House: Take out bins
Kids: Make healthy simple meal, even a stirfry
DH: Watch Seinfeld with him
Myself: Have a long bath with a facepack. Or go for a 20 minute walk at lunchtime
Job: Read at least 10 emails that you have ignored. Or get off MN for a day!

Small wins, basically, rather than huge ones.

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:19

**A pentagon! Not an pentagon.

MyEyesMyThighs · 09/01/2024 11:23

What do you do to chill - is it sit on your phone?
I started doing that when my autoimmune condition flared up as it felt like an easy escape. It actually makes everything worse - you are genuinely wasting time, not becoming less stressed or tired, just pissing hours away.

Instead take real breaks, read a book, take a nap or go for a walk or something to "chill." These things will make you feel more rested and also more accomplished and less miserable.

Worth trying anyway, good luck.

Sususudio · 09/01/2024 11:25

I need to that advice @MyEyesMyThighs I am recovering from surgery and spending way too much time on my phone as it's just too easy.

pillowtv · 09/01/2024 11:27

MyEyesMyThighs · 09/01/2024 11:23

What do you do to chill - is it sit on your phone?
I started doing that when my autoimmune condition flared up as it felt like an easy escape. It actually makes everything worse - you are genuinely wasting time, not becoming less stressed or tired, just pissing hours away.

Instead take real breaks, read a book, take a nap or go for a walk or something to "chill." These things will make you feel more rested and also more accomplished and less miserable.

Worth trying anyway, good luck.

Yup on phone all the time.

OP posts:
suki1964 · 09/01/2024 11:37

First off, go back to the doctors and this time book an appointment with the well woman or practice nurse, they usually have more time to spend with you. Get a blood screen done and say this is what you are struggling with and you would like to make some changes but cant see how. Be totally honest with where you are and how you are feeling

I posted this before in reply to someone else, what you have written I could have written myself last March. Last April I saw myself full length in bra and knickers and saw for the first time in 2 or 3 years - since lockdown - how I had let myself go. I could have cried, I got myself straight into a slimming club ( I so need accountability cos I too am lazy ) And I got my self out the door and I walked. Not far, not fast, but I walked, twice a day, slowly building up distance and speed. Now I can do 5k ( walking ) in 40 mins. As I lost weight and gained energy I started to see how bad I had let things get at home and I started the declutter of a lifetime. A shelf, a drawer,a cupboard at a time - decluttered - the charity shops had a ball last year :) Out it all went so now everything in my home has a home so house work is a doddle. I dont spend 30 mins clearing a room of stuff that shouldn't be there, its no longer there so 30 mins I can have the whole house vacuumed and the bathroom cleaned and the beds made

Im lazy, I really am lazy, think we all have a lazy bone somewhere. But I think what really stopped me before was as a whole picture everything together was "too much" to even attempt. So for me it was loose the weight, as that started to go, the exercise came in and then the house declutter ( in dribs and drabs - 30 mins here and there ) and cos I was spending so less time on keeping on top of the clutter I found the time to cook again - sorting out the kitchen and finding appliances I hadn't used in years like the slow cooker, knowing what I actually had in the freezer and cupboards, being able to meal plan. The whole collective changes have made it so much easier to have to time for me, soon I have time to sit and do my nails and have some kind of beauty routine -which boost smy mood even further

Im still a work in progress, but Im miles away from me last March

It really is just baby steps

Good luck xx

Beastiesandthebeauty · 09/01/2024 11:37

Can you get your kids to be lazy with you ?
Like mummy and little ones pamper time with a nice 15 minute face mask and meditation? Snuggles and movie ? Colouring in ect

Dizzywizz · 09/01/2024 11:46

I have ms too @pillowtv , I know you’re saying you have no symptoms but this does sounds like fatigue, which you can blame on your ms! Do you have a ms nurse you can speak to? Otherwise yes, baby steps - maybe one change a week. I take a myriad of vitamins/minerals to help with my symptoms. You def need vitamin D with ms, your Neuro should have prescribed you a high strength version? 2 of the things I also take to help with fatigue are magnesium, and vitamin b complex. And make sure you don’t get too hot. Pm me if you want any info or a chat, be kind to yourself

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